Are you happy?

I don’t think it’s a question of whether you laugh more than you cry – rather, what is your ongoing, consistent feeling of wellness more likely to be – happy, or sad?   I am betting that some people here will consider themselves happier than others despite having more severe symptoms than that other person. So I don’t consider one’s happiness to be completely dependent on their symptoms – although symptoms are always going to affect your quality of life.   I am sort of the belief that in general, at least to a certain extent, people are as happy as they choose to be. I guess if you believe this, you can find your own happiness. I have to acknowledge that outside influences are always going to be there to make my life hard – and in my case, I believe having Crohn’s is an influencing factor which makes my life ‘harder’ than anyone else I happen to know my age – but this is just my experience. I don’t have any friends from a war-torn country or know anyone else with a chronic, debilitating illness.   I guess what I’m trying to say is that I try to not reflect on my current situation and circumstances when looking for happiness. I try not to let the words of others affect my happiness. I try to do these things, but it doesn’t always happen – especially when my health is as bad as it is right now, trying to maintain a relationship, full time job and friendships when I can’t really move much and am in constant pain. But at least I am striving to do these things.   My question is – do you consider yourself happy? Has this disease made you a ‘less happy’ person than you were before? I cannot tell if this disease has made me happier or sadder, but I know it has made me more mindful, that’s for sure. More resilient, and stronger, even though it has made me weaker (physically).

Like britt, this disease has me looking at life a bit differently. In general, I'm a fairly happy (and upbeat) person. When Crohns strikes its ugly head (like today) it wipes me out, reminding me that I have this chronic condition. I don't feel sad for myself. I just wish I didn't have Crohns. Thinking things could be worse than they are helps. My friends and family are amazed what I've been through, and I tell them what's the alternative? You cope the best you can, move forward. I think we are all stronger than we realize. Yet, if we have a down day or two, just go with it—it will pass. There is a lot more good than bad in the world. So, phoebeskye86, don't be so hard on yourself.

I suppose how I feel is just another echo of what the others have already said. I do get extremely depressed sometimes, really want to give up, and have days that those feelings physically manifest themselves, BUT in the end I feel like I am better able to appreciate life and all it has to offer.
Of course I have been sick for only one year so I can't say for certain what happiness in the face of Crohn's is, but I would like to think that I'll feel stronger and more appreciative as the years go by. I can hope and strive for it anyway.

In general with my life I am happy, I'd obviously be happier I'm sure if I didn't have this disease (or at least I like to think I would be cuz it seems obvious to me that I would be, but I could be wrong...I'm sure that sounds confusing!!!)...I've gone through some pretty rough patches in my life, as I'm sure many people if not most have, and it seems that having this disease during those rough patches may have made those patches rougher but at this point in my life I have to say overall I am in a happy place (crohn's aside) but I also certainly deserve to finally feel this way too so maybe it's karma.

:)

This is a very good post! I feel just like everyone else on here....couldn't have said it better. I look at it like this....most of the time. I feel like God allows things like this to happen to some people to check our commitment to our faith and to set a positive example for others. I've been told many times through my years with Crohn's that "I can't believe how positive you are with this disease". But like MerryMac said, whats your alternative? You either surrender to it or you try to keep living and I choose to keep living. There's no way to always be positive when your sick. I've had my share of pity parties but deep down I'm happy and it usually shows through.

Happy?  Sad?  Those aren't words that I would use to describe my general over-all feeling.  I think I'm happy, I don't know.  I do know that I feel frustrated and stressed alot because of my disease.  I absolutely hate having to think about my bowels all day long, every single day.  Sometimes I really resent that.  I often wonder what it's like for the "average" "normal" person who can go through their days without having to think about their bowels.  How would it be?  Ya know what I mean?  I try to stay as upbeat as possible.  Thank you for reminding me that we are the ones in control of our own emotions.  I know there are others that are far more worse off than I am so who am I to be filling the pity pot?

I have a happy list; it does seem that whenever something on my list gets met, something else gets put on the list.
Maybe it is more of a happy content type of thing. I think true happiness would require me to be in a relationship, or many relationships at once.

It only takes a few things to make me happy.

1.) I can get out, I am not stuck in the house, by my friggn self for days on end, hoping things will just "get better".
2.) I am not depressed, I get depressed if I can't get out, or if I stare at my walls too long, ooh maybe I needa paint...
3.) I can exercise
4.) My car is running, it is the source of my happiness, if it is broken, I can't go anywheres without asking someone for a ride, or asking to use their car, either question requires listening to alot of b.s., and I am sure you guys can relate.

That is it.

Laterz, and good post. :)

Phoebes, I think reality is starting to sink in, and you're starting to see how this disease is affecting your life, and may affect it in the long term.

When you next see your wonder-team, I think it would be a really good idea if you mentioned to them that your mood is dropping - and yes, Phoebe, I think it is - as this can be an indication that your pain and symptoms are not being adequately managed. I also think it might be good if you could be plugged into some sort of counselling or chronic illness support team to start talking about the effect this disease is having on your life. I think that this is best done relatively early in someone's disease, before they make so many compromises that they end up being backed up in a corner, unable to get themselves back out.

