ok need to vent a bit...is this a guy thing?

So my little brother asks me if it is ok if he and his fiancee go to return a coat (more then a half hour away one way from the hospital) during my endoscopy and colonscopy, and of course I am like are you kidding me?  The whole reason I ask you (as my next of kin) is to be there in case the oh shoot situation happens.  I have a really not ok feeling about this scope, because the ct scan was not completed due to the fact I could only keep 1 1/2 bottles of the contrast down, after trying 6-7 bottles. 

I know I am the amazing amazon woman normally, and he knows that I have been thru much worse on my own when I was in the military, but the military doctors usually take better care of you then the VA doctors do, because the military knows they are your support system.  The VA assumes that you have a family to do that.

No I am not thinking so much this is a guy thing, more a insensitive fiancee of his, who wants to take care of "other things" than her guy's sick sister. Maybe you need to speak up to your brother and let him know that you are really concerned with the results of these tests and that you would like someone (him) to be there to hear what the doctor says as you will be out of it due to the drugs. Docs usually come in so briefly to update the family, that its important he be there at that time, so you can catch the doc and hear what they say. Good luck and BIG HUGS to you!

Unfortunately his 22 year old university student finacee does not drive much and does not own a car (her father was very against women driving/ going to college/ etc. so he did not help her out). She just got her learners permit last July, and I get how this has handicapped her. But she is also usually much more sensitive to helping me out, and I am just PO'ed that either one of them would be so stupid.
They know I would never leave them when they are in the OR/recovery, and I would probably be checking on them alot after they got out of the hospital. They want to travel two hours away the next day.
I forgot to mention I am paying for his plane ticket here, and the rental car for the four days he is here.

Granted he is taking one day off of work for me, and flying here so I do give him credit for that.

Thanks Ivy,
I am particularly concerned because what they could see on the ct scan was an area of abnormality in the jujenum that was not there before, and it looks like this was what was making me void the Volumen (this is a brand name of some weird barium) contrast. I was trying to keep 3 bottles down and could only do half of that.
I was really upset with him, because I ask him specifically to be there in case the oh shoot situation happens, and he is my next of kin.
The problem is even with good scopes, I have never not needed to be back in the hospital within a week after a scope. It just makes me bleed alot. He knows this.

(((Navy)))

If you've told him that you need to be on hand in case the unthinkable happens and he is leaving the hospital anyway, then I think you have every right to be upset with him... and upset generally. I wish you had more, and better support there.

It does sound as if this is a very real concern for you: what exactly is it that you'd want from your brother if things went wrong? Would you want him there for support and company, or are you relying on him to make essential medical decisions for you?

If you need him for the latter, then perhaps it would be a good idea to think and write down now, today, what you want to happen should things go horrendously wrong, and make sure you leave a copy with the hospital's social worker. That way you can have better assurance that your wishes may be respected should you be unable to communicate yourself.

I really am sad that you are in this situation, and send you lots of sympathetic and supportive thoughts myself.

Ivy.

I want him to be there in case the unthinkable happens and I have told him that.  I think it is a good idea to just go ahead and sign the consent form. 

Yeah, but he is bad about answering it. (forgets to turn it on, etc.)

Navy,

Sometimes I think that until others have been there and done that they just don't get it. Plus they are young, and I think that to plays a role. I would just lay it all out for them so they have a better understanding of what your thoughts and needs are and what is required of them.

I hope your test goes well, please keep us posted.

Julia

This is being done in the OR, because I have a tendency to hemorage and there is such an abnormality.

ask him if its ok if while hes on the way to the airport after ,if it would be ok for you to cancel his ticket? ;0)... i know at my VA here all they care about is a ride home. they will not even check you in if a driver is not there. after that they can go do whatever till your done.. i understand your nerves on this. maybe call and see the schedule set up. between check in and procedure . if as i suspect, it may be an hour or more between. so maybe he could be back before theactual start? not saying hes right, just mediating..

Navy, would it be ok with you if we talked a little more about your concerns?

What are the complications you are worrying about? Are you afraid you may die during this procedure, or that you may need emergency surgery? I'm not quite clear.

Either way, it sounds to me as if you really are very concerned, and need a lot of tlc from us (and others in your real life) here and now, not just on the day of the scope.

I.

I don't think it's a guy thing either it's just an immature guy thing!Hoping all goes well Navy

I haven't read the whole thread but here is my thought:

Many folks sometimes shut down the seriousness of a situation in order to maintain control of their feelings.  I was at the hospital with a close friend when they came in and told him he was going to die and I just continued to talk to him like normal because I did not know what to do and did not want to explode into emotion.

Tell them directly what you need and then if they don't make the proper choices you will have seen their true colors.  I think they will step up.  Most folks do these tests like nothing.  It is different for us when we are flaring.  Tell them directly.

Good luck with the scope.  I hope this one will go better than the others.