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You may have crohns if

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 4/22/2008 10:52 AM (GMT 0)
 Just a few ways you new guys can tell.

you may have crohns if:

you can run, unzip, unbutton, untie, and unbuckle all at the same time

you buy Oxiclean in 5 gallon buckets

Mike Rowe refused to clean your toilet for the "Dirty Jobs" show

you dropped your ring in the toilet , fished it out and now they want to show it on, " Worlds Deadliest Catch"

 you feel faint when someones says," Oh Crap"

your neighbor calls his dog, "Spot" and you cover your behind

the people at the fertilize factory next door have made complaints about the smell coming from your house

your cat tries to bury your drawers

your dog wont smell your butt

you can clear a crowded room without yelling , "Fire"

orrrrrrrrrrrr

If you have ever passed gas that killed you pet parakeet, you may be a crohnie

Posted 4/22/2008 11:24 AM (GMT 0)
LOL Those are great sniper! I have missed you not being around as much!
Posted 4/22/2008 11:50 AM (GMT 0)
OMG
Sniper I luvs ya
YOU have made my day again
Thanks and it is so great to have you back
Have been missing you and VV and BFK as well as many of the vets..........

Laughter always makes me feel better.thanks again

LYN
Say hello to Camilla for Cait and I
Posted 4/22/2008 11:56 AM (GMT 0)
Ahhhh, Sniper! Youse must be feelin' summat better!
Posted 4/22/2008 12:25 PM (GMT 0)
When your life's savings is all gone from buying toilet paper.

When your dog won't stop peeing on your nieghbour's pup.

When Sniper starts feeling better. !!!!!!!!!!! lol gail
Posted 4/22/2008 12:27 PM (GMT 0)
new underwear is part of your monthly budget
Posted 4/22/2008 12:57 PM (GMT 0)
LOL Sniper,
Really Really funny. Or when you blame your pets for the nasty farts you let loose.
Posted 4/22/2008 1:31 PM (GMT 0)
How about:

You're not impressed with Jackson Pollack as you feel do at least as well on any given trip to the bathroom.

You've ever had to reassure a brand new radiology technician that he/she will do fine.

You can use the fine line between need-to-know and TMI with your boss like a ninja.

You can judge the volume of any given bag of white fluid at a glance.

You've fantasized about having a time machine for the express purpose of hunting down whoever developed Prednisone.
Posted 4/22/2008 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
oh man, these are great!

how about, you get all these jokes and instead of being disgusted (as most people would) you laugh at them :D ahh yes, it takes a strong person to laugh at poop humor ;)
Posted 4/22/2008 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for this post Sniper it is so funny! It really cheered me up! We should have some funny stuff like this more often.     ….you talk about the most disgusting stuff like diarrhea, bloody stools and gas and don’t get embarrassed   ….you check your poop when you go to the bathroom to see what came out :)   ….you take handfuls of pills at a time    ... you pay Doctor bills on a  monthly basis …you might be a Chronie!   J Karen
Posted 4/22/2008 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for making me Smile this morning:)
You guys are funny!
LOVEPINK
Posted 4/22/2008 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
...other people (spouse, relatives, room-mates, friends) ask you to check their poop because they think something might be wrong - and you, of course, oblige with no problem.

...you can swallow 15 pills in one swig of water

...you know more about meds than your pharmacist

I can't think of anything else right now, but these are great! Good for a laugh.
Posted 4/22/2008 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
you know the location of every bathroom in you local target, walmart, supermarket, etc

you ask a new friend how many bed/baths they have before you go visit

you carry travel febreze in your purse/pocket

instead of emergency fire drills your children know emergency bathroom drills

you family knows the weekly menu at your hospital by heart

your kids know where the nourishment rooms are in the hosp. to go get themselves ice cream
Posted 4/22/2008 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
You've ever "accidentally" let out a silent-but-deadly just to hurry the meeting along or for revenge on the guy who always says "just one more thing" when everyone else is ready to go.

You've had to explain to a doctor the patients' slang for symptoms or procedures - for his own specialty.

