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Posted 7/14/2008 6:57 PM (GMT 0)

Hey, have any of you out there adopted a child while diagnosed with Crohns?  my husband and I have no children and have been battling with complications for 3 years.  we're too afraid to get pregnant now since I am not in remission, had major bowl surgery last year, am having blood clot issues, and am fighting two fistulas.  pretty much everyone else's story :-) . 

     So, we are looking at adopting.  but I'm concerned about the release that I have to sign so they can pull my medical files and the clause that states I need to be medically healthy.  I mean, I'm okay.  I'm not in the hospital.  I can't work right now because of nausea and vomitting, but I can take care of myself just fine. 

     First of all, tell me if i'm an idiot for thinking about bringing a new child into my house by any means at this time.  It won't hurt my feelings.  secondly, has anyone that has adopted had to sign a medical release?  has the crohn's caused problems in adopting?  we're in really early stages so we haven't met with anyone or even sent in any paperwork at all.  so i don't really have an adoption counselor to talk to yet.  Please, anyone with any info about adoption would be great.  I don't know what I'm doing!!!

Posted 7/14/2008 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Lavender,

I don't know what the law is or how your crohns effects the adoption process. I have considered adopting in the past as well and a good friend of mine who has adopted 3 children from Liberia as well as a failed domestic adoption did say that she wasn't sure either if they would let me adopt with crohns.

I have a very good friend who worked as a social worker for an adoption agency so Im sure I can find out more soon for you.

I think adoption is just so awesome and I wish you the best of luck!

Sally
Posted 7/14/2008 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, only you know what you are able to do or not do. I think if you want to adopt and your up to it you should try.There are too many children out there with no one . I mean after all, my mom was not real healthy and I turned out g,,,,,. Well maybe thats not a good example. Anyway,,,,good luck you you...
Posted 7/14/2008 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
I am an adoptive mom of adult children and was healthy when I did it, but I would say in general it depends on the agency/country you work with. some places you have to be under 40, married, straight, of ideal weight, etc. some places are much more willing to take those who don't follow these guidelines. i would talk to a couple agencies and you will have to be honest about your health and see what they say. I bet it would help if your doc wrote a letter stating you can take care of yourself and a family.
keep us posted and write me if you want more tips and ideas. yp
Posted 7/14/2008 10:00 PM (GMT 0)

I first became a foster mom and then adopted a little girl when I was 48 and have had Crohns for 20 years.  During the process I told them but maybe because it was through the state (Oregon) they did not care as there as so many kids here waiting to be adopted.  Could be different in a private adoption.  I say go for it, there are days I have a hard time dealing but she can brighten up my day real easy.    Good Luck on whatever you decide to do. 

Deb 

Posted 7/15/2008 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
sally, that would be great as some extra information. and thanks to everyone else too. truthfully, i'm a little scared about having a child either by pregnancy or by adoption. some days i just really feel crappy. and also, as much as a i hate to admit it, i am struggling with depression because of everything. and you know how that can make you feel. so i guess i feel inadequete to raise a child. my husband is kind of ancy(sp?) because he feels like he is getting old (27, oh please). for some reason he thinks that having a child will make me feel better. i don't know. maybe it will. i have had the paperwork for 3 months and still haven't filled it out. but don't get me wrong, i want children. for those of you who didn't adopt but had children during the disease, did you feel the same way? i guess it's normal, but telling myself that doesn't help. i think of myself holding this small child who was entrusted to me and think, Lord, what am i going to do?
Posted 7/15/2008 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
My parents adopted my sister before my Mom was diagnosed. My Mom was told she wouldn't be able to carry a child to term, so they started the adoption process. I think adoption is truly wonderful thing and there are way too many children in the world who need parents. If you feel you have the energy and love to give, then go for it. It may be that you have to look harder to find an agency that will work with you, but follow your heart.
Posted 7/15/2008 5:03 AM (GMT 0)
My wife and I adopted through our county 3 years ago. We now have a perfect little boy that turns 3 next week.

My wife has rheumatoid arthritis and I have Crohn's. We had to get a full physical done for the county, however it was done by our own doctor. I had to ask my wife, as I don't recall, but she said that the doctor did put the Crohn's and arthritis on the forms. It was never an issue. Honestly the social workers who will be handling the forms won't really know what it means. Basically all they care about is that you don't have any contagious disease, that you aren't going to keel over dead any time soon, and that you are mentally stable.