Keep plugging on,

Ivy.

ps. Also, what I think I am hearing from you is that you feel that you are too young to be this sick; that you are being robbed of a "normal" youth? Is that right, Phoebe?

I'm happier now. I was sick for years and didn't know it. Getting treatment gave me back energy.

Also, I have a lot of other wonderful things in my life to enjoy that this DD does not touch.

I do feel as if my youth is being stolen away; I can’t remember the last time I went out and had fun with my friends, I simply never do. I can’t travel like everyone else, I can’t go out to nice pubs, clubs and restaurants, I can’t go camping, I can’t go away for weekends to Melbourne or Sydney, let alone travel the world like I’ve always dreamed of. I feel like I sit about watching everyone else’s lives ‘happen’ and mine just does not. I can’t remember the last time I did something fun.

Happiness to me right now is taking a pain killer and floating, because it helps me forget about the fact that I have a tube poking out my butt that is draining, leaking and not healing, after over 6 months of constant pain. I don’t think I can even escape to see my parents bnecauze my health changes so quickly, and sitting for that long would be so painful.

I have spend three years being stuffed around and received little or no medical help while trying to finish my degree and work. I am grateful that now I have access to a good team, but it’s still going to be months before I am on remicade, which is really my only hope right now. so I face months of tubey existence, no fun, no going out, trying to sit still as much as possible. Even a trip to the grocery store is a challenge. I’m 23. What the hell. After months and months existing like this I really am over it.

Phoebe, I am concerned for you. You really do sound as if you are in a bad way, and as if you need a professional to talk to. This is *not* a criticism, and it is not a reflection on your coping skills: I just recognise the road you're on, and know that it leads to a bad place, so I'd like to get you on a detour ASAP if I possibly can.

In terms of you being too young to be "doing" this, I think most of us can relate to that feeling. However, I do think that this is a thought process that needs to be challenged, Phoebe, as you actually came to this disease later than many Crohn's patients. I find it hard to talk to you, sometimes, because we only know each other on the forum and can't always tell what will help you in your real life, but it *might* help you to be aware that you are actually following the typical disease process for Crohn's, and that you are not unusually (or "too") young to be going through such pain. As I said, please forgive me if this doesn't help you... I'm just mentioning it in case it might.

YES! it is absolutely unfair to have your youth stolen from you, especially as (in your case) a lot of your suffering might have been avoided had you been on stronger medication. You are right, and perfectly justified, in grieving. Again, I think it is important to be aware that you *are* grieving, Phoebe, and that this is something you're going to have to deal with, repeatedly, throughout your life. You'll find that you grieve as you reach important life stages and keep having to compare your life to others', Phoebe, and it's always going to be hard. Please accept what you're experiencing as normal; please don't feel that you're "bad" or "unusual" in feeling the way you do; it is something we all experience, and we all empathise with you.

I really do think that it is very important that you find yourself a counsellor or psychologist, and quickly. I don't like to think of you using your pain meds to escape reality and "float", and I don't like to hear you saying that you really are "over it" when you're still in the early stages of adjusting to your illness. Again, I stress that this is not a reflection on you, but it *is* a reflection on your medical care to date, and an indication that you need some more support, pain management and TLC than you have been getting so far.

You may well find that there is an IBD counsellor attached to your medical wonder-team, and I strongly suggest talking to your doctor quickly to ask if you can see that counsellor asap. If you have to wait a while until your next appointment, then *please* go to see your g.p. this week or next week and seek help urgently. I can't stress how important this is, Phoebe; you sound to me as if you're starting to crumble under the stress of dealing with this pain and isolation, and I do think that this is something that the doctors will be able to help you with, *if only they know what is going on*. There are stronger pain meds; there are social support services for sick people; I think it's time you were plugged into both.

Phoebe, honey, please do hang in there. I've said to you a few times, over the years, what a privilege it is to be able to walk this journey with you, and how glad we are that you feel comfortable sharing with us. Know that you *are* still progressing on this journey; you're not stalled, you're not stuck; what you are feeling is absolutely normal, and this too will pass. Please do use this as an opportunity to seek more help and support for yourself, so that you will be better able to walk the journey now and in the future.

We care.

Ivy.

Am I happy...yes in general. BUt I have had those bouts of "this isn't fair", life sucks, why me. Phoebe....I really agree with Ivy. It is time for you to talk with someone. I unfortunately have had a brother take his own life. The positive of that is I am more aware of when I am past "just a bad day" and into a depressive state. Most days when this happens, I can have a long discussion with myself and occaionally my husband that vents the feelings and allows me to focus on the positive. HOWEVER, I have had occassion when I just could not get myself out. THEN I asked for help. Ask for help Phoebe.
Sharing really helps. If you are not into the professional route, get in a support group and talk. I just want you to be able to see that yes this can stink, but youth can be taken back....I cried my eyes out for days when diagnosed in my early 20s.....I am now in my mid 402 and think my 30s were the best years