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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 3/21/2010 3:40 AM (GMT 0)
I am officially getting a divorce.. I asked my husband for one tonight...

I am scared to death!!! I don't know if I can make it on my own right now.. BUT....

I simply cannot live with a drug addict any longer and am sick of being his excuse for using drugs... He had the nerve to say to me today that I'M the one with mental problems.. (his way of beating me down)... Don't worry, I don't believe that.... Although I know that I have my issues and that it takes two people to screw up a marriage, but a lot of the time, one person bears the brunt of responsibility and I honestly feel that it's on his shoulders this time...

Oh, I thought I was catching a cold yesterday and my sore throat is better today.. I took my horse and dog and went on a 3 hour horseback ride all by myself, at a nice leisurely pace... it was awesome.. I had plenty of time to think about things... I'm going to the county on Monday and I'm going to see what kind of government assistance I can get until I get my feet back on the ground... How and if I can do that is yet to be determined.. I cannot work right now and a job that would pay well enough is pretty impossible to find around here right now.. I live in the boonies.. My neighbor got laid off and she has sent out like 60 resume's and hasn't gotten ONE call back... GEEZ...

I'm just sick of the up and down, I've been through that enough and it sure has taken it's toll on my health...

Food for thought... I moved up to Montana a couple of years ago, thinking I wasn't going to come back.. I was only there for 3 months or so, but all my symptoms went away and I was in a drug free complete remission for almost a year after that... Once I moved back home, a few months later, BOOM... Flare city and been battling it ever since... hmmmm.. maybe my body's been trying to tell me something and I need to start listening..
Posted 3/21/2010 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
You know, Susie , stress is one of the things that destroy our health faster than any other. I know a hew life will be tough for you for a while but sounds like its pretty tough where you are right now. Change may do you good. I know a good ride on my harley makes me feel better just as the horse ride does for you so you need to use those things to get you through the tough times . You can always vent here too. Lots of people here that really care. Keep us up to date. Big Hug (((((((((((((()))))))))))))))
Posted 3/21/2010 4:57 AM (GMT 0)
*huge hug*
Posted 3/21/2010 6:20 AM (GMT 0)
Sooner or later people with his problem drive everyone away that interfer with their drug use. Sorry you'll have to pay for his problem or maybe like you said this could be a blessing. Best of luck and many prayers to you.
Posted 3/21/2010 6:45 AM (GMT 0)
Susiebuddy, I don't usually post here but just wanted to offer you some encouragement and support....I can relate to your post more than you'll ever know. I know you're scared about how to make it alone, but you will be OK! I was in the same boat at one time but just kept putting one foot in front of the other and somehow everything worked out.

Sending prayers and ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) in your direction.....
JoAnn
Posted 3/21/2010 6:53 AM (GMT 0)
good luck..
Posted 3/21/2010 9:02 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry for all your stress, but it sounds like you are making a good decision, and hopefully happier times are ahead. Big hugs to you!
Posted 3/21/2010 12:13 PM (GMT 0)
Definitely a stressful, scary time. You'll make it through, and at the end, you'll be stronger for it. Do take care of yourself, and perhaps seeing a therapist for yourself, to try and keep some of the anxiety down will be good for the crohn's. I don't know if you get anxious like me, but when I get really anxious, it is very hard for me to focus away from the anxiety, and it makes me miserable. With the help of some cognitive behavior therapy, and occasionally a xanax, I'm doing fine. Maybe it'll help you too.

Hang in there!
PV
Posted 3/21/2010 12:30 PM (GMT 0)
u did the right thing ur health is more important thne being in a relationship that makes u worse. ive been there and i know how it feels. concentrate on ur self and getting better. smile sweety :)
Posted 3/21/2010 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
((HUGS))
I wish you all the best.
Posted 3/21/2010 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
Substance abuse is a deal breaker. Absolutely. But please make sure you protect yourself. Not only physically, but financially as well. (I have seen cases where things have been cleaned out in a matter of less then 24 hours and first instances of domestic violence occur.) There are plans that you can find online about how to do this safely.
Posted 3/21/2010 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
You need to do what's best for you. Marriage is a team effort and if it can't be worked out or even work as a whole, than yes I believe what you are doing is correct.

You WILL be able to take care of yourself but don't do it alone. Don't Jump in the Fire without proper gear. You need to make sure your family is involved if you can. Plan ahead please.

