HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Both Spouses with Crohn's/IBD

Support Forums
>
Crohn's Disease
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/8/2009 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Is there anyone out there in the situation where you and your spouse have IBD?  If so, have you had children?  If not, are you considering it?

Both my husband and I have Crohn's and do not have any children yet.  I have been told the chance is 36% that they could develop it.  I was diagnosed in March 04, and my husband in Nov 08.  We knew and were dating each other when I was diagnosed.  We married before my husband developed the disease.  I was just wondering if anyone out there had been in the same situation.

Post Edited (KNJ) : 6/8/2009 10:57:30 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/8/2009 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
Not exactly the same. My husband and I met in 2001. I was diagnosed with Crohn's in 2007 (I am the only one in my family). He has an aunt with long-term Crohn's, and since we met his cousin and sister have both been diagnosed with MS.

Clearly our kids would be at high risk for some kind of autoimmune problem...however, we still plan on having them if I am healthy enough to do it. You just have to hope for the best. Certainly worse things could happen. All family members who have these issues still maintain careers, have kids, happy lives, etc.

Posted 6/8/2009 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
My Mother had CD and I have CD. Neither of us was diagnosed when our first child was born, but we both had issues before. Where would I be if I said people who have CD shouldn't have children! Honestly, if you want to be a parent and feel that you have a happy home to raise a child in, then CD shouldn't be your first worry about having kids. There are so many diseases that have a hereditary component. What if everyone who had anything that might get passed down didn't have kids, the human race would cease to exist in just a few generations. You might choose to adopt, but there are no guarantees that the child you adopt won't have some disease down the line that has a hereditary link, just not one that you passed on.

Might your child get CD, yes. But, as parents who have an IBD, you will be able to help your kids deal with all aspects of this DD. My Mom never let CD beat her. I have never let it beat me. Maybe only because I know that my kids are watching and someday they may get the same diagnosis that I got. I want them to be able to say, "OK, Mom had this and she handled it, and so can I." After all, that is what parenting is all about. Teaching our kids how to deal with all the curve balls life throws at them.

Ultimately it has to be a decision that you are comfortable with. Since I don't know your age, I don't know if you have time to sit with this and think for awhile, or if it is a more urgent matter. Whatever you decide just needs to be the right decision for your family, not what anyone else thinks.
Posted 6/8/2009 8:15 PM (GMT 0)
I can tell you from the kid side....my dad has SEVERE Crohns and my mom has a bit of irritable bowel, maybe some crohns in her family, not quite sure, and I'm the kid and yes, I have crohns....but I dont' blame them, I grew up knowing about the disease since my dad was always in and out of hospitals and surgeries. I accepted it and when I started showing symptoms in my late teens I basically went to the doc and said "I have this and this symptoms, test me for crohns" so they did and I got diagnosed. My dad took it harder then me, worried since he passed it along, but growing up with it all prepared me and honestly, I never got depression, worried or nothing about it, I just accepted it before diagnosis even. Sure, I have my crappy days with flares, but I sure don't blame them for having me or anything, I prefer this life then nothing at all obviously.
So now I have a 3 month old boy and my husband is the perfectly healthy type, so of course I hope he got hubbys genes, but if not, we'll deal with it when the time comes, I think education is the best key about it all......What really bugs me is when my inlaws start questioning about 'is he showing disease signs yet?'.
Posted 6/8/2009 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
I am very interested in this, not so much about the children part, but moreso in how 2 people with an IBD would get along.

I think it would be a perfect match, since both people would get and understand what is going on with the other one, and both could care for each other, have compassion towards each other in ways that someone who was healthy just couldn't. Plus the humor, the toilet paper usage, and all the inside jokes about CD, seems like it would keep both in good spirits.

Just wonder really, is it like that at all?
Posted 6/8/2009 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
Here's an article I recently saw about a couple with IBD--he has UC, she has CD.

www.9news.com/news/health/article.aspx?storyid=115936

She's also a reporter and blogs about IBD/CD:

Brooke Thacker
Posted 6/8/2009 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
I have CD and my hubby has suspect CD. We just had our first child and it was not a consideration. Maybe that was because we met and were married long before either of us was Dxed. Having kids was just the plan and we stuck with it. Our daughter is happy and healthy. We figure we have to wait and see about IBD, but we're not going to stress about it. We do plan to be really open with her about GI/bathroom issues so she won't be scared of talking about it.

