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My answer to SSDI . What I do each day .

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 9/10/2011 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
As a rule , I check the Obituaries in the paper first thing each morning. If my name isn't there I go on and try to do something with the day. There is no news of me today so , crap , I'm up . Perhaps I should turn that last statement around. The bathroom is the first stop and that's where I check the paper. I've read all of it during my many trips there last night but I save parts for the morning . Done with that its breakfast time. Hmmm , decisions to make . Do I want to eat something that will send me to the bathroom more or eat something to run my blood sugar up to the ceiling ? Check my BG. Hmmm, just high enough to not crystallize . If I check it with the candy thermometer I would be somewhere between soft and hard ball . With a few pecans we could have pralines . Best eat gut cleaner today. Kix and almond milk , yum yum . Still, it's better than the whole grain cereal . The one they take from a large sack clearly marked , Horse Feed . After breakfast I add new reading material to the stack in the bathroom. As Arnold says, " I'll be back." Now its time to take meds . I have them in a row in the cabinet so I can keep track . I use to fill a weekly container but I find it too heavy to lift . Easier to just take them down and make one big pile. I swallow them all at one time . If I take them one at a time I wont be done in time for the first bathroom run and I still have to poke myself with insulin . Another great decision I get to make. Where to stick that hasn't been stuck a couple of hundred times . Today I stick the bruise that is yellow and stay away from the blue and purple ones . about this time the Kix kick in and we make our first dash to the reading room. Dash may be the wrong word . The penguin hustle is more fitting . I wonder if they can feel their toes as I shuffle, cheeks clinched to the throne room . I haven't felt my toes in years and its not because of the cold. Thirty or so minutes later it's time to do paper work . Try that with A.S. and bone spurs , not to mention it may all be for naught as I may have to go again before I stand up. If I'm really feeling on top of the world I do some of the wash . You haven't lived until you scrub dirty drawers with bleach so you can get them white enough to pass inspection at the doctors office . You know they check that . My Mom wouldn't lie to me . The rest of the day is pretty much a repeat of the morning . Like a needle stuck on a very bad record .
Posted 9/10/2011 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
@ Sniper,

You are the  Dave  Barry of Crohnland.  You make me laugh even when I, too, am having the same kind of morning as you.  Except I don't have too many reading materials nearby.  My dog insists on accompanying me to the bathroom and I spend most of my time having a conversation with her. 

I believe you should make a video of the penguin walk to be posted on the Healting Well video library for those newbies who haven't yet perfected the pinching technique.  It could save a lot of laundry problems.  Perhaps you could run that by Nanners, and Ivy6, and Roni.  If they say no, you could always go viral on utube. 

I, too, hate the food decisions I am forced to make being both diabetic and a Crohnie.  One of these days, I'm just going to eat an entire plate of onion rings after I have called the ambulance, but before they get to my house to take me to the hospital.  It might be worth it just once since I am so onion ring deprived. 

Anyways, keep posting.  You may not realize how meaningful your days really are unless you realize how much laughter you bring to others on this site.  You're a class act - or maybe that's a stand up act?  Keep posting and keep pinching. 

 

Posted 9/10/2011 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
Both of you are priceless LOL
Posted 9/10/2011 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Sniper,

Agreed,

I read pretty much all the posts on here. Then attempt to judge if I can help in any way. Some posts yes, some no.

Every time I come across one of your posts, I see two things that make me feel better.

One is I laugh, obviously not at you, with you, you give me so much hope that as I grow older I too will begin to find the humor in all this, but you make me believe there is a future, something my docotors suck at.

Your brain is wired perfectly, I believe most of us think the way you do, but you have a way with words that brings out smiles and hope. Your posts just simply help me feel better, something I can not say about my hospital as reliably as I can about your sense of humor.

Our days are similar, only I read whacky fictional books rather then the paper.

That's about it for me, thank you Sniper for every post.

Jon

Posted 9/10/2011 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
hahahahaha!

on a semi-serious note: i would suggest an aquatown bidet! i've had it for years. a true relief to the burning bum-hole :D
Posted 9/10/2011 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for the laugh!
Posted 9/11/2011 3:27 AM (GMT 0)
Sheesh—I could laugh and cry, cause I know exactly what you're going through, Sniper & OTD. I had insulin dependant gest. diabetes through both pregnancies and it was rough.
I bet we all get quite the visual of the penguin walk. At least we can laugh about it.
Posted 9/11/2011 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
This was actually a question on my SSDI questionnaire . I would like to have answered it with what I wrote here but one must pick ones battles and I chose to play nice . After all I need the money and I paid into the system for near on 50+ years so I feel like I should at least get a few bucks back . I know I have a strange way of looking at life but that's just my way . So if life gives you lemons why not put a little gin in it and find some ice . I've been told that we are all being tested in this life . My question is , why do some folks seem to get the first grade math test and I'm getting quantum physics . Geeez , put me in the back of the class where I can sleep in the cloak room for a while . I didn't even raise my hand . Call on someone else for cryin out loud . Anyway , hope you guys had a smile and a moment of not thinking of the this DD . Thanks for the kind words too, they feel good .
Posted 9/11/2011 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Love you, Sniper. You find the words to say what we're all feeling--and you make us all laugh and feel better for a moment. I hope that you realize what a gift you are to everyone here!
Posted 9/12/2011 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hahahaha!

