What a Thanksgiving, or, my life as a junkie

What a Thanksgiving holiday weekend! And I can't even offer any lessons or advice, because neither I nor my doctor can figure out what happened. But maybe it'll make some of y'all grateful your holiday wasn't as bad as mine!

A couple weeks ago, my side started feeling weirdly numb in the same area that I had a supposedly failed RF nerve ablation. I couldn't believe it, but apparently two months later, the intercostal nerve block suddenly worked, and the nerves died.

Well, I ignored it and kept taking my same medications, figuring I'd talk to the doctor at my next regular appointment about why my side felt numb.

Suddenly, Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, I started feeling spaced out and by noon, my wife could barely wake me. I'd be incoherent, then fall back asleep almost immediately. This went on overnight and she figured it was a morphine overdose, even though I was taking exactly the same morphine that had had no side effects other than pain relief, for the last month: 100 mg extended release twice a day. I quit taking it immediately obviously, and the last dose was Wednesday morning.

My wife kept trying to get hold of my pain management doctor, with no success, so at daylight Thanksgiving, she took me into the ER. By then I could stay awake and make sense, though I'd still sleep most of the time. The ER said I was fine, to go home and taper down on the morphine and call my doctor on Monday, because everything was closed for the holidays for the next four days. I've never found the ER to be particularly helpful, unless they admit me and call my regular doctor.

I went home but was way too scared to take any morphine, because I didn't know why I had suddenly overdosed. We looked up online and saw that cold turkey withdrawal took four-five days and wasn't dangerous, just really, really not fun. So I braced myself. I'd thought I'd be on increasingly higher doses of morphine for the rest of my admittedly short life (see my depressing little signature), so had never even thought about getting off it, but of course I knew I was physically addicted and didn't think it mattered--till now.

Well, the day after Thanksgiving through Sunday were hell. I was just like some junkie on a cop show who couldn't get his fix: had the shakes, the runny nose, the diarrhea, the anxiety and panic attacks, the weak muscles, everything except the drug craving, because I was still scared to take any morphine, not knowing how I'd react.

Amazingly, though, I was virtually pain free from the cancer pain, taking only my normal 1200 mg neurontin and no morphine at all. The nerve block really had worked and my side was numb. But oh my. I'd just hug my wife and say, "Tell me this is going to end," and she'd remind me I'd get through it in four or five days, but the hours crept by.

By Sunday morning, I was through the worst of it, still only taking my regular neurontin, and only feeling a small amount of pain above, below and around the big numb area. Miraculously, my pain management doctor called! On a Sunday morning! He too was completely puzzled, but suggested I try 30 mg morphine to ease the withdrawal symptoms and for the remaining pain. I said no way, I wasn't taking more than 15mg, but I'd do that, and he said okay, try that, and you can take another 15 if needed.

So I took 15 mg morphine extended release, figuring I'd barely notice it other than some pain relief and calming, because my body was so recently used to 100 mg. about an hour later, I said to my wife, "I'm drunk." And I was. I have never had that reaction to morphine--at most it makes me a little sleepy till I get used to a change in dosage--but I was acting exactly like a drunk person. I thought, oh no, I'm going to be this way for 12 hours till it wears off. But instead, an hour later, I suddenly sobered up. I haven't had alcohol since getting on all these medications, but when I was healthy, I'd get drunk a few times a year on holidays, and I've never gone from drunk to sober so fast.

The rest of the day, I was pain free, and also free from side effects. I took 15mg of morphine in the evening and went to bed early to sleep through the drunk stage, if it happened again, and woke up now in the middle of the night alert and ready to get online a little, and here I am, still pain free and free from side effects.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I've gone from 100 mg morphine 2x a day, to 15 mg morphine 2x a day, plus 1200 mg neurontin, and am stabilized and back to being pain free and side-effect free.

But wow. What a roller coaster. And on the phone, the doctor was completely puzzled 1) how a nerve block could work two months later, and 2) how I could suddenly overdose on the same medication I'd been taking for a month. He said he'd research it, and I have a regular monthly appointment this Thursday where we'll talk more.

So that's my weird, miserable holiday and weekend. But I guess all's well that ends well!

Sounds like you did exactly what your body was telling you to do.
That's not always easy to do, especially with the symptoms you described!

Good you're feeling better now, hope the rest of the week will be better too :)

Stranger things have happened. I actually had a similar experience this weekend except I just kept falling asleep with my regular dose while just the week before I was fine & functioning. I actually slept through several days of my 2nd dose and found that I had no ill effects, no wd, just a slight increase in pain (but bearable). I decided to eliminate the 2nd dose and use alternative methods if it gets bad. Time will tell if this lasts, but it's kind of exciting to think I could possibly even get off this stuff as I am just tired of it all. I did wake up with a bad headache, but I'm not going back to the original dose if I can get by on much less. Hopefully you can do the same. Keep us posted.

JamesBW said...
But I guess all's well that ends well!

