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Tired of always being strong *long vent*

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 7/23/2009 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
Gail, I have no words to add to what has already been said, but for one thing, take it easy for awhile my
friend, you truly deserve it. Lets face it where would I be without you... God Bless
Posted 7/23/2009 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
Nanners,
I want to say thank you. Actually, I've wanted to say that before now. You are the one who stands out to me on here. You are the one who always takes the time to respond. You are the only name I know on here. You already have a special place in my heart because for some reason you have given me comfort through your advice and responses. I have been in denial about my CD. Just 2 weeks out of the hospital now I'm finally making myself believe it and learn all I can. I have been very scared of the disease and the meds. And I can honestly say that this place has helped me deal with it and go forward. And you are a big part of that. I am sorry you are having to suffer and work all the while through it. I just returned to work today. But please know, that through your suffering God is using you in my life in a bigger way than you can know. Not just this place but you personally. It's your responses, hugs and maybe even your name nanners. So here's a hug to you from me, someone who is just at the beginning of this journey and dreads the day when I feel I can no longer deal with it......that's what I believe I fear the most. God bless you Nanners. And venting is always good!!!!
Posted 7/23/2009 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Gail,
I just wanted to add my heartfelt well wishes like everyone else. I dont think I have posted on here without you commenting with support and sound advice and I have very much appreciated this. This disease is incidious and I find the extra-intestinal symptoms harder to cope with than the CD itself. Hang in there Gail and though you have wonderful support at home know that you also have that here at HW.
Jo
Posted 7/23/2009 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts Nanners.
Posted 7/23/2009 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Gail
I'm so sorry you are going through all this and have to srtoll off to work each day feeling so darn ill it is really not fair or good. I think I would pass out and I don't even know how you get through your day. I think the fight for disability would be so worth it. You need knee surgeries my heart goes out to you. You was speaking remission when youre supose to feel better and you don't I understand you clearly on this I thought I was doing pretty well until I had another endoscope-not good. I'm learning that no matter how you think you feel you are not seeing what the under lying disease is doing to you its sad there is no cure. My thoughts and prayers come your way that you will find relief and abit of help through disability. I'm hoping you have this plan at work also through the disabilty act on the days that you will need them.
Big Hugzzz,Kathy
Posted 7/23/2009 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
((((Gail)))) Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Posted 7/23/2009 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
I came on this morning like I always do and started reading messages. And as I read the message of support from all of you, I am so grateful that I am alone here in the office, because the tears flow freely down my cheeks.

All I can say, from the very bottom of my heart, is a simple "Thank You"! I love this forum and the people that are a part of it. When someone is down and feeling low, you are all there lifting them up with your love and support.

So thank you for giving me the chance to vent and get these frustrations out. My heart is so full of love for you all it just might burst:)

GIANT HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!
Gail*Nanners*

P.S. Just a fyi for those who may not know, Nanners is what my grandbabies call me:)
Posted 7/23/2009 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you gail.  You are truly an amazing woman.  God Bless :-)
Posted 7/23/2009 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nanners)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry I just saw this. It is so tiring dealing with this disease and all the stuff that goes along with it, especially for as many years as you have done. We understand that you want to work for your own self efficacy, but yet it is so draining to do it. I wish I had a magic wand to make it better.

P.S. if you hear wings flapping today it is just your Mom and my Mom checking in...
Posted 7/23/2009 2:30 PM (GMT 0)
Gail, I know you see me once in a while, but I read you often. You are wise and have a way to educate without upsetting people (unlike me - why I don't post more). I think the comment that gets me the most is "I don't know how you do it". Well let's see you have two choices in this world - do it or don't. With us it would mean not trying to be better to put on a better face to the world or whatever your personal struggle is. And for the people who visit here I cannot see that as a true option. Thanks for sharing your vent I think we all need to hear that we are not the only ones going through what we are going through.

Hugs and blessings to you always.
Posted 7/23/2009 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Gail,

As a survivor of a mere 25 years since diagnosis, I marvel at your perseverance and dedication.  You don't give in to this DD; you use it to empathize with and inspire others.

Having been gone from this forum for so long, I didn't quite know how to re-introduce myself; so I thought I would just read for a while and ease in gradually.  I will post later about what has been going on with me, not sure how to condense it, but I am okay and still praying for you and all our Crohnies.  Reading your posts and the responses opened a door for me; so thank you.

I have the luxury of being seventy years old and retired; so not so much is expected of me any more and I can make it my mission to pray for all those who work so hard just to get through the day.  I wouldn't have to get out of bed at all if I didn't want to, and sometimes it takes me an hour or more just to do that, but without all the pressures of work and family I can "go with the flow."  Yes, pun intended.  I don't mean to say that I don't still feel frustrated and even useless at times, but I can deal at my own pace.  I do remember when I was trying so hard to keep my job, mainly just for the health insurance, and it was dreadful.  Please do be good to yourself and let others lift you up as you have been lifting all. 

