Funny story...while at my surgeons office getting checked.

Although this occurence that I am about to share was so embaressing at the time...it makes me double over laughing thinking about it now.

So before my surgery my mom and I went to my GI clinic to visit with my surgeon so he could check me out and determine exactly what he wanted done. Well my docs are at a teaching hospital, therefore it is more than my doc that I see at each visit...pretty much its a party, but whatever. So my mom and I showed up to the apt. I had just finished a CT scan of my guts so needless to say the nasty barium was just running through me, and I had to go to the bathroom constantly. So my mom and I entered the clinic room got done with the nurse, and all of a sudden I noticed a silver tray with objects that were covered by a towel. OH GREAT! You all know what this means...the guy has to check out my butt, and search up my toosh apparently looking for something exciting. So immediately go over to the tray and remove the towel and my jaw drops. There on the table is a weird looking silver plug deal with a hole on the ends...what the heck? Immediately my mom broke down laughing as I was getting all worked up about having my goods checked out by a stranger. So my surgeon enters the room, with two male med students, and the adventure begins. We talk and then he says he needs to look at my rectum...good times. Now when I have have my toosh checked out in the past they just have me lay on my side on the table, akward but not horrid. Not this guy he literally had me in a kneeling position on the end of this weird table. I looked at him and said so your telling me that you basically want me in a praying position...he said yes, and are you catholic? I said yes, and then he said well then this should be familiar except for the whole naked butt thing.  As I drop my pants he says well your a bit taller than I though...and RAISES the TABLE with my naked butt in the air in all its glory with my mom, 2 med students, him and a nurse checking out the scenery.  So he first shoves his finger in my buns (what is the deal with that?) and then the next thing I know he asks me to squeeze his finger! WHAT?? With my butt...yes indeed with my butt. He then said ok now release...oh good thanks buddy. I am a humorous person so I am trying to ease the weirdness by laughing at the situation (cant lie I had a laughing fit...without trying to...which then spread quickly to my mom) He then shoves the little metal thing in my buns..and asks one of his med students to hold my butt cheeks apart...and they continue to speak about my anus and ooh ahh yes this is common with crohns... while I am sitting there just hanging out. So I have about lost my mind and it seems like he is done so I said ok am I done and can I please pull up my pants. He says ok yes just a sec...LOWERS ME DOWN again with my butt in the air...and then says oh hear we will close the curtain so you can pull your pants up. Are you kidding me?? I just had my naked butt about 4 inches from their faces, I dont need a curtain to pull up my pants. I yanked those babies up fast. My poor mom is sitting in the corner just cracking up, and honestly the two of us are laughing so hard we are crying...this guy is probably thinking that we are nuts. So I ask to go to the restroom...and I hear my mom say I am sorry guys I am such a bad mother at this. I continued to laugh hysterically the whole way to the bathroom, in the bathroom and as I went back into my room. After the exam he asks more questions..and my moms reactions were pretty killer. First he asks if anyone else in my family has crohn's like my mom....with no hesitation my mom says Oh thank god no not me...oh sorry. Thanks mom. Then he asks if I have control issues, and we looked at him funny and he said well do you ever have to wear a diaper...once again my mom lets out a giggle and says oh heck now...good reaction mom. Oh after my butt exam my doc looked at my mom, and said Oh mom and just so you know your daughters head isnt up here (meanign my butt). We laughed once again.

Honestly this story typed doesnt even give a glimpse into this crazy experience. I ahve never laughed so hard in my life, yet felt so humiliated. Good times with Crohn's. It may seem like my mom isnt very compassionate, but she is awesome and goes with me to every appointment and takes glorious care of me. We just deal with these situations by laughing...clearly. I love my surgeon...he is hilarious and the two of us just banter eachother...its awesome.

 

LOL! If we couldn't laugh that what we have to go through, then we would b very miserable people!

this is the funniest crohn's story i've heard in a long time!!!! thank you!!

Probably an anuscope.  My surgeon does the same exam, including the "squeeze my finger" routine.  I've had a hard time healing up after hemmie surgery, and he's checking for muscle tone and function.

Oh I've been on that table many times when I had a rectal fistula. First to check it out for the first time. I couldn't believe he wanted me to lay over it like that. Then he also had a small metal thing he put in there (turned out to be an anoscope). Then after the surgery I had a terrible time getting it to heal up so I was in there once a month on that fun table.

You definitely took it better then I did! I was mortified the first time and there was no laughing! LOL After that I got used to it. The things we go thru!

Not as embarassing but to add to the stories:

I had a bad ski injury awhile back and the only thing that helped my neck pain headaches was a chiropractor. When I went back to school for the semester I looked up a new chiropractor in my new state. He was ancient, operated out of a home office, and was a jesus freak. I do not say that to insult anyone as I am also religous. This man had Jesus EVERYWHERE. Pictures, posters, calenders, you name it.  The almighty was staring at you from every corner of the room.

So I rarely, if ever, wear sexy underwear. But, I had on really tight dress pants and wore a lacy thong that day (pre crohns diagnosis.) Turns out he wanted me to strip to my bra and panties and walk a straight line so that he could see if my spine lined up right. So, I started to comply and it wasnt until after I agreed and dropped my britches that I remembered the lacy thong.

So I walked the line w/ my butt cheeks flapping in the breeze and the million Jesus eyes looking down on me (than unmarried sinful woman.) He very quickly asked me to put my pants back on... he finished the exam and alignment professionally then....

..... died of a heart attack days later. My friends and family all heard the thong and Jesus story before I learned that he died. It wasnt until I returned for my next appointment that I learned that he had passed on. I can't help but wonder if that was the first and last lace thong he ever saw.

*sigh*

fitzy, that was a killer story....

It is 3 am. and I can't sleep .....again.! I usually check out my Healing Well family's updates for a while and then go back to bed.
Well, Tonite.....I was laughing so hard I was afraid to wake up my girls! This was the funniest thing I have heard in a long time....and the part that made me laugh even harder is you and your mom trying to explain all this to your sister at lunch. My mom , sister and I used to do that all the time. Although we are all apart now....we do it over the phone!!!My girls look at me like I've lost my marbles because I'm laughing so hard, legs crossed, trying to get a story out and all they can hear is loud Gafages from the other end of the line.....and coughing from laughing so hard.
God Bless all of you with funny stories. This is why I love you all so much. You make my burdens soooo much lighter!
Laughter truly is the best medicine!!!
Love and prayers....and keep laughing!
Mary