You've ever argued with a store clerk that "employees only" doesn't apply to you and offered to call the cops for them, cuz you're going in. (for those of us in states with Ally's Law). Corollary: You've ever had to educate a cop on both the law and medicine at the same time in a 7-11...

Your family and friends have fitted body armor and battle plans for those times they have to go Prednisone DEFCON 1 again.

You take "stain resistant" pants as a personal challenge.

You feel like the Salad Shooter food processor really understands you...
Posted 4/22/2008 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
When you provide free education sessions to the head of the ER (Setons 101 show-and-tell).

When you are happy you have setons.

When the ER docs admit you are too complicated for them to treat (!)

When you actually start seriously considering infesting your self with hookworms! (which I still am).
Posted 4/23/2008 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
You know the ER staff and all your doc's offices people by first name without having to look
Posted 4/23/2008 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
I juts read this to my son and we had a great laugh! HILARIOUS!
Posted 4/23/2008 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
 

    You might be a chronie if :

      You know more medical jargon than any Resident doctor at the local hospital

      You are afraid to go through security at the airport for fear of tripping radiation detectors!

       You start glowing in the dark

     You start thinking your nurses & doctors are actually bug-eyed aliens in disguise only interested in anal probes!

        You are NOT amazed at what someone can live through!

    Matthew cool

Posted 4/23/2008 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
you might be a chronie if...

 your 8 year old nephew asks which bathroom is safe to use

 you never leave home wihtout your just-a-drop (and friends and family ask you to borrow it)

 you know all the bathrooms en route to wherever your going

you pack extra undearwear (just in case)

you bring your own toilet paper cause you don't trust the one ply

you know what it means when someone says "I don't have enough spoons"

you plan trips and visits around bathroom accesibility

you are the only person you know that actually wants to eat salad but can't

you have been looked at like you are a drug seeker when you go to the ER

everytime anyone farts you get the blame

or

you have ever heard" i had the flu last week so I know what you are going through"

Posted 4/23/2008 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
You might be a crohnie if...
... You know that skid marks are not found on the street!
Posted 4/23/2008 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
yeah  You know you're a Crohnie if....

Scrubbing Bubbles go on strike.

The Tidy Bowl man leaves a "Dear John" letter.

You can strip the bathroom wallpaper doning only a gas mask and closing the door.

You own 95% of the stock in the Preparation H company.

You wish "someone" would come out with sexy diapers! Really!

You go into a screaming fit during blood draws just for self amusement watching the tech panic.

Your are considered the world class cup holder of the Indy Hospital Walking Rounds at a whopping .5 miles an hour post-op while owning up to your favorite pit crew IV pole.

You actually yearn for applesauce, plain rice, water and bananas on a regular basis.

You can fart louder than any cow!

Your plumber is convinced you eat concrete quick set as a topper for your oatmeal.

And.....you spend the wee hours of the morning with great people like us!

Post Edited (broomhilda) : 4/22/2008 10:40:03 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/23/2008 5:02 AM (GMT 0)
I love it! The seton thing - show and tell and being happy to have them!! :-)

How about...
You know ... when you daydream about a soundproof bathroom!
Posted 4/23/2008 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
BroomHilda,,I love the one about spending the wee hours with people like us..I started this post years ago just to bring a smile. Looks like it still does that. Glad you can take your mind off your troubles , even if its for a moment. Thanks for adding to the list.
Posted 4/23/2008 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
...you run the tap at full blast just to drown out the crapping noise.
...at work, you let out a long stinky fart and run away.
...you can wipe your butt even if you didn't poo and find some any time of day!
...you see your undigested lunch bits in the toilet less than an hour after you ate it.

AND ...you look pregnant, but you're a guy!
Posted 4/24/2008 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
You know your a crohnie when:

You can shimmy out a car window of any size if the door gets jammed!

You have completed a Zen garden using kidneystones!

You are considering writing a Traveler's guide to Restops & Bathrooms of the World!

You know a ratings system for it!

You actually snicker when people gasp & leave a restroom!

You have your own gurney reserved at the local ER(s)!

Matthew
LOL. Every year, but I see some new ones!
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