I will catch up on this board and post more when I can, but please remember that for everyone who says thank you or supports you openly, there are the "other nine," the silent ones, who mean to say it but don't.  Thanks, love and hugs, blessings to you.

Love, Lois

Posted 7/23/2009 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Lois, we've missed you!
Posted 7/23/2009 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Jon, Lois you have been missed. And thank you so much for all your kind words.

*Navy* Times like this makes me miss her even more. Just one hug from Mom could make it all worthwhile. Thanks for the memory of our Mommies:)
Posted 7/23/2009 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
Gail -- I can't add much more other than to send you big hugs and good thoughts. Take care and vent away-- you know that's what we are here for.

L.
Posted 7/23/2009 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Gail, as you can see, you are not alone. It seems as if you are getting a chorus of hugs from your many well wishers. I want to add mine since we have an extra bond. I know exactly how you feel physically and emotionally every single day and it really gets "old" fast. I have not had a day in 30 years when I haven't had "D" day and night. I am tired of this and I just wish there was a cure. Anyway, I really hope you feel better and that there are some genuine smiles on your face real soon.

Love, Darilyn
Posted 7/23/2009 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
I'm with you all the way. Prayers and hugs. I just wish that there was some magic to make it all go away....
Posted 7/24/2009 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
nanners, i think you are an amazing woman and have always appreciated all the help and support you have given me since i joined this community. i can not imagine dealing with all that you have going on on top of the crohn's. it might just be time for you to pursue disability rather than struggle trough every day life. it's no way to live when every day is such a battle.

good luck on whatever you decide. *hugs* take care!
Posted 7/24/2009 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Nanners, if you don't mind my asking, was there anything in particular that prompted this thread? If you're anything like me, you carry a post around in your head for days, wondering if you should post it or not, and then you reach your last straw and you realise you *have* to vent, or explode.

I'm just wondering if something, specific, happened to make you feel as if you'd reached the end of your rope this week.

More hugs to you.

Ivy.
Posted 7/24/2009 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
Nanners! You are such a kind and caring person, and I bet your grandkids love you to tears! And what a thread you've started! So very inspiring. The strength you all have to endure through all of this is so amazing. Take care everyone.
Posted 7/24/2009 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
cool  Hi old friend.  Haven't been around in awhile.  Sorry you are having a hard time of it. Since I'm here staring at the computer screen (Fibro sleep depravation, again), I thought I'd add my two cents in.  Assuming I could remember what "feeling good" was, especially upon waking in the morning...I think my response would be..."Praise God...I died and am out of that wretched body"!  Not that I'm suicidal...just get tired of the same ole' mess too!  ((((Hugs))) for you!
Posted 7/24/2009 11:26 AM (GMT 0)
It's really hard to keep fighting day in and day out as we don't know how we are going to feel the next day. This is a very cruel disease and the goverment, doctors, and normal people do not understand what we are going through. i wish that they would go through what we go through for just one week. Than they will understand that this disease really sucks.
All we are asking for is to feel good again.
Nanners you are a special person and you have given wonderful advise to me and others here, I hope you understand that you mean alot to us here.
Keep fighting!!!!!
Posted 7/24/2009 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your kind words. They touch my heart more than you can imagine.

Ivy, no nothing special has been going on. It justs with all the side and regular issues of Crohns that I am dealing with just gets to be a bit overwhelming sometimes and you just want to scream "Ok enough!!!". I also probably hold in more than I should, and it probably wouldn't hurt to talk about here more often among you all who GET it.

I also get sad for the fact that no matter how ill we all are, it seems as if no one really understands. Its always that "well you don't look sick". I agree 100% with what Wolfie said, just let them feel how I/we feel for just one week and then see what they say then.

I recently was talking to someone I have been friends with for about 15 years, and I told her my disease is considered mild. (Fyi, the past 10 years have been my worst with Crohns and she has seen alot of it) She turned and looked at me with utter shock on her face and said to me, "My God, if you are mild, what must the poor folks who are severe live with?" I told her its unimaginable. So whether mild or severe, this dd can take a toll on all of us.

Anyways, thank you all again for your love and support.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Posted 7/24/2009 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
I think if you didn't feel this way, there might be something really wrong with you.
Posted 7/24/2009 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
(((Nanners)))
Posted 7/28/2009 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
CrohnieToo, I agree, I do need to quit enabling them but most days, I just don't have the energy to fight it and it's easier to just do it myself. I tend to avoid confrontation and therefore, suffer the consequences.

Thank you for your thoughts!
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