lonely

I hate to come here and be depressing but I've just been really bummed lately. On one hand I've never been happier because I started my internship this year and I love it. I'm a social work major and I'm getting to really make an impact on people's lives. It's so weird to me that I tell people I've never been happier (and mean it) but at the same time I've been so depressed. It has been a challenging year for me dealing with the CD and other stuff.

I've never really been alone before, I've always had a boyfriend until recently. For the last year I kind of leeched on to my boyfriend of 4 years even though it was an unhealthy relationship and was basically over. He would sometimes refer to me as a barnacle and I guess he wasn't far from the truth. I really relied solely on him for support and understanding, he was my person. I even moved across the country to be with him and now he's moved out of state and I'm still here. I keep telling myself that this is a good thing and I need to learn to be alone but I'm really lonely. I just want someone I can talk to or lay with at the end of the day. I was afraid to get close to anyone because of the CD anyway but now I have a fistula that won't heal and that makes me even more shy and embarrassed.

We've tried Remicade (though probably not long enough) and now Cimzia and nothing has worked to heal the fistula. It is kind of hard to deal with knowing that there aren't a lot of options to fix it. I kept telling myself that I would put myself back out there and be open to new relationships once the fistula healed but now...who knows if that will even happen. I have major trust issues and then when you add all of the embarrassing things that go along with Crohn's and fistulas I just feel like giving up. I don't want to be alone forever but I don't know what to do.

I completely understand the loneliness thing, at uni I fell a year behind and because I was poorly i didn't go out and meet mor epeople so now everyone I got to know when I was healthy and a year ahead have moved on and I know very few people now. My relationship of nearly 3 years ended a couple of months ago and its been really hard. I'm fortunate my disease is remissive but mornings are an issue so that means no sleepovers Crohn's isn't really the sexiest disease!

Like you I keep assuring myself that its good for my independence and just realised that none of what I've said is particularly helpful, just wanted you to know I completely understand, you will eventually find someone new who will understand, in the meantime focus on keeping busy and through that you'll end up meeting new people and who knows where that could eventually lead?

Thanks guys :)

My heart goes out to you. Guess it's a time you can learn to like being with yourself. Develop the great person you are and the day will come.

Speaking as a fairly attractive woman (although fat, which is a MAJOR problem on the dating scene) I have been alone for a couple years now, and yeah it sucks.  But sometimes I would rather be alone then with a man who is not compassionate and caring, and fact that is a pretty major requirement.

I know how you feel. I am lonely as well. I was never the most outgoing person and had never had a boyfriend. Then when I was 19 I was diagnosed with CD. Two years later I still have never had a boyfriend and my one time I almost did I ruined it with my trust issues and my embarrassment. Now I also have also had a colonoscopy so I have even more issues than I did before. I am afraid to befriend people because I don't want to tell them and I have lost touch with friends from high school because of this.

The one person I do talk to is my mom. I tell her everything that I am feeling and even though she has no idea what I am going through she is a good listener. She doesn't always want to say what I want to hear when I am in the dumps but I do know what she says is the right thing. I have also begun to see a councilor they are also good to talk to. But they don't make up for the fact that I don't have any friends and I don't have a boyfriend.

Anyways I just wanted to say that I know what you mean when you say you are lonely. I can only hope that one day hopefully soon I will not be so lonely anymore. I keep wishing on my star in hopes that one day it will become true.

Thanks guys, I have been busy this week and haven't had a chance to pop back on. I've really thought about support groups in the last few months because I just get so frustrated and down about this DD and don't often have people to talk to about it. My boyfriend was the only person other than my mom that I was able to share all of my secret crohnie stuff with. Even right now I am having to figure out how I will get back and forth from the hospital for my upcoming colonoscopy since I don't trust some of my newer friends with that kind of stuff. I have tried to look online before but wasn't able to find any support groups in Greensboro, NC. I will check with the CCFA and see if I can find one.

Haha I actually have pets and they do help a lot but sometimes you just need to feel close to another human being you know? Plus they are cats so they don't like it when I force them to lay with me lol.

I've been dealing with it a little better this week. I don't feel like I want to jump into a relationship with anyone and I'm glad for the break for awhile. I just need to find a cuddle buddy :)

I hate that so many of us end up feeling alone. I didn't expect so many people to respond or relate. I hope everyone is hanging in there.
love love
Cris

Hang in there miss cris. I just got diagnosed with this. Our disease is not one easily understandable by others. It's torturous to begin with.. then, "everybody" knows somebody with Crohn's and they're just fine. We're all waaay misunderstood. Our sickness does create stress for those relationships in out life. Unfortunately, not everybody is as supportive as we need them to be. Including my wife. She kinda walked from me right in the middle of all this. It hurts man. Luckily, I have a 7 year old daughter who stands by her dad. My sole purpose in life right now is to raise her. Without her to love, I'd be lost. So I feel your pain. I'm a 6'4 230lb (Was 255 a month ago) guy. I drive a big truck that makes lots of noise. I love guns and blowing stuff up. Some refer to me as "A guy not to mess with". That facade aside.. and my pride aside.. I actually though about seeking out a support group. You need it. You're unique. Who knows, maybe your prince charming may be waiting there for you. Also, don't discount the idea of God. He's real. He gave me my daughter through a miraculous adoption. There's a lot of good men at the right church!

On a lighter note. Get rid of the cats. Get a dog

Hi John,

I am sorry for the delay. I had a fundraiser on Saturday and I had to create the slide show in 3 days because someone didn't do there job and it fell on me! Yikes. Had a really good support group on Saturday. The topic revolved around roadblocks due to Crohn's or ulcerative colitis. Below is the link for the support group schedule. Give Erica a call or email her contact information is on the below webpage she also has Crohn's and is very open. She can tell you of groups in the suburbs if those are closer and an upcoming patient education event with Dr. Hanauer on January 20th and there is also a CCFA patient education event sometime in March I think it's the 12th that's really good.

http://www.ibdcenter.uchicago.edu/patients/support.html

I understand your pain. Since being diagnosed 2 years ago I've had issues opening up to people. I've always been in a relationship since sophomore year of high school and never had any issues opening up to people because I never felt I had anything to be embarrassed about. Over the past couple years I've had issues opening up to people because my girlfriend at the time turned her back on me when I was diagnosed and at my worst. Since then I've had my opportunities but still find it hard to get close enough to someone to see if they'll accept me for who i am. I find it even harder being a senior in college now and trying to fit in with friends they way I used to. I'm beginning to learn that I can't socialize the way that everyone else does and it's hard to accept and hard to do without anyone really questioning me. It's just a lot of extra stress to pile on to graduating in the spring and searching for a job. That's why I've come back to this forum after a long time without posting. I'm starting to feel the original stress, depression, and lonely feelings that I had 2 years ago.