Honestly, I don't think you will have any problem.

If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me by e-mail. My wife and I are more than happy to talk about our experience.

You are doing a wonderful thing. There are so many children out there that need good loving homes. My son is sitting next to me right now, and I'm thankful every day that he is part of my life and that my wife and I did this.
Posted 7/15/2008 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Children are lots of work and responsiblity no doubt about it. Give yourself some time to think about it. Do you have family support that would step in and take care of the child if you are not well? Not wanting to be rude but I really don't think a child will take care of a depressed state of mind. lol gail
Posted 7/15/2008 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
This might sound trivial but do you have any pets? Dogs are a lot of work but not nearly as much as I hear kids are. You could borrow someones dog for a week and see if the dogs need for attention while you are not feeling well drives you batty. If so, having a child around would probably be even harder. You could offer to baby sit for friends a few nights too. See what you are going to be in for before you take the big plunge.
Posted 7/16/2008 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
thanks fitzy. we thought the same thing and lost our dog to old age last year. we have a new puppy (13 weeks!) and he's doing great. it actually went better than i thought and we love him very much. we also have 2 cats.
thanks to everyone else for you suggestions! you have given me lots of different points of view. I appreciate it!
Posted 7/16/2008 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
My husband and I are in the (LONG) process of adopting our daughter from China - we've finished all of the paperwork and been approved, now we're just waiting to be matched with our child. We didn't have to sign any medical release forms, we only needed to have our doctor fill out a form with general health information and to write a brief letter explaining any health conditions.

Adoption is a beautiful way to build a family and I'm happy that you're considering it :)
Posted 7/16/2008 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lavender, I really feel for all the young folks at this forum who are trying to decide about having children. I had four children before I realized I had any health issues. My biggest problem was fatigue . . . but I found some pretty good ways to deal with it. I didn't have GI issues back then . . . it was the lupus issues. Anyway . . . someone above said it best. Only YOU know what you are capable of. When you bond with a baby/child and you are responsible for their care, you can really dig down and find another bit of energy to take care of things. But it is really hard sometimes. Caring for children is a big job even for a healthy person. But I was wondering if it would make any sense to become a foster parent and try it out for a while. This would give you a pretty accurate picture of how things might be as a parent. I have friends whose children were grown and they got into fostering. They were asked to care for an infant who was born to a crack addict. Long story short . . . they adopted this little fellow and another baby was born to the same addict-mom so they were asked to care for the infant girl as well. Now they have adopted two absolutely beautiful children. Just a thought. Wishing you and your hubby well as you weigh out your options. Blessings!
Posted 7/16/2008 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Not much to add to the above, but just want to express my feelings. I have was diagnosed at 19 (way before I was ready for children) My husband and I did not think twice about having children. (At that time, 36 years ago, there was no indication that Chrohns had a genetic connection, so that didn't play into our decision) I wanted children since I was very young. Everyone I know felt I was born to be a mom. My first child turned out to be twin girls and when they were 10 months old I ended up in the hospital with my first bowel resection. Luckily I had family around to help my husband deal with the babies. After that I had a period of remission and then I had to deal again with the return of this DD. Still stuggling after a total of 3 resections. Although at times it was difficult, my daughters (I had 3) turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. They grew up to be caring, compassionate, and wonderful adults.

I know that adoption brings its own set of possible complications, including health issues. But I feel that if you want children and have a support system, you should go ahead and follow your heart. There are never any guarantees in life and that includes the health of all parents. And, as others have said, there are many children out there who need loving homes.