Hah! That'll teach me. It either didn't end, or it didn't end well, but the saga continues!

Monday, as daylight came, right after my last post in this thread, my pain started to increase again, for no reason I could figure out. By the end of the day, it was bad, and by Tuesday morning, I was really, really hurting. As in, I'm glad we live in the country because the neighbors can't hear me scream.

I had no idea what was happening or why, but I reached down to hold my side and felt a lumpy area under my thin shirt. I pulled up my shirt, and there was a huge reddish purple blistered rash spreading along my side and, as my wife informed me, along my back.

Okay, so call me dumb, but I didn't know what it was, so I started googling rashes and lung cancer, fearing it was some horrible manifestation of the tumor on the surface of the skin, because it was directly over where the doctor had pointed when I asked him where the cancer was.

Nothing. Lung cancer just doesn't often cause a rash. So I switched to google images, and saw one picture of a rash exactly like mine. Except it wasn't a page about lung cancer, it was a page about...

shingles!

Yes, after everything else that I've had this week, I now have a full-blown case of shingles to cheer me for the next couple of weeks.

I'm incredibly thankful it's on my torso rather than my eye--I simply can't image the strength of someone who has to deal with that, though I believe there's a poster here who does.

I read that starting an anti-viral medication quickly after the first symptoms lessens the severity, so I called my doctor and he saw me within an hour--classic shingles rash, he called it--and started me on the pills.

My poor wife, though, is freaking out because she also had chicken pox when younger so is in the demographic to get shingles (not from me, but she's worried that stress can bring it on, or just anything randomly) and after seeing how I was suffering, she's now desperate to get vaccinated, but for some reason the vaccine is out of stock at a lot of places here.

It was so sad to be in line at the pharmacy to get my pills, and right behind me was my wife, asking in a scared little voice, "Do you have the shingles vaccine in stock?" With me picking up an anti-viral and a morphine refill, and her asking that, I'm sure the pharmacist could put two and two together.

She finally found it available at the county health department, and she's headed there today. In hindsight, hah! I would have gotten vaccinated long ago, but never thought of it.

I've increased my morphine to 30mg, sigh, and along with the neurontin that I'm already taking, the shingles pain is bearable now, and hopefully I can get back down to 15 mg after it's over.

I really don't need anything else to happen, but at least the rash was something non-life threatening and not some weird cancer metastasis. What a week! I wonder what's next. A gout attack? A toothache? Surely it will be something painful. My luck just isn't real good right now, LOL!

James,

I believe Lidoderm patches are prescribed for shingles. You might find them very helpful.

Im real happy to hear that and I cannot say enough times that when you have been on these meds long enough and especially after procedures and surgery you need to back down and even off to reset your pain receptors and get an accurate account of how your pain is now. Even with no surgery or whatever it is a wise idea to reset and check whenever possible if your a CPer and many many times you find you can lower your dose alot for awhile and anytime we can leave up some of these meds for even awhile it has to at least give our body a chance to regroup and mend from the damage and risk to our organs and systems.

I went from 60mgs of methadone to 15mgs of MS once a day and no b/t and that was after 6 years at that dose and 9 at much higher prior to the 60mgs.

Hey James, I know I'm a little late to the "party," but I just wanted to say I think the positive attitude will carry you a long way. You seem to treat this stuff the way that I would like to, kind of like you're watching Jerry Lewis act out the book of Job, but you're Jerry. Actually, maybe that doesn't make sense, it did to me when I wrote it. I also had withdrawals over the holiday too, Fentanyl.

One request? Maybe think about removing the life expectancy from the sig? Man they cant even tell you when the nerve that they cut is going to die. You'd get a more accurate prediction from the weatherman I think. I say we all just live this here minute right now and we'll take the next one if it comes. Just my thoughts, I respect whatever you do. You seemed too full of life for that sig to me and I hope I didn't overstep by mentioning it.

Be well, kick the shingles in the arse and kiss it's momma on the mouth for good measure!

James,you've really had it pile on you lately on top of your main battle.I certainly don't pretend to know what your going through but I guess people don't talk about it maybe because they think it might make others uncomfortable.

That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

Reading your Posts makes me want to try and do more with my life than just exist between Doctor's appointments and refills.

Your Posts are having positive effects,at least to me.

Hope you have a relaxing low-pain day,

Rick

Backtolife and tidalmouse, thanks so much for your kind words!

Backtolife, in answer to your question about the morphine, I never thought I would get off it either, but I also never thought I'd have a nerve block that worked. Now, with the pain reduced so much, apparently that overdose was my body's way of telling me I don't need as much. So as long as I'm not in pain, I'm just taking minimal doses. I've actually had no morphine since 15 mg Friday night, and am in virtually no pain, though still am taking neurontin and the antiviral. I might take the 15mg again if I need it.

Yes, in real life there are times I complain and am miserable, but it's hard to be miserable all the time when one finally gets lucky and is mostly out of pain for a while, even if it's just a few days. Seems like even in the worst times, there's always hope it'll get better again.