Play the game till your strategy is perfect.. Just don't want to see you Flare in a time where you need 100% of your strength.
Posted 3/21/2010 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
Susiebuddy I know this is a tough decision, but more than likely a right decision for you. There is help out there, maybe you can apply for disability?? One thing I want you to think about though, stress is a definite trigger for Crohns, but I think you stopping your meds is what started you flaring again, as well as adding in the stress. So do continue to treat your Crohns, that may help you to start feeling better, plus getting rid of him:) Do see a therapist for your own peace of mind, I highly recommend it. I am so glad to see that his hateful words are not getting to you. He is trying to break you down, don't let him get to you. As difficult as this situation is, I think all will turn out for the best in the end. Vent away, we do care, and we will listen. Hugs!
Posted 3/21/2010 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
I went through my divorce just before being diagnosed with Crohn's, and I think it is safe to say that the two were strongly connected. Please make sure that you get a lot of support during this stressful time. I found an excellent counsellor and he said two very useful things to me.
1. Focus on coulds not shoulds. If you find yourself saying, I should do this.... try and change it to a could.
2. I found myself waking up at night in high anxiety thinking about all the possible issues in my situation. He told me to focus on the worse case scenarios and the best case scenarios, and stop. The result will always be somewhere in between and there is no need to lose sleep and stress over all the possibilities. It is hard to do, but keep practicing.

Do not let your husband make you feel guilty. By doing what is right for you, you are doing what is right for him too. He will have to address his own issues, you have your own stuff to deal with and don't need to take on his also. My ex still tries to make me to blame for everything. My kids, family and friends make a joke of it now, and I have become almost perfect at letting his words wash off me!!

Ultimately if you know that you are making the right decision, it will sort itself out. I was divorced in 2005 and in May last year I married a wonderful man that I met on the internet!! You will get through it and find happiness. There are also men out there who can support you during your health challenges.

I wish you the best, and as I said, please get the support you need to help you through this. Your health is number 1 and take all the steps you need to maintain it. (((((((Susiebuddy))))))
Posted 3/21/2010 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Susiebuddy, Sorry to see you are having a tough time, but you will look back on this in the future and see you have done the right thing as the saying goes, as one door shuts another will open wishing you all the luck in the world. Bev x wink
Posted 3/22/2010 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
Life with an addict is... ugh. I feel for you. I know that was a hard decision to make. You CAN make it on your own. Keep your chin up. I will keep you in my prayers.
Posted 3/22/2010 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
Good luck. I think that you'll probably feel a lot better without having him around, by the sounds of it. Living with a drug addict isn't a good situation for anyone, especially someone with their own problems to deal with. I think your body really was trying to tell you something when you felt better being away from him in the past. I know it's tough but you can get through it, and I'm sure that you'll come out stronger than before with no regrets. Congratulations!
Posted 3/23/2010 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Susie, sorry to hear you are having difficult times. Make your plans and take care of yourself first. I wish you the very best of luck with your health and new life. Do you go to Al-anon? It's a great place to work on yourself and get great support from the people there. They have been there before and help you get by one day at a time.
Posted 3/23/2010 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your support, advice and ideas.. I am overwhelmed by all your responses ((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))

I am hanging in there.... After I told him I wanted a divorce, we got into a HUGE fight.. he even sunk to the level of calling me a ****ty wife... It was horrible, I don't like fighting.. eventually I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and got up, told him I don't want to ever hear one more negative thing out of his mouth about me or anyone else again, and went to my room and shut the door... He came in about an hour later... He had been crying his eyes out and wrote me a note, saying how he doesn't want me to leave, he'll quit using, and would even go to counseling with me if that would help, he wanted to take care of me and help me to get well.. HUH????

Well, if that was the first time I heard all that I might have fallen for it.. But I've heard him say he'll do this or that, and it never happens. So, I'm still planning on going through with a divorce.. although right now he's been nicer to me than he's ever been.. lol.. I have a line on a place that's only about 45 minutes from where I live now and I can live there in exchange for taking care of about 10 horses.. Feeding once a day and cleaning stalls once a day for 6 horses... The owner will feed once a day so I don't have to worry about 2 feedings a day, only one. I can bring my horse and 2 dogs with me and I am going to meet this woman on Sunday after Church... So... I've gotten the main problem solved hopefully.. A place to live... My really good friend knows this woman and says she's really nice and is pretty sure that we will hit it off.. So that is a huge relief.. :)

Hopefully things keep going in a positive direction... Thank you again everyone :)

My symptoms are doing ok.. still have some pain, but feeling ok for the most part... Thank GOD...
Posted 3/23/2010 4:43 AM (GMT 0)
Your soon to be ex husband will NOT quit for you, if he's truley an addict he has to want to quit for himself or it will never happen. Stick to your guns!
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