paranoid at work

YES, YES and YES...and I've only (myself) told 6 people in my office about my Crohn's. My boss and 5 friends who I felt like I could trust.

I also swore THOSE 6 people to secrecy (as it's none their job to divulge my personal health information to anyone else); however, I have this sneaking suspicion that one of them have told my secret to one or more people within my building. People are nosy and people love to gossip about other people...even when FRIENDS have asked them not to.

Lately I've been out of the office a lot b/c of my CD and for DR appts, etc. I've been mentally foggy and felt like I've not been concentrating on my job as well as I should.

And I hate being all "secretive" when OTHER people ask me how I'm doing (because it's obvious to anyone in my building that I've been sick lately). HOWEVER, with this kind of socially awkward disease, I just feel like it's best for MOST people not to know about it if they aren't friends.

For example, my boss has been AWESOME. He's come right out and said, "If you ever need to work from home, feel free to." He trusts me enough to stay at my house and do my job. BUT there are women within this office who would gossip until their face is blue if they found out I have worked from home and not taken sick leave on those days.

So that's why I don't just freely tell people about my Crohn's. I don't want to constantly feel like people are talking about me and my illness behind my back...although sometimes I STILL feel that way not knowing for sure if my FRIENDS have leaked my secret!

As you can see, I'M VERY PARANOID! :) So I definitely feel your paranoia.

Thankyou both, reassuring to know im not alone. Im sure 90% of it is in my head, i just wish i could not care what people think but like you nanners, im a born worrier and this DD does not help!

sr5599, i hate situations like that. I know at the end of this month there is an evening of talks and a meal out, about 40 mins from my home. I just can't do it, it's not like it's part of my job description and it's unpaid, it's actually meant as more of a treat for eveyone. I'll have to speak to my boss and im sure he'll be fine about it but it'll stress me out loads and i'll feel so guilty.

I also worry that people think im making things up just to get out of things i don't fancy doing.

I probably come across as fine most of the time as im very good at hiding how im feeling plus some days i can go out for meals and things. I don't think people understand exactly how this disease works and i really dont feel comfortable discussing it. Can you imagine:

'i can't come to the works meal because im likely to get bloated to the point of explosion followed by really bad wind, possible diarreoah and my bowels will sound like there's an alien in there trying to get out-is it ok if i skip it!!'

I agree too, I cut my hours after a huge flare and never went back to working heavy again and I know some people think I am just being lazy and trying not to do 'extra' and all that, when really I'm just looking out for my own well being. I don't divulge my disease to many people, but the Human Resources in my place knows and they are the only ones who really need to know. At times people I HAVE told about the crohns have heard others talking bad about me, if I call in sick for a day, and then they defend me, without saying why I was sick and thats nice, but still, I get it lots too, people talking bad cause they don't understand. I have been open with saying I have a disease, just not which one, so they SHOULD know I do have a REASON even if I'm not being specific...about two weeks ago one lady made a really crude comment to my face and I just ignored it and walked away, it hurts, but I also know they don't know and I just leave thier ignorance to themselves. (my job is one of those ones where the people talk WAY too much about business that isn't thiers and make stuff up and blow situations out of order so I'll never tell them whats wrong since they will say I am dying, contagious or something ignorant like that, I'd rather just keep it to myself then give them something to blow out of order)

I get disgusted with the guy that calls in with a cold too! If they only really knew what we endure! I am too committed and loyal to call in a sick day even when I am sick. Pretty stupid, huh! I've been flaring this week and did take the day off yesterday just because I was in the bathroom 7-8 times the night before and was exhausted. I also wanted the day on a proper liquid diet so I could straighten myself out without prednisone. I still feel guilty!

The best thing I did for myself was figure out a way to work for myself.  I no longer have that pressure and now have flexibility.  It's tough.  We all judge each other and have opinions.  How do we really know how that person is feeling?  Being my own boss allows me to be the judge.  I never thought I could or would do it, but did.  Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself alot of slack.  This is a hard disease to deal with. Take care and hugs. 

I understand. I just posted in another thread how I get frustrated that I can do things I want to do and rarely get sick but when someone else asks me to do something I get anxious and end up getting sick and miserable while there. I definitly think it is another mental aspect of the disease. I like control and I like to do things on my own terms, when I want to, where I want to, with the people I want to.

It makes me wonder how people work when the office hours of most places is the same as our work schedule. I work full time in the summer and because I am only there 3 months I hate missing any work. But, I put off making a lot of appointments while I was in school. However, NONE of them are crohns related. So doesn't every body need to do this. My dog needs to get to the vet, I need to see the orhodontist, and I need a check up at the gyno. Oy.

One particular person I work with will call in sick 1-2 times a week, but has recently missed nearly an entire month. It aggravates and hurts me because I tell her what I go through with my health and there is no sympathy or even understanding on her part, but she expects everyone else to feel empathy for her. She will call in for anything ranging from diarrhea to migraines to depression--yes, she honestly has said she cannot come in due to having diarrhea. Do you know how many times I have been to work with diarrhea???

I think the thing that hurts the worst is that I really thought this person was a friend who would be there for me, or at least, believe me. I told her today that next month I have a doctor appointment I cannot miss (I was trying to hint that she really should have her butt to work), she acted like she didn't even care. I told her the things I am going through (passing blood, increased diarrhea, etc.) and she could have cared less. All she cared about was her problems and how to deal with them. I am sorry...I find it hard to continue to have sympathy for someone who cannot have sympathy or understanding for someone else.

On the other hand, most everyone else I work with, that knows I could have IBD, has been very kind and supportive. I guess it just hurts because I considered this person to be more of a friend than a coworker.

Thanks for letting me vent, anyhow.

Just to add to my work paranoia:there is a phantom pooer at work. The toilets are right next to our office and some one is having diarrheoa every day, it smells out the entire building and i just know that everyone thinks it's me!! The thing is, if i had D i'd use a toilet in another area of work so that my colleagues wouldn't smell/hear it!! I'm hoping it'll happen when im on my holidays next week so they'll know i'm not the culprit!

I know, my husband was like "don't be so daft! Why don't you say something about the smell" but i can't as it could be one of my work mates and i don't want to offend anyone! Anyway, im off for 5 days now so fingers crossed they'll strike again while i'm away!

Thankyou! I'll do my best to get to the bottom of it (excuse the pun!). I've only ever regretted telling one person about my crohn's and that is because whenever i see them i get a patronising "oh poor you, how are you feeling dear" ARGHHHH i hate that! Just talk to me normally!!

The truth is that NO-ONE can understand this disease even my husband and parents who have held my hand through it all can't possible realise what i go through everyday.

IrishRed, i think the next time you have to miss training or a game and if you're feeling brave you should confide in someone. My policy has always been to only tell someone new if it ever affects them and it's worked for me so far. The truth (usually a watered down version from me) is always better than an excuse xx