First post and it might be in the wrong place haha
I have been dealing with knots in my back for an year now, and it's been getting better with good care of myself in a stress free environment. So I even thought against posting here but I believe it wouldn't hurt.
These knots are numerous in number, I assume from the frequency in which they pop all the time.
They also affect the muscles in my shoulder and then my biceps and so forth. My whole body in fact, and it really tires me out and its easier for me to develop fatigue. There is one effect in particular that I hate, and it's where the tendon of my hands which are visible, pop over my knuckles. They make no audible sound but the sensation of it feels like a popping one. I've been to a hand doctor and he looked over it, and sent me to a doctor specializing in nerves, and they did all these tests on me. MRI, sticking needles in my arms and making me move around, shooting electricity into me, the works. And all they told me was,"It's chronic pain".
Wow thanks that helps a lot. Then I went to a chiropractor and what he did helped me more than anything.
You see before all of this I was depressed to all hell. I had no friends, just acquaintances. My family life was in shambles and I even dropped out of school because of all of it. No one in school would really take my problems seriously anyway. A teacher even told me, "It was all in my head."
What the chiropractor told me was basically, "You are depressed so stop being depressed, also slam your back into the corner of the wall and grind on it for 20 mins". I didn't really believe the second one but the first thing that he said got me thinking. Grinding my back does feel good though, I should listen haha.
But that when I realized that it really is all in my head.
Before the dropout happened, I already hated school. I was working on my own to have a stay at home job. I was studying and studying and studying but it was all driven by fear. I would be sweating profusely every time I would study, get hot flashes and I would be really tensed up. If I don't get better, I'll have nothing is what I told myself every time I would study. I hated it.
That's when my symptoms started to show. I no longer could write, barely type. My hands were fatigued in less than a few minutes.
I needed these hands to work, but they hated me too. I was sorely depressed, right after all of this the dropout happened.
I was in the pits, I just stayed at home, got fatter and did nothing but watch comedy shows and wasting time. Every time I would attempt to write or type it would flair up again. But after the chiropractor visit, I started to wonder, how come I can use my hands but whenever it relates to something that I fear (studies, schoolwork, work, etc) it would come again? I believe now is because my mind hates doing those things, so it does everything it can to make a reason to stop. To be honest I'm still not sure what happened to my back. Is it the tendons, the muscles, etc? I have no clue. All I know is that it's something that my mind created to stop myself from doing things that I fear. Cause it would make no sense why I can play a game for hours on end but not be able to write or type. When I started to realize that, and told myself to study because you want to, because you love doing it. It's gotten better ever sense. It has not gone away completely, but ever since my realization, my skills have developed beyond my wildest expectations,and I even got a lover. I'm the happiest I've ever been my whole life, and I'm still living with the knots in back. But it really has gotten better, I typed all of this out this morning.
Maybe I'm a weirdo and no one else has experienced this, and I'm still not sure why I just slapped my life story on a forum I've never been to. Maybe it was in the hopes that I learn more about
me and what I am going through.
I do want to say this although. The teacher that told me that it was all in my head also compared me to a another student she had that was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and that what I have is nothing so suck it up.
Don't ever, ever compare yourself and use that to put yourself higher or to put yourself down. You'll never be happy. okay thats all bye
Post Edited (totalnewbie) : 4/10/2017 12:54:13 PM (GMT-6)