Perfect description! I love the visual of the penguin walk. I do have a suggestion for clean looking underwear - do they make brown male underwear ? Women's come in all kinds of colors, but not brown. maybe we should start a new clothing line...

Thanks for the chuckle - I always look forward to your posts.

You should write a book while you are sitting on the can!

Sudsmom
Posted 9/12/2011 7:59 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks sniper!

I agree with everone else here. You have a way with words that´s entertaining and It makes my day a little brighter. :-) and its the joy of sympathy and recognition
So now i can go on with my day with a smile on my face!

Thanks again and a big hug!

yeah
Posted 9/12/2011 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
sudsmom , maybe we should start our own line of clothing . First , no snaps , buttons or zippers. Velcro for fast removal . We also would have to do extensive research into colors so we could match whatever color is needed. That way we could advertise that our drawers come in all crappy colors and mean it .
Posted 9/12/2011 1:35 PM (GMT 0)

nawlinscate said...
Love you, Sniper. You find the words to say what we're all feeling--and you make us all laugh and feel better for a moment. I hope that you realize what a gift you are to everyone here!

A tonic for the troops ...May God bless you
Posted 9/12/2011 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
Sniper - I love the clothing line idea. I have sort of gravitated towards easy off clothing over the years. Between abdominal pain and running to the can, almost everything I own is elastic waist band. I can't remember last time I wore zippered ANYTHING! I know there are not as many elastic choices for men, so there you go! There is your business opportunity for the day.

Don't say I never gave you anything!

Sudsmom
Posted 9/12/2011 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
so love reading your posts the way you are able to see this DD just makes me wish at times I could see it that way too...and I think many of us have done the penguin shuffle lots.
Posted 9/13/2011 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
I hate doing the penguin shuffle going upstairs!!!
Posted 9/13/2011 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe we could make a video of a bunch of us doing the penguin shuffle and put it on Youtube . We could start a new fad . Lady Ga Ga has her high shoes, Lady Ca Ca could have the penguin shuffle .
Posted 9/13/2011 5:50 AM (GMT 0)
I'm always amazed when I make it in time. It's like somehow my gut knows exactly where I am. I can drive 30+ miles in pain and hold it, but when I'm within the last 10 feet of the can is like my guts finally decide I'm close enough and decide to let go. I'm so lucky that I have an understanding wife and a really good washing machine.
Posted 9/13/2011 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
hey we don't call it the penguin shuffle at our house.  Ever since the movie Rat Race...we use the term "prairie doggin it" .  Only problem is....prairie dogs are not supposed to be liquid or gaseous.
Posted 9/13/2011 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the chuckles, I really need them today. My evil twin decided a handful of popcorn would be alright -- NOT. Haven't done the penguin shuffle but I have done a 50 yd dash in record time!

Keep us laughing Sniper!
Posted 9/13/2011 6:20 PM (GMT 0)
Habs, I can't compare as there are no prairie dogs in south La. They can't hold there breath long enough to dig holes when anything over 6 inches deep becomes a swimming pool . I'll take your word for it though . I do know they are fast little critters so I can't compare my stride to theirs either . I'm more like the penguin out of water even when in a hurry . Lamb , I know all about that evil twin . He has managed to talk myself into more trouble than I care to recall . Wish sometimes I could get hold of him and kick him square in my a,,,ahhh ,,well you know where . MM, wish I could say I always make it but truth is I'm about 2 out of three and I call that pretty good at my speed. I also know the closer I get to making it the harder my gut works to foul me up . Been good and fouled up too .
Posted 9/13/2011 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Sniper. What can I say? You are so precious. Your view of life is ..... so unique, so Sniper-ish.

By the way, I read it here once - hydrogen peroxide on the undies does wonders for stains - and so easy. Hold stain against capless bottle, turn bottle upside down, return bottle to upright position, set undies aside to dry, wash w/next load of like colors.
Posted 9/13/2011 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
Actually sniper...prairie dog is not used to describe the walk but rather another facto about prairie dogs.  They stick their heads out of the hole and drop back in, then come out a little further.  Kind of a sick and twisted version of pinching the cheeks together!

Posted 9/14/2011 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks C2. I'll try peroxide . Bleach does get drawers white but it also eats the cotton fabric up making them holy drawers or holey drawers depending upon your preference of comfort and ventilation over spotless and pure . Habs , OK , I get it , its gross , but I get it . I can't relate though because water has a point of no return . Once out , nothing goes back . Today while I waited for my wife to have her chemo infusion I was struck by one of those moments . There is a bathroom there but its a one seater and all of the docs staff and patients use it so I managed to penguin to the car and drive myself to the hospital a block away . Clean restroom there I recalled from when I was working . Just made it , but about 20 minutes later I was driving back to the hospital restroom again . This went on for about four times and then I managed to go back and fall asleep in the waiting room in the only comfy chair they have there. Wife had to wake me up . Had to stop again on the way home. I can't explain that to anyone that doesn't have this DD . My wife has two visits per week and I can't expect her to drive because the chemo knocks the stuffing out of her and she sleeps on the way home most of the time. Shes so frail and pale and tired and sick all the time how can I complain about my gut . So I find the way to see things funny . It's that or crash and burn. Thanks for sharing the laughter with me.
Posted 9/14/2011 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
A big hug!
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