concerned about sex

Hi all

Most of you know what i have been through recently.  Sum it up 4 surgeries in 11 months each surgery had a complication and each time the CD came back within a month and I had tests prior to surgeries to rule out wherelse the CD may be hiding on me.

My husband and I have not had sex since January 2007 and we were just married Oct 1 2005.  We are thinking next weekend (since he was too nervous before with the fistula on my belly, then the one before I had a drain for an abscess, ostomy bag and wound vac on my belly.  I am all healed up and the last surgery was january 11.

I am pretty pain free typically in the morning so we know that would be a better time but I fear the urge of having to run to the bathroom in the middle of it or suddenly being in intense pain.  We had to move in with my grandfather back in November my nana passed away and I had no income and even with my SSDI which recently got approved we couldnt afford a place of our own.  In order for me to go to the loo I have 12 stairs to run down and if that 1 is occupied I have 12 more stairs to go down...all of us know how hard it is to hold D to get to the loo nevermind throwing stairs in the mix then add that you have nothing on and must get something on quick...bathrobe is white  bad color I should have a brown one lol

If all goes well I hope that we get the okay from my GI to start a family sometime soon the soonest the okay would come would be mid summer.  I also look like a jigsaw puzzle 4 CD surgeries, gall bladder removed the old fashioned way, and inguinal hernia operation in 87.  He is sqeemish with medical stuff to begin with and even the scar since it is newish bugs him to see it.

That is a really good suggestion sjkly. If that isn't an option, then I would talk about it with your husband and tell him that if something happens, or I start to have pain, or I have to go the bathroom...then oh well, we will just try again. It is eventually going to happen one way or another, so try not to stress about it, and just relax and enjoy your time together. Even if it doesn't end up happening the first time at least you are that much closer to it happening the next time.

OK people, stop reading now if you are offended to read a TMI sex post, because here it comes.

 

We were married in Sept. 2005 and until about 8 months ago when we started trying for a baby, we went months without it. We did not even do it on our honeymoon because I had an abscess drained 6 days before we were married. From 9/2005 -7/2007 we probaly only had sex about 5 times. It was very sad not to be able to connect. So I know what you are going through.

Your husband loves you for who you are. You are so much more than your scars,anyway. Look how strong you were to come though everything ok!   Easy for me to say,right? Well, I have had setons in for the past year and 1/2 and at 1st I was so self conscious about them and worried that my husband would be repulsed. He took everything very well and he was just happy to be gettin' some...... It has actually brought us much closer together as a couple.

Maybe try some candlelight if the scars are bothering you. It's romantic and he won't see as much....I like the getaway and lingerie ideas,too. It gets much easier and confortable after you go back to it the 1st time.....

Best,

Ginger

You know its nice to hear stories concerning spouses who actually support their partners with CD.
What wonderful people you two found!
If I could only find a girl like that..

Matthew

You will find a sweet girl,Matthew. The person who is right for you will show up one day. You will experience the happiness you deserve

It took me many years to find "the one." (I didn't meet my husband until I was 32 and he was 30.)

Crohnsdaddy- We know this in my house...... LOL!

dragonfly,
I agree with some of the other members; sexy lingerie and soft candlelight will hide a multitude of "flaws" and make you both feel less self-conscious. I suggest reconnecting slowly with alot of touching, kissing, etc...then go crazy on each other :)
Good luck to you and your hubby!

I am actually taking a sex therapy class for people with chronic illness and am interested in what people have found that works for them.
(snap bottom lingerie?)

There are such things... http://www.intimatemomentsapparel.com/women.html !! I've got it bookmarked in case the Tysabri fails and I go with the ostomy!

.. sorry, also wanted to add that even tho I am flaring... I find that once I start to have actual intercourse <sometimes getting to that point hurts a bit> it is all good... I think the hormones kick in and you forget you are even sick. Afterwards I even feel well again for a bout an hour.. then the pains come back but still... I think it might be a healthy thing !!

I met my hubby at a party. On our first date I had to lay down in the booth when we were eating out meal due to pain. Obviously, my illness was a bit hard to hide! Also, I was so anemic I looked like a walking dead person. Thankfully, he saw past all that and just saw me. :) I truly believe there is someone out there for everybody.

To those of you who have supportive husbands.....tell them often what a blessing they are. Someone who really cares about you will put up with all sorts of things to make you happy and safe. all the above suggestions are great. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you and your husband can re-connect that way very very soon.
I've been divorced for 17 years now..... my girls went through so much trauma, that I didn't have time or the inclination for any kind of relationship. Getting my girls over their abuse was a full time job.....our family doctor knows all about it.....during my last pap examination, while she had the old speculum in there I said to her....By the way, there hasn't been any activity in there in over 17 years!!!!!!!!She laughed so hard , patients in the next examining room must have wondered what was going on in there that was so funny. So for you here that have understanding husbands....I say >>>GO FOR IT! Put your shyness away...take a valium if you have to....but for goodness sakes, make the most of what you have!( You know, before the hatch heals over LOL)

Old Sniper has more scars than Carter has liver pills and my wife has had breast cancer surgery. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Sex or no sex we love each other. We just had our 37th anniversary so I dont think its infactuation. Most of all, we are best friends and when you are best friends you can get through anything. Dont be so concerned with what you cant do. Do what you can. Hugs are great. I dont miss an opportunity to hold my wife, touch her hand, look into her blue eyes or tell her that I love her. No matter what, ever minute is a blessing. Make the most of them, they go by so fast.

Sniper very well said. I have too been blessed with a wonderful and supportive spouse. I am just happy to be in the same room as he is.

Stef I am sure your hubby loves you scars and all. So just open up and accept the love that is offered in whatever way you are both comfortable.