Question for men and women

Teddybear,

I don't have personal experience on that issue, but if my opinion is of interest to you then here it is:  If somebody cannot handle the disease, that means he/she doesn't really love you.  Simple as that.  My husband is a very optimistic guy, he always sees (as we say here in Greece) the glass half full, and not half empty.  And this makes things easier for me, because it gives me strength to carry on.  And as we have discussed many times together, when a couple has a relationship or are married, no one really knows what will happen to whom. 

Everybody deserves to have somebody by his/her side, who really cares, and everybody should feel loved by somebody else.  This is a human right and I don't compromise with medium situations.  

Bottom line is, girls who dump you, should really understand, that whatever happens to you, can happen to them too.  What you give, you get.

Take care

Hi Teddy Sometimes I feel it is us the ones with crohn's that have a hard time coping with relationships. Are you doing anything for Thanksgiving this year? lol gail

I agree with athensgirl.  Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. 

I am also divorced, but got divorced before I got sick.  Looking back, I honestly do not believe my marriage would have lasted through my illness anyways.

I am very sorry, Teddy--it sounds like you have had some cruel experiences.  I have not been in the dating scene since getting sick, but I know from when I was well, people were cruel then...I cannot imagine how cruel they can be when dating someone who is ill.

In some respects, I would prefer to date someone who IS sick with something...at least there would hopefully be understanding on both sides.  Sometimes I tell myself that maybe I will meet someone when I am an old woman in a retirement home and that man will be old as well and not care...lol

Take care and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

Health issues cause major stress on relationships and marriage. My husband has been very ill with lyme for several years. We have had some really rough times. I have had some major meltdowns but never thought of leaving him. Then I was just diagnosed with crohn's in June and was hospitalized in early fall. He was pretty ill when I was in the hospital too. So we've both had a lot to deal with each other's issues and our own. We've been together for eighteen years and have three kids and I can't imagine being without him.

I can totally understand how someone could be scared of getting into a relationship with someone that has certain health issues. Then there's always the possibility that you marry someone that is totally healthy, is in an accident and can't even feed themselves, you never know what you are getting into, take the good with the bad. In sickness and in health.

Miss

I suppose I'm very lucky. I'm married and we're relatively happy. I won't say it isn't hard as hell to keep the relationship going sometimes but we work at it. He's a truly wonderful person. When I was sick for three months five years ago...and by that I mean I was in the hospital literally for three months altogether over a summer season, he slept in my room every day except for twice when he was sick and stayed at our apartment. He'd work hard 40 minutes away from the hospital and come to the hospital, shower, change, keep some time with me and then sleep on those fold out chair/futons. He didn't even mind that he'd get waken up every morning by twenty doctors, interns, residents, whatever would show up and stand around my bed every morning. When I'm weak, he helps me out. When he's sick, I'm able to do whatever I can to help him (and sometimes its really hard when I feel so awful). Truthfully, I don't think I would've ever survived those surgeries if I didn't have him. Example: Woke from Surgery #1 asking for my mom. Woke from Surgeries #2, 3, and 4 saying my husband's name.

Back fur surgeries #2 and 3, we weren't married. We lived together but weren't even engaged. He's a really amazing individual that I find myself lucky to have found and to have found me. I KNOW I'm a minority when it comes to happy relationships and chronic diseases. He understands when I tell him I contemplate suicide. I don't have to explain every single reason behind why...he understands why. He's a very special person...and I've never met anyone like him in my 27 years. When we did meet; we both felt as though we knew who the other person was (I didn't ask him that question, he mentioned it to me). We've been together in one form or another for 8 years, married for 4 (5 in April) and we both still enjoy spending time together doing nothing or talking like we were dating only 3 months.

Okay, I'm not telling you this to rub your nose in it. I'm telling you because I think that every person has a soul mate, a perfect partner out there for them. When my family doesn't understand that I look fine and feel like crap; he sees that I'm feeling awful and helps me to work and make it through. I will say this: Don't go looking for a relationship. Seems to be that when you stop looking for a mate, just make a list of what you really want in another person and keep that in mind...that's when it sort of shows up.

I'm so sorry that so many of us have been unable to find someone who is a strong enough person that they can understand and live with someone with diseases as hard as ours. I know there are strong individuals out there who could...I think the people who have hurt and left so many of us, were weak characters.

I feel extremely guilty for being so lucky as to have him. He's the only son who would ever pass on his name and the fact that we'll probably never be able to afford the fertility crap that would enable me to even be possible to have children hurts me so much more than he even notices. He would be happy to never have children and just spend all his time with me. He's wonderful with children (they gravitate to him, I kid you not) and animals become puppies/kitties around him. Its taken me a long time to come to acceptance that my basic biologic function as a woman...could never be shared with him. That we'd never have a child blending our genes into a tiny person. I've tried pushing him away and he pulls me back simply by being a rock. So really, all the problems in this relationship concerning guilt and anger and pain really do seem to come from me. From the loss of dreams I had for myself as a kid and accepting what will never occur.

I hope you all find someone in your lives who is like this. Even if its just a friend.