food anxiety

Anyone else experience incredible guilt, a sense of deprivation, and a depression over food? Anyone else try to analyze and justify everything s/he eats?

In college I recognized this attitude as a symptom of an eating disorder. I'm probably trying to control the disease by controlling everything I eat---thus the guilt and deprivation.

Yesterday at a cute fast food joint, I was thanking my lucky stars I could eat a tuna sandwich and some fries. But as ice cream cone after sundae after shake, cheeseburger, and chili dog went by me, I just got lower and lower and lower. I feel so deprived. How STUPID, right? I'm lucky I can eat anything after the weeks of chix broth and popsicles. Weeks that I might see again at anytime. Am I obsessed?

Anyone else have no real body image? I have no true idea of what I look like. Last year at this time, the crohn's was calm and I was heavy--138 lbs for my small frame of 5'2". Now, having been through quite a flare, I'm 110 lbs and feel guilty about EVERYTHING that goes in my mouth. Will I gain weight? Should I not eat this? Will I get sick?

Intellectually I know it's part of the disease to worry about the effects of what I eat. But I'm tired of approaching a restaurant menu with the view "what will do the least amount of damage" instead of "What will I enjoy?" If I do actually feel well enough to eat something "fun or yummy" I feel terribly guilty about it. And, for someone who loved gin and tonic, I feel so, so, so guilty even with a glass of wine.

I love to cook and I love to try new foods. Hand over the octopus, the tripe, the shark fin--I'd try anything. Beginning to get out of this flare, I can finally look at a cooking tv show or a magazine. For months, I could not. It just depressed me.

Sorry about the loaded rant that is loaded with issues. and thanks. Just a little bummed even though I have so much to be thankful for.

I have issues with my body image as well. I got so used to being thin naturally (aka from Crohns) that I found I identified so much with... how do I put this, my attractiveness. Like no matter how crappy I felt, at least I looked good. Then, my doc switched my birth control and in addition to the hair loss I had from crohns I was getting pimples and gaining weight. I don't know how much of the weight gain was from remission and new foods and how much was from the birth control. But I was super bloated too so i think some was just water weight, bc and crohns. Anyway, I gained at least 11 pounds in 2 months and got so depressed. I didn't care that I wasn't "fat" I just hated my clothes not fitting, not being confident in a bathing suit, etc. I finally caved and have started working out some. But I just kept feeling like people were judging me. That my husband must obviously prefer me skinny etc. Like, I feel better, I should be happy to eat this, but it may cause me to gain weight. Etc. The biggest issue is I just don't have the money to go out and buy new clothes. So I want to stay at my crohns weight and just not have the crohns symptoms.

Do you ever go on post secret? Basically a guy writes books based on anonomous secrets people send in on postcards. He has a website where he posts new secrets every Sunday. There is a group that archives them on facebook. Anyway, if I ever send in a card it will read something like

"I have a chronic illness and am finally healthy but my vanity wants my sick body back because I feel more attractive skinny."

wow, good stuff here. I can now admit that I became anorexic after my dx. I was so scared by reading posts about pred, that I stopped eating while on pred! I am actually eating much better now that I stopped gluten, but still watch everything that goes into my mouth. and, yes, there are times it is really a drag to watch folks eat whatever they want. I, as always, just try to focus on symptoms and what makes me feel better. yp

I got this way about 4-5 months before I was diagnosed. I knew everything that I ate would be coming back out in about two hours, in a most painful fashion, so- why bother eating it in the first place? I no longer fear starvation. I've been there, and it's not that bad.

I started the gluten-free diet, after thinking I had celiac disease. Things improved markedly- about 80% of my symptoms were gone, but the remaining 20% were enough to get me to go to the doctor. Endoscopy and biopsy indicated I had Crohn's disease. I've been on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet ever since, and the difference is remarkable. No bleeding since February. No stomach pains. No diarrhea. My blood numbers are back to normal. I've been off my meds since January.

In terms of the food you eat, I cannot recommend enough Michael Pollan's books, particularly "In defense of food." I would strongly recommend Elaine Gottschall's "Breaking the vicious cycle." Get a copy from the library if you don't care to buy it, or just Google for the title and read the wisdom on the web. The diet requires great discipline, but if it works- and it doesn't work for everybody- it's worth it.

Crohn's showed me how addicted I was to the thought of not being able to have certain foods. Once you train that addiction and get it out of your head, its all good.

Irish63 you really should try therapy. It has helped me soooo much. I was stressing about so many unimportant things and getting sick becuz of it, the therapy is helping me with that alot. Good luck!

See... This is why I don't watch much TV....


Commercials? All the bad food.... Dairy Queen commercials are especially torturous. And chocolate? Chocolate is everywhere. Teasing me... tempting me... and I have to keep thinking, 'No, remember what happened last time... remember... remember...'

Right now, I'm having some food anxiety myself... 5 mg of prednisone... going to be completely off really soon... I've lost my appetite... I don't feel like eating anything at all a lot of times...

Sometimes, food scares me.

this post finds me at a funny time, because all i can think is food and i are NOT friends. i used to go to counseling once i went into my first remission because at that point i was so trained into food being my enemy because of how everything made me so sick and in pain i couldnt bring myself to eat. the doc repaired my relationship with food and i went out of control. i ate everything and didnt think about any consequences. being in another flare for a year now i am back to my old ways where i hate food but crave everything. and just as gail just said we need to learn how to eat and that's my problem. i have a guilt associated with "bad" foods but at the same time sometimes i feel all foods are bad foods. i have no idea what i really should eat or shouldnt. fresh fruits and veggies are "healthy" for non-crohns, but obviously not good for us, and then there's the whole gluten thing which i'm intrigued by but too scared to give it all up. here's my huge problem. i'm ready to make a change because for example, today i didn't eat anything, was in teh bathroom maybe 23-25 times so far today and about 15 times in excrutiating pain, decided to try and eat some plain noodles (bad for gluten i suppose), 15 minutes later i was in teh bathroom screaming in pain, ended up throwing it all up, and now here i am craving a brownie! that's my problem, kill me cause i sometimes just crave a brownie around that time of the month :X....

"Food is thine enemy" is how I have felt for years. Im a slim Crohnie and I absolutely love to eat, having said that I do try to watch what I eat now, but when I was a young adult I used this disease to purge my body of the fattening foods I consumed. People would say how lucky I was that I could eat all day (not good food either) and still stay slim, little did they realise that the food would exit its way out as quick as I ate it. Looking back I wish now I had been more aware of what I was doing to my bowel and body and maybe I wouldnt be in the messes I have been in as a mid age adult now. Jo

i know im in the same exact boat! people say i should try and find what agrees with me, LITERALLY NOTHING agrees with me. if i drink water im still on the toilet in pain, seriously. so yeah i hate food. and about the comments, i hate them too. just the other day i was out to eat with my boyfriend's family. i ordered, ate a few bites, and spent the rest of the two hours in a out of the bathroom every 15 minutes (embarrassing!). i ended up getting mad at my boyfriend because each time i would come back i would say something subtle like "i think we should go soon" or "think we could get ready to go" and finally i was just like "WE'RE LEAVING!" and then i get in the car with him just to hear that his family was making comments saying things like, how is she going to the bathroom so much, she barely took a bite or her food! ahh annoying haha

it will get easier if you seek the right treatment, trust me try adn get it under control before it gets worse, remicade and prednisone worked for me to get me out of my first flare

wow! These post actually made me cry! This is all so new to me. I am so messed up with food and body image its unreal! I feel like a freak! I have always been overweight then when i started to get sick I lost 80 plus ponds in 4 months. Diagnosed this april and weight still coming off! I have lost to date 106 pounds. My body image is wacked out....everyone telling me wow you look so great, you are so thin...blah blah blah well of course I like to hear that but then there is the food depression ....of course I loved food that is how I was so over weight.

   Now I have no appetite it never came back! I am afraid of food! I have to be reminded by my family to eat regularly. I have sad feelings when there is so much I can not eat. I try to stay thankful for just being alive but it is such a hard adjustment. Food is totally my enemy no doubt about it. I hope that with time I will mentally adjust my relationship with food to stave off malnutrition and exhaustion. Many many times I just wish I could just quit eating. I love being thin but I don't want to be so sick and in pain!