You may have crohns if

dragonfly137927 said...
when your spouse tells you to bottle your farts so you can send it to febreeze so they can find a spray to combat that smell cuz what they make now doesnt work......yes he actually said that.....when you only read while on the toilet and finish 3-5 books per week

OMG, that really made me LOL! I've fairly new to this Crohn's thing (off work since Nov. 2007, diagnosed in Jan. 2008) and was just having a chat with my wife the other day about how many books I've read in the last 3-4 months...and all of them read bit by bit entirely in the bathroom! The subject came up when my wife was surprised that I was on my way to Chapters yet again! Without exaggeration, I'm easily 10+ full novels since Christmas. That's probably more than I've read in the previous 10 years!

This is one of the best threads I've read in a long time. I'd love to add to it but hard to top a lot of the ones already posted!!! The only thing I can think of that fellow Crohnies would understand:

If your worst nightmares aren't about home invasions, murders, zombies, werewolves, aliens, etc. but instead are much worse...a global toilet paper crisis!

Love this thread...keep it up :)

ok, couple more then I'll give you all a break lol!

- you frequently experience your legs falling asleep (pins and needles) from sitting on the toilet too long
- you go for a SBFT and there are several other patients doing it at the same time. You are *always* the last finished because the barium takes forever to traverse your clogged/strictured intestines.
- you spend the majority of time relating with your family from the bathroom...carry on conversations with your spouse, yelling at your kids to quit fighting with each other, dispensing advice, making plans, etc.
- the sentence you say the most everyday is "I'll be out in a minute"!
- your pharmacist jokes that he is thinking of adding an extension, and that in honour of you he will dedicate it the *your name here* wing!
- you have a hidden stash of toilet paper that you don't let your kids or even your spouse know about, in case your household ever runs out!
- you are jealous when you see that whoever used the toilet before you forgot to flush and left a big solid stool (how'd they do that?)
- you are jealous when going on a trip and your fellow travelers suggest stopping at McDonalds to eat, that they never have to plan or worry for bathroom emergencies afterwards (how do they do that?)
- you enjoy walks in the woods, and have perfected the squat and can identify which leaves are best for cleanup (but only if you forgot to bring tp - which most crohnies probably never do. I only included this because I'm still fairly new to this, but I'm learning never to travel anymore without the tp!!!)
- you want to cry when you see somebody with hot, spicy chicken wings, cause you so badly want them but you know better. Then you *DO* cry (later) when you stupidly have some anyways hoping it will be alright!
- you frequently starve yourself for at least a day beforehand if you have to attend an event (like a wedding, hockey game, etc) where timely access to a bathroom isn't guaranteed!
- you've reached a point in life where your strongest belief is "never trust a fart"!

and finally:

- your browsing medical forums looking for tidbits of advice when you come upon a thread that sheds humour on your condition. You waste an hour reading through it and realize that it's the first time you've ever smiled/laughed at your problem, you realize that there are many other people that suffer the same embarrassing problems, and you realize that looking upon your condition from a light-hearted point of view instead of a negative one is much better. In your upbeat mood, you feel like contributing back to the thread and fellow sufferers by posting a couple of your own anecdotes. Eventually you look at the clock and suddenly realize you've added several posts, and a couple of hours have gone by! (LOL, well maybe this last one might not be unique to Crohn's!)

Ok, no more now. I'm self banishing myself to give others a chance and to give you all a break from me now. Can't wait for my wife to wake up though so I can read a bunch of these posts to her. Kudo's to the starter and to all the posters of this wonderful thread! :)

That second to the last one you posted Pat... I've never been much for spicy food, anyway... but...

It kind of reminds me of how I feel every time I see someone eat chocolate... or eat real ice cream... //^_^\\'...


You may have Crohn's if:

- You feel so bad and you're so hopeful that your next doctor visit will provide you with some relief, that you look forward to it as though if it were a trip to Disneyland! You even start to fantasize that the doctor will somehow develop magical powers and Mickey Mouse-ears (for the fun of it) and make everything better right then! YAY!

you secretly fantasize that the Doctor will find another ailment and then tell you that you don't have Crohn's after all and will be cured with a dose of medicine... I have this one from time to time then I am reminded that I have so many test results proving that I do indeed have CD. One can dream though. pat5star , your post about browsing the medical forms really hit home with me. I can remember reading a funny post here when I was a newbie and I really felt much better! Karen

Celey You really cracked me up .

When your GI laughs when you tell him you had enough of crohn's and your ready for a cure now.

Little does he know that on Halloween you thought of dressing up as a colonscope and laugh every time when you think he might say bend over because you reached the point where your ready to drive him home.

When the funniest thing next to your Brother is this thread.lol gail

It still makes me giggle. Keep posting. Laughing at this obnoxious disease is great medicine.

When you carry a briefcase sized purse not because you are so important but to hold all of your crohns necessities.

      You know you have Crohn's when:

       Your bumper sticker reads " Never trust a Fart!"

        Matthew

When your actually happy they cut out the problem areas and you finally know what it's like to have a BM.

When you meet a fellow crohnie and can compare incision scars

when you get pressure and you don't know what's gonna blow next

When you buy the biggest bottle of tylenol you can find because your used to doing things in a big way.

When it's a very happy day when the septic system gets emptied because your worried that you could end up in a poop castle.

You know you have crohns when you go fishing with Marie-Claire and she cuts two holes in the ice.

FallColors said...
When you provide free education sessions to the head of the ER (Setons 101 show-and-tell).

When you are happy you have setons.

When the ER docs admit you are too complicated for them to treat (!)

When you actually start seriously considering infesting your self with hookworms! (which I still am).

I seriously considered it too... then things got worse before I could get back to the university doing the study... had to have more bits snipped out... I believe it was Ames Iowa that was doing it in '05...

Sherrine, one hole is for fishin ,,,the other is for splishin. Less you think its a two seater outhouse. You know your a crohne if your fishin buddy has ever had to fetch warm water to unstick your behind from an ice hole in north Canada.
If you have ever had to use a half frozen fish to wipe your butt.( remember the scale only go one way) ( ouch )
If a, sinker, has a whole new meaning to you.
If you have considered a different use for a cork stopper.
If its not your feet you have trouble keeping warm while out on the ice
If all the fish seem to be looking intently with wide open eyes and you wish for more privacy
If you have to put the heater out in your ice shack for fear of an explosion
If the smell of fish actually improves the smell in the fish shanty
If you have a sign on your fishing hut that reads.... Occupied,,Knock before you enter,,
If the fish you just caught is not gasping for air because its out of water
and most important, if making sure your hands are,, ALWAYS,, warm, has nothing to do with dexterity