Homeboy, I think it's a perfect match. Though not necessarily because we're more compassionate or sympathetic. If we do something stupid, like eating something we know we shouldn't, we are less compassionate than others would be because we both know better. When it's just the illness we both do understand each other better. We have different symptoms. He is mostly D and the cramping stuff. I have strictures and C. It is nice to have 3 bathrooms though. And we always have the good TP.
Posted 6/8/2009 11:24 PM (GMT 0)
I, for one, have NO family history of Crohn's. Life is a crap shoot, so to speak. I ended up with the crap! I have two healthy children, ages 8 and 2, and I pray that they never experience this disease firsthand. But guess what? Even if you didn't have a family history, your child(ren) could still get it. On the plus side, as mentioned before, if your child did end up with Crohn's, there is no one better positioned to help them deal with the pain, emotions, doctors, medications, diet and everything else that comes with Crohn's than two parents who function as an informed TEAM. I would only be concerned if it were so debilitating to both of you that you thought it would be too much of a strain to handle caring for little ones on top of yourselves. Because it is a lot of exhausting work! Otherwise, I think all the other worries and realities will take care of themselves. I do PRAY that my children are never afflicted with this disease!

By the way, I was diagnosed about a year and a half before having my daughter. I had a problem-free pregnancy (actually felt better pregnant than not) while on Pentasa, then nursed my daughter for 19 months while still on Pentasa. I was in remission for four years! She does have a lot of food allergies, but so does my son, so I don't think the drugs or condition had anything to do with that. They are both vibrant and healthy and I would NOT TRADE BEING THEIR MOTHER for ANYTHING. And I mean ANYTHING. God bless.
Posted 6/8/2009 11:40 PM (GMT 0)
I admit I sure wish my husband had it sometimes so he would understand when I really needed it, but most times he just leaves me be.  My only rule with him that he 'obeys' by is no matter where we live it HAS to have more then 1 bathroom, haha....thats been my only rule and he sticks to it.

Posted 6/9/2009 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
jhicks-- we're a lot alike. I was in remission before being pregnant but felt even better then. I miss it (though trying for #2, so it won' be long). So much energy. I also took Pentasa throughout and still am while breastfeeding.

KNJ-- Jhicks has one point, do you have family around to help? We don't and both worry sometimes what would happen if we got sick at the same time. I tend to obstruct, so we have a plan for who would go with me to the ER while hubby stays home with our daughter. Other than that, why worry?
Posted 6/9/2009 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
Inflamed: Maybe I'll start calling you kindred, as in kindred spirit. ;) Nice to make your acquaintance and glad to hear you're doing alright and are trying for baby number 2. What a blessing!
Posted 6/9/2009 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
I was pregnant, lost the baby, and decided to stick with my initial choice not to have children.
I just don't want to pass on these genes, and I feel like there are so many other children out there that could benefit from my care. They need someone to love them and so many will not ever have that because adoption is not an option considered by too many couples...

I am against passing on detrimental genes though, and I know not everyone agrees with this. Just my personal standpoint. I believe in preservation of mankind through means that are a little bit of a hot topic...
Posted 6/9/2009 3:39 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry for your loss. I also had a miscarriage and a stillbirth (at 6 months) in between my son and daughter. I think adoption is a wonderful thing! And had we not gotten pregnant with my daughter, it was on my list for consideration. But again, having Crohn's does not ensure that your child will get it. Nor does not having it ensure that they won't get it (Look at me!). My children are a great blessing, and even if they became saddled with this disease, they could still thrive, contribute and live a very full life. On the whole, I have far more good days than bad. I pray you do, too.
Posted 6/9/2009 3:41 AM (GMT 0)
Also, a parent at my son's school told me that her mother has Crohn's. She does not and is in her mid-40s. Again, no guarantee that having Crohn's will be passed on to your child. And vice-versa.
Posted 6/9/2009 5:33 AM (GMT 0)
No guarantee, but I am also a strong advocate of population control...not in a sarcastic way either. I am just heavy into environmental science, population studies, etc. and I feel like certain things need to be done and that human beings act, understandably to an extent, in accordance with their instinct but that this is also become detrimental to our environment.
And I was born with anonychia on the left foot so there is a chance of complication in my child for that as well. I just have 'different' genes that I do not want to pass on. I feel a sense of responsibility in preventing it even if it is just a chance.
Posted 6/9/2009 8:18 AM (GMT 0)
Not only do I have Crohn's now to worry about, but there's always heart disease, cancer, dementia, autism, ect.. ect.. in my family. I mean if were going to base having kids on what runs in our families, and what they COULD inherit, NO ONE should have kids!

