surgery update (yucky details)

I'm finally at the point where I am starting to process what happened to me...I need to talk about it because I haven't quite dealt with it yet.

I had my surgery on the 26th. I went in with the expectation of laproscopic surgery to remove 3 inches of small intestine and a few inches of my colon. Once inside they found...a hot mess. Apparently the steroids had been masking what was really going on. I had developed an abscess that fused my small intestine to my ureter and back muscles (no wonder my back had been killing me). They had to cut my ureter to repair it and inserted a stint (to be removed in a few weeks). They removed the abscess and had to pull some small intestine out of itself. They cut out a foot and a half of bowel. I woke up with a 6 inch vertical incision in the middle of my stomach, a catheter (that stayed for 2 weeks), a JP drain coming out of my abdomen, and several small tubes sticking out of me (some sort of anesthesia going to the incision site). The first 24 hours were the worst pain I've ever known and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I stayed in the hospital for a week and was discharged with home health care and my family to take care of me.

I felt great for a week and after a few days at home I was starting to walk around and even went out to dinner one night. I was enjoying my new food freedoms (eating lots of fruits and veggies) and then my JP drain clogged and turned gray/black. I went to the doctor on Friday to have her look at it...and was admitted. A CT showed that I had 2 new abscesses. One was pretty small, the other about 2-3 inches. I was on IV antibiotics for about a week and was feeling ok but not great. They took me over to another hospital to have a PICC line inserted so I could have IV antibiotics at home. (Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I had 5 IVs in the week I was there as well as a Heparin shot every 8 hours) The following Friday they did another CT and found that one of the abscesses was actually growing and was now about 4 inches. They came to my room and told me they were going to try to insert a drain using ultrasound first and then CT if that failed. If neither of those worked, I would have to have surgery again. I asked when they were going to do all of this and was told they would come for me in about 10 minutes...

They weren't able to find a window using ultrasound. They found a 5mm window with the CT and inserted a 3mm drain into my abdomen...while I was awake. They discharged me the next day and here I am. So I currently have 1 PICC line and 2 drains while I sit here typing. Hopefully the PICC line and one of the drains will be gone this week but they are pretty sure the JP will stay. I busted my butt to finish summer school a week early so I would have more time to recover and have needed every minute of it. School starts again next week and I don't know that I'm ready. Not to mention the fact that I'm completely fried. I graduated in May and a few days later started an intensive advanced standing graduate program... and have spent the last 3 weeks going through hell.

I did well with my incision scar until yesterday and now I can't think about it without crying. All I can think is that they ruined my stomach. I was planning on going on a cruise with my boyfriend in the spring to celebrate my graduation from grad school and now I'll never be able to wear a bikini again. I'm horrified at the thought of him even looking at my stomach. I know that should be the least of my concerns but in a few weeks, all that will be left of this is my ruined stomach.

Thanks for letting me vent a little. I think it's all finally hitting me. I haven't been able to be alone in 3 weeks and I have been trying to be strong for all of my family. I haven't had a chance to really just feel upset about it and cry.

Wow, what an ordeal but you have come through it with flying colors. I think if you didn't cry some, you wouldn't be human. The scars will fade in time and they have good stuff to help these days. You'll wear a bikini again and please enjoy it. I bet you'll look fabulous!!! Take care of yourself. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Oh my!

I have a close friend who went through similar things a couple years ago. I remember her detailing the PICC and drains being placed, and I felt for her because it sounded so horrible. So sorry you had to go through so much!

You just have to look forward now though. The worst is over (hopefully...crossing my fingers) and now that the doctors know what is actually going on, they should be able to get you healthy. I know how much it stinks when you're going through all of that, and how overwhelming it can be, but you have to try your best to deal with what you have to, and leave the rest behind. I say this knowing I don't follow my own advice and I get freaked out and stressed also.

As for the scar...
Your belly won't ever look the same, but had you not had surgery, it sounds like things were progressing to life threatening. It's better to have a larger incision and the surgeon being able to do surgery correctly than have little incisions from lapro, and things have just been "bandaged" instead of fixed.
I think all of us who have had surgery go through the initial period where we freak out about having such a huge scar (especially if you're young) but in time you'll adjust and it won't be something you're ashamed or worried if other people see. I had my first surgery at 19 and was SO overwhelmed and horrified about the scar, but 13 years have past now and I really could care less. It really does get better with time.

Keep updating us and letting us know how things are progressing. (((((BIG gentle HUGS))))) to you!

I know how you feel, I have an ugly crooked long scar that even goes around my belly button. I still wear a bikini, except I have a wrap around over the bottoms to cover my scar on my belly. I think the wraps look cute and sexy, so I suggest you try one with a bikini before you decide against it altogether. You can always find a bathing suit that has open sides but covers the tummy. Those are very nice too.

Take care, don't fret.

First off (((BIG HUGS))) to you! I understand very much how you feel, as my first resection which was an emergency had many complications too. I remember waking up after thinking it would be done via lap too, and I was afraid to breathe it hurt so bad. I got an infection in my incisions (both resections) and had to go thru 6-8 weeks of wet/dry packings. I had the picc line, and NG tube down my nose. I didn't have quite as many complications as you, but it was still pretty bad.

As for the scar, I am much older than you and really don't care anymore. But I think Roni has a great idea about the wrap. Sending healing prayers your way that this all leads to a long long remission for you. Don't forget to get back on a maintenance med so you don't have to do a repeat. That happened to me, and I don't want it to happen to you too. As for school, sweetheart, its gonna have to wait. You need to take this time to recover, so rest up and get better first.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*

MissCris,
In this country we over emphasize outward beauty! My sister that lives overseas always tells me to take my scares as a story about my life and who I am. A story that will make you a more deeper, more compassionate person towards everybody that u get to know!!!! You are much more than your outward appreance!!! Yes, you've been through a terrible ordeal. I am sorry for your experience. Trust me....I know this disease can really suck!
My body looks like a road map from my scars. It took me a long time to look at my self in a mirror. Many times it has brought tears...then I realize I don't want people to just know me from my outward appreance. I am not just a book, I'm a novel. And to be able to love I gotta love MYSELF first.
If somebody has an issue with your appearance they ain't worth it anyways:)
Put on your Bikini and wear it with Pride for what you've have been through!!!!!!!!!!
You deserve it!!!

Heather-Just wanted to say your post was wonderful. I'm pretty emotional right now from PMS and it almost made me cry. I think all of us do need to remind ourselves that we are "novels" and that the world focuses SO much on the outside, and really it's the inside of us that matters. Thank you for your post. Even having had my first surgery 13 years ago, I do worry about the next guy I date and how he'll react. It is a part of me, but we all do have insecurities and need reassurance from time to time.

Sounds like you have had a tough time of it, hope things improve soon.
re the scar, when all is healed, Bio Oil is extremely good for fading/improving the appearance of scars and if it still bothers you there are specific make-ups to camouflage them completely(waterproof too) There are a few on the market and I believe that the Red Cross also provide a service for covering up disfiguring marks.
I do think that each and every scar tells a story about our path through life though but I also understand that sometimes you don't want to be reminded

glad it all worked out! stay strong

Don't forget that the scars are more noticeable now than they will be in the future. They will start to fade and become less obvious over the next few years. Some of mine are almost invisible now.

Occasionally, when my husband gets bored, he uses washable markers to connect the scars and turn them into pictures like the ones you see of the constellations in the sky. He says my belly is a work of art and each scar was put there to help me. (Personally, I liked the blank canvas better!)