Whatever your decision, I wish you and your husband the best.
I hope this DD doesn't stand in your way of experiencing one of life's greatest blessings.
Posted 7/16/2008 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
As the adopted child of a sick mother I feel that if you are too sick to work than you shouldn't have a child.  My mother died from complications of diabetes when I was 16.  She was in and out of the hospital from the time I was 12.  When she was home she was usually to sick to do much of anything, sometimes even answer the phone.  It was not a fun childhood.  My father became so busy between working and working to take care of mother that there wasn't much time for me.  I don't think it is fair to bring a child into your life knowing that you are sick and will likely get worse as time goes by.  That's just my two cents.
Posted 8/5/2008 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
i hope you do adopt.  i was diagnosed in 1977 with crohns.  had very hard time initially but during one of my remission periods in late 90's, after a miscarriage, i decided to adopt.  my son is now a teenager and has been a true blessing to me.  since my relapse in 2006 (my colon has deteriorated and i suffer from uncontrollable diahrrea); he is the only thing that keeps me going. 

Posted 8/5/2008 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
If you feel like you want to adopt, then adopt. Don't let the thought of you being "sick and will likely get worse as time goes by" stop you. I refuse to accept the fact that b/c we have Crohn's we will likely "get worse" and therefore can't adequately take care of a child. If you feel deep down that you are ready, then you are.

Jodi, sorry you had such a rough childhood. My heart goes out to you, but I do not agree with your comment. Just b/c one is sick doesn't mean they are incapable of taking care of a child.
Posted 8/5/2008 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
lilturbo, I am not saying that you should not have a child if you are sick. What I am saying is that if a person is to sick to get up and go to work everyday then they probably shouldn't have a child. Raising a child is a 24/7 job and if you can't manage 9 hours a day behind a desk then what makes you think that you can spend day after day running around after an toddler or spending the night up with a sick child?
Posted 8/6/2008 5:21 AM (GMT 0)
hey im adopted and no matter what you have if you truly want to be a parent and you no that u omcan give that child a better home or environment than they have now then do it you could never no what your doing for that child dealing with a parent with crohns wich i have by the way and also have two kids is nothin g like not having a parent at all love is love and even a little for a short time is better than none ...you still have a life to live even with crohns with child it would be so much better...loumdunn
Posted 8/6/2008 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
I say you should go for it... I had 2 kids before diagnosis and I care for them both just fine. Some days are not perfect but no one is looking at taking them away from me cause I have an illness so I see no reason you cannot adopt. You also have your husband which I assume does not have an illness. so many kids need homes and if you want them I think you should really research it and go for it! I think you are awesome for thinking about doing this!!!!  You never know there might be a kid with CD out there that needs a Mom. Karen
Posted 8/6/2008 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Very well said Karendee, and I agree wholeheartedly. You want a baby go for it.
Posted 8/7/2008 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Just my two cents,I say take some time with your husband and think about being parents,I think if you want to be parents then you should.EVERYBODY has down days,I don't care if someone has IBD,asthma,lupus,arthritis,or nothing at all diagnosed,we all have bad days and sick days,just because we have a diagnosis,unless you are in bed chronically sick most of your life,then think of all the great days you have,and speaking as a Mom,kids are awesome,yes,I want to tie them up sometimes,but they bring such joy and amusement to my life ,and they are so sweet and caring,my husband recently had a car accident and the boys were his little mother hen,so cute,so please,do what is best for your family,and keep us posted :-)
Posted 8/7/2008 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
I think if you feel up to and ready for having a child either through adoption or on your own, you should go for it.  I agree with what Lynn said--whether you have a diagnosis or not, we all have good and bad days.  Only you can decide if you are ready or not.

I have a 9 year old son who I adore and cannot imagine not having around.  He has been such a blessing in my life and understands when I don't feel well. 

IF I were to ever meet the right man, I would consider having another child, even with the Crohn's, whether it be one of my own or through adoption. 

 

Posted 8/7/2008 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
I would say if you want adoption advice, talk to the adoption people, there are lots of people who think they know about the process, but the real answers come when you ask the right questions to the right people. My cousin is about to adopt a baby from Vietnam. The process has taken over 2 years, that may not always be the situation, but if you want to do it, talk to the people who know the real answers. I think adoption is one of the most selfless acts of love we can do as human beings!
Posted 8/7/2008 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
True, however I found with our county the social workers were so pressed to offload cases they'd do darn near anything to get someone to take a child. We were lied to on several occasions by social workers. A couple of them were worse than used car salesmen. We were basically threatened at one point that if we didn't take one of the placements that they'd see we never got another one. Probably an isolated case, but still, be careful when talking to the social workers, some of them don't have your best interests in mind.
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