I had my son before being diagnosed (had him at 20, a few months later my symptoms got much worse). So of course I worry about the what if's in him getting it. But that's life.

Even with Crohn's I'm happy to be here, I'm glad my parents had me. Now my health has made it impossible for me to have more kids (so he's my miracle baby), but no I wouldn't have let that what if stop me. Anymore then the rest of my family medical history.
Posted 6/9/2009 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
LMills,
I totally understand what you are saying...My story is very similar to yours...The choices we make are very personal and sometimes very hard. Sometimes society, friends and even family disagree with or don't understand our choices. Trying to explain to my mother my choice, might as well be talking to a wall...haven't even brought it up with the MIL... confused

It is JMHO that there are other ways to "give back" or let out some of that mothering instinct. I enjoy teaching, and if, at a later time, we DO decide that we want to raise a child, she/he does not have to be of our genes either...we are happy to adopt or maybe even foster care. And, again, JMHO, the duggars, jon & kate, sulaman chica, or any of these have MORE than made up for the deficit of children not conceived by my husband and I ... shocked
Posted 6/9/2009 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
Becoming Undone-I agree as well. And I think in this day and age the amount of children the aforementioned families have had is excessive. I would never ask to take that back because I value all human life, but I value the life already here, and I think continually bringing more into the world is actually worse for all of us in the end. What about those of us who are already here?...Resources are finite..
I would love, LOVE to adopt in the future. I think there are so many beautiful people who just need a loving parental figure, and denying them that love simply because we don't share blood is ludicrous. I would die for them as soon as I would die for my own.
Posted 6/9/2009 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
KNJ...my husband does not have this disorder...but my sister does (or some sort of inflammatory disease)...my grandfather passed from MS...truthfully, the thought of giving this to my child terrifies me, I would not wish this disease on the most evil of persons (though I think some medieval torture devices achieved a similar effect as this DD) shakehead

But I guess it is about choices...they are very personal, very difficult, and we each must make them. My sister so desperately wants to have a child...me, my husband, even before the Crohn's got so bad, we weren't so sure. My illness sealed the deal, so to speak...but it was my choice...I can also understand the desire to have a child.

My reasons are somewhat akin to Lmills...My students, I cared for them as if they were my own, they did not have to be of my blood, I did not care any less...I know it may sound kinda trite, but life, all life wondrous...seeing any creature big or small, be they plant or animal, suffer due to lack of food or water or any other type of necessity is horrid to me.

I guess I am saying, I am glad that we DO have choice...and I am glad that most of us live in societies were we can have a choice (boy o boy do I love my BC pills smilewinkgrin )
Posted 6/9/2009 8:44 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions.  I really do appreciate them.  It gives me some other ways to look at things.  I am 30 right now, so this is an issue that I think about often.   Right now I am concentrating on making sure my husband gets well, but it is always in the back of my mind. 

 

HomeBoy: 

As for having a husband with the same disease, it has definitely been interesting.  It is good for him because I can be his advocate.  We he was so sick, I could talk to the doctors and understand what they were talking about.  I was able to ask better questions than if I did not have Crohn’s and was new to the disease.  It was so new to my husband, that he did not know what to ask.  But since his case is much worse than mine, it has been scary watching him go through this.  I have been in remission since 2004, but I see what I may have to go through in the future.  At least I have someone that can help me when I need it.

 

Also as you mentioned, it is good because we can talk about things and make jokes about it.  My husband is always making jokes, so now we have even more to laugh at.  The gas is a huge one!  We do keep GOOD toilet paper on hand at all times and also baby wipes.  My husband jokes that we should buy stock in the toilet paper company. LOL  And of course we will NEVER again live in a 1 bathroom house!  We just moved into a 2 bath house from a 1 bath house right as my husband was becoming sick.  The timing could not have been more appropriate!

Posted 6/10/2009 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
jhicks-- kindred, I like it!
Posted 6/10/2009 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
KNJ-- you're right about being able to be an advocate. I have the worse case between hubby and I, but he has symptoms more often. I was able to get him to a better GI and convince him to deal with the symptoms instead of ignore them. When his original GI was an idiot, I wouldn't let him settle for non-answers. I knew better. That was one benefit.
Posted 6/10/2009 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
We would love to adopt too, but I'm guessing sadly that my health might prevent me from being able to. Don't they look at that when adopting?
Posted 6/10/2009 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
Jen77: That is something I was thinking about also when considering my options about kids. With both my husband and I having CD, I don't know how that would look to a social worker. He is also in the Army right now, and with all the moving around, I am not sure it is even an option for us.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply