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losing my mind and my clothes

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Posted 8/5/2008 2:14 PM (GMT 0)

Last night I finally ceaned out my closet. I have had CD and massive weight loss since dec so I have gone down from size 28 to size 14! I am still losing, it is very scary! I was crying my  eyes out when I was taking out all my stuff, I know I am happy to not be so huge now but I am so afraid.

This is crazy why am I crying over my fat clothes! I feel so much anxiety about food and clothes. I was back to school shopping with my daughter (shes almost 13) and I was standing by one of those full length 3 way mirrors with her and I looked up at my self and lost it...I was crying my eyes out I don't know my body....I look thin but sick! My daughter asked are those happy tears mom? I did not know what to say......I just don't know myself! I think I am losing my mind. I don't know my body anymore I think I feel betrayed. Am I crazy!

Posted 8/5/2008 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
Many of us have many sizes of clothes in our closets. I know I do. When I get sick the first thing that happens is I lose weight. So I personally don't toss out too much because you never know when you will get stuck on Prednisone and gain it all back. JMHO
Posted 8/5/2008 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
We should have a crohnie clothes exchange lol. I could trade some size 4 and size 6 clothes for some size 7 and 9's lol! (maybe even 10....)
Posted 8/5/2008 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
My mother likes to tell me that I cannot trust my disease to keep me thin and she means it to be funny.
Posted 8/5/2008 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
I totally know how you feel and how confused you are about your body image.  I fotunately was relatively thin before this all began (a size 6-8) but I have gradually dropped down to a size 4 and now with my most recent flare a size 0-2.  What is so hard is that I have people coming up to me telling me how great I look.  How can I look great?  I feel so terrible.  Do I have to be sick to look "good".  It really messes with your mind and how you define a healthy self and healthy body image.  Then you start thinking if I start to feel better and put on weight will I no longer look "good"?  It is total crazyness.   

Posted 8/5/2008 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Gracie Girl.....that is exactly how I feel! I hate that everyone is saying how great I look when I am sooooo sick and in so much pain! Totally messes with my head !
Posted 8/5/2008 11:24 PM (GMT 0)
All I can suggest is not getting rid of your old clothes. Put them if storage if you have to, but don't get rid of them. You don't know what your weight will be later this year, or in several years' time. It would cost a lot of money and energy to replace them, so it might be better to hold onto them until your medical condition is a little more stable.

You have my sympathy. This illness is so rough on self-esteem and self-image.

Ivy.
Posted 8/5/2008 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
I have size 10 to 26...lol
Posted 8/5/2008 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Yep, and I have size eight to sixteen. At the moment I'm wearing the clothes that last fitted me in 1997-8. They're not fashionable, but hey, they fit, and I don't have the energy or the money to buy more.
Posted 8/5/2008 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hope you are on meds to help control your dramatic weight loss .That is alot of weight and I would think your wandering where it will all end. I don't mind being thin but a person likes the strength and feeling good that goes with it, hang in there things will improve. lol gail
Posted 8/6/2008 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
Im a thin Crohnie too and it scares me when I flare that I havent got anything else to lose. I have been on various doses of pred for 5 years now (5mg - 60mg) and not even that makes me put on weight, I cant imagine how thin I will be if I ever get off the pred. Everything about this disease is scary, from the meds we take to what our bodies are doing, just know that how you feel is not silly and that you are not alone in feeling this way. Jo
Posted 8/6/2008 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
you could mail them to me    I will pay postage , lol good for you losing the weight, I hope I am next. I hate buying bigger clothes each time I shop, I am huge! Karen
Posted 8/6/2008 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
i also hate the feeling of getting compliments, but also i get to the point (like now) where i get too thin and people say how sick i look... all i want to do is put on healthy weight because im at the point where a size 0 is too big without a belt. i always get scared when im in my flares and i get down to under 100 lbs... i can't like my body when i look so sick... it's making me depressed just thinking/writing about it
Posted 8/6/2008 11:45 AM (GMT 0)

from the guys POV....I have boxes of clothes  sizes 48 waist down to 32...currently I am at 34.  I say keep the clothes and save a bundle as your weight goes back and forth.  It is possible that you could gain much of what you lost back.  I know I did...then I lost it all plus some.

The big shock for me was to see myself in photographs...they really showed me how sickly I looked.  Some pictures were so different I did not recognize myself.

It is all part of the disease and we just have to do the best we can....now I embrace my skinny body...I am happy to hear the comments from friends I have not seen in years....I just keep moving forward

Just for grins....I kept a pair of my 48 inch pants out and one of my XXL shirts...every now and then when my wife and / or I need a good laugh i put them on.

Posted 8/6/2008 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
I have sizes junior 7 through plus size 26. when I was a teen I was a little heavy and then lost a ton of weight. I threw all of my "big" clothes out and then started gaining the weight back plus tons more...due to other health issues. now I'm losing weight again from being sick...the last time I checked it was 12lbs in about 12 days...I can't weigh myself at home though, this is horribly embarrassing, but I'm still too heavy for our scale. :( obviously for me weight loss is a good thing, but not the way it's happening. anyway now that I'm losing weight I don't have that many items of clothing. when I started to get bigger I decided to start selling things on ebay because the smaller clothes just depressed me. I should've known better from the first time I did this, but oh well. like others have said maybe keep the clothes in storage somewhere in your house...just in case. clothes these days are horribly expensive! keep us updated!
Posted 8/6/2008 3:49 PM (GMT 0)
This disease is hard enough to deal with, and when you throw in the weight gain/weight loss it is even harder to deal with. 

I find that it is very hard to deal with my self-image and feelings that it brings out.  I tend to yo-yo in my weight with this DD and I find it very hard to be comfortable with myself (imagewise) when I loose weight and people make comments on it.  I have gotten comments that "you loose weight so easily, how does that work" - being said sarcastically to me, and then trying to explain it, people look at me like I have 10 heads. 

I also find it hard to deal with over the past few years that when I have gotten stable that I find myself feeling huge (I am not really), but it how I see MYSELF.  I find the feelings of insecurity of myself and how I look and see myself are hard to deal with - I will admit, it really can root inside you. 

Just a suggestion if you can do it (and afford it) - it is really been helpful for me to see a counselor for the past few months (and I will continue) to help me deal with all my health issues and the things that stem from that - this DD (and the others that I have) can take a hold on ALL aspects of your life, it touches EVERYTHING.   

Posted 8/6/2008 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for heling me to know I am not losing my mind and others struggle with these crazy body image issues! I am seriously thinking about finding a counselor if I can fund it. I just do not even know where to start or how??
Posted 8/6/2008 5:48 PM (GMT 0)

I've gone from pushing the boundries on my size 14s to having my size 4s being  a bit too loose.  Like the others posted, everyone tells me how great I look, and now, I do feel pretty good, but for the year or so that I was losing the 70 pounds or so, I felt horrible and was in and out of the hospital so many times I lost count.  I does mess with your head. 

I just wanted to share a couple of tips for changing sizes, you may already know these but they can help when you are changing sizes quickly and you can avoid buying one size up or down.  If your pants are too small use an elastic through the button hole and then over the button.  If you wear your top untucked, no one will ever know.  And if your pant are too loose, you can usually move the button over a quarter to a half an inch without it looking "off".  By doing this I was able to skip buying an entire size each way up and down.

Posted 8/6/2008 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
I go from size 4 to 10 myself. I am currently size 8. I saved some of my favorite skinny clothes and all the baggy pants and big sweaters. My entire cedar chest is dedicated to this purpose. Call me a tight wad but this is exactly why I shop at Goodwill. I do generally stick to traditional time worn clothing as plain as I can get. For all the money I save ying yangin' in weight I can buy my real passion....shoes & accessories! Since the clothes are plain I can punch 'em up with the accessories and a few trendy pieces. No, I don't feel the least bit guilty! This has become a true art form!
Posted 8/6/2008 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
I lost weight when I got sick, have gained some back, but still wear a 0 petite. I love shopping and get so annoyed when there are literally no clothes that fit me.
that aside, when I was sick I had people telling me how good I looked, but now they are telling me "we all were really worried about you and you looked pretty bad." gee thanks! :)
yes, it is hard enough to be sick, but looking bad (or not like yourself) is too much somedays. yp
Posted 8/6/2008 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
I would ask for suggestions... I personally picked a counselor that was in my Doctors practice and I was so glad I did!!!! Karen
Posted 8/6/2008 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Dont be in a hurry to get rid of your clothes. I have some fat clothes and some skinny clothes and some in between clothes. From month to moth I never know what will fit.
Posted 8/6/2008 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
I know there's still a stigma sometimes attached to seeing a therapist, but honestly so many people do it nowadays...including me. If you know anyone who is seeing a therapist or that has you could always ask them about it...if you feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff with them. Maybe you don't know anyone who has, but around here I could ask the stranger on the street about a therapist and they would have one lol. Maybe there's something in the water here lol. anyway if you can't get a friend or family member's input, try your regular doc. If all else fails pick up your phone book and pick the name you like the most and go from there. If money's an issue call multiple therapists and ask about their pricing and if they do payments, lower fees for people who can't afford the sessions, etc. Then you could just pick the one who's payment options work best. Or call around and see what their specialties are. Just some suggestions on how to get the ball rolling.
Posted 8/7/2008 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
Nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. I have been pondering this for a while now... I have this place, so I have not. My closet has size 14 - 8. I know to hold on to them, as my weight goes back and forth like a ping pong ball depending on how sick and stressed I am. I remember reading a thread here about this subject and people from work not knowing what was causing weight loss and commenting about it. That used to get to me as well. Now, don't really care. It seems that time and acceptance is helping. Heck, I remember when the doctor in the hospital came in and said Crohn's. I told him I didn't like the way it sounded and to turn around and get out of my room. That was shortly before I came here... the first place I have ever come to a board to discuss anything in my life. Gotta say, the people in here are better than any doctor I have ever met. :)

You are NOT alone. We are here.
Posted 8/7/2008 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Texan. LOL did you really tell the doc to get out !
I agree everyone here has been great and the range of knowledge and personal trials is very encouraging....
Its just a bit much some days to wrap my head around it all. :)
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