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Being bullied for having Crohn's

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Posted 11/2/2011 10:40 PM (GMT 0)
As some of you know I am in college and stay on campus. Lately I have been feeling so sad. I feel like I'm being bullied but when I tell my family about it they don't seem to think I'm being bullied because noone has hit me or called me an ugly name. So why do I feel so sad then and insulted. I wrote a while back that I was having problems with them turning the a/c off and the windows being shut. Well I gave up because everyone said it was 3 girls against 1. So I reluctantly bought myself a big fan and let them have the a/c off. Silly me, I thought this would eliminate all the anymosity and they would leave me alone. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

         They started to yell at me that I needed to put air freshener because it stunk in the bathroom, and all I had done was change my clothes. After that I have been embarrased to use the bathroom in the dorm for pooping(sorry for the tmi) and mind you I go about 6 times a day and when I do have to go it's very urgent. I only use the bathroom to pee in the dorm and many times they go in after me and make noises and put air freshener like it stinks. Which I know it doesn't, I take a shower every day and am pretty clean. I definitely wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom or eat which none of them do.  I also have to have easy access to the bathroom so I am now trying to get a private room so noone is in the bathroom when the need to go hits.

          

                    I also go home every weekend and sometimes if I don't have classes Monday or Friday I'll stay home too. So I am in the dorm the least days possible. Well, last week I come back early Monday Morning and find that both of my name tags had been ripped off the door while all of their name tags were still there. Lo and behold I go to the elevator and there was my name tag taped on the ceiling. While I still live there and paid my portion of housing. Also every time I get back to the dorm after the weekend my roommate makes grunting noises or sucks her teeth like she's annoyed I'm there.  Then they put their music all the way up  after I take Humira and have a headache and am nauseous. This is horrendous.

                       Meanwhile, my butt hurts and is all rashy from going to the bathroom so much, I feel super tired all the time, I get horrible headaches, and since sleeping with the a/c off and windows closed I wake up with my eyes itchng a lot and a sore throat. I always feel horrible the day after I take humira. I just don't know what I've done to deserve this. You know what their complaint was to the RA at the beginning of the year? That I'm too quiet so they don't know I'm there.

                   The worst part is I feel like noone wants to help me. I have spoken and complained to practically everyone on campus and have gotten nowhere. Most of them smirk at me because I guess the idea of pooping 6 times a day or more is funny to them.The DRC is trying to help, but I'll have to wait and see. All this makes me feel so sad because I feel like this has no end. I want to be able to go to the bathroom without worrying that my roommates will pound on my door, I want to be able to put my injection on and not have my room vibrating because of the loud music. I mean I live here and my name isn't even on the door anymore. I just feel horrible and sick. cry That's it for my super long vent, I just needed for someone to listen.

Posted 11/2/2011 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
OMG that is so shamefull and I cannot believe no one is helping you with these issues.....shame on your roomies, I wish I could give you some advice but I'm just stunned at what you're going through...hopefully someone will come along soon to offer some advice.
Posted 11/2/2011 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
OK. This is NOT ok. At all. On any level.

I'm not in America so can't advise on how to deal with the US university system, but I do think you need to fight for your rights and dignity, and hard. I wonder if perhaps your American Crohn's Association (CCA?) might be able to advise, and maybe even offer help and advocacy?

Why not give them a ring, and see if they can do anything to help?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. The only comfort I can give you is that you are in the right here, and that (most) people do grow up eventually. And karma will get those girls eventually.

:-(

Ivy.
Posted 11/2/2011 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Awww Bless your heart!! I don't know what to tell you to do, but it breaks my heart that you have to put
up with such behavior. I truly hope things get better for you soon!!
Posted 11/2/2011 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry you have to go through this. Bullies don't stop unless they get some of their own back. They're ignorant and childish, unable to accept that you are suffering and doing more than they ever could.
If it were me, I'd go mental on them. Show them you have a side that they shouldn't mess with. Let it all out on them one day. Tear their names off the door and turn over their beds! (Not knowing your personality I am only saying what I might do!) It's so healthy to let all the pent up anger out on those who deserve it. And don't forget to leave a real stinky one in the toilet - and tell them it can get much worse if they keep annoying you.
Good luck. Don't ever feel bad about yourself. Nothing they can do is as bad as what you are already having with the Crohns. Be free.
Posted 11/2/2011 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
OMG!!!! This has gotten absolutely outrageous! Of course you are being bullied!!!!! I am so sad that your parents aren't helping you with this! Do you have the option to opt out of the dorm if they don't give you a private room? Are your parents paying your tuition? Either your parents or the DRC needs to call the president of the university and maybe even threaten legal action. You have a right to go to college free of this taunting and discrimination. All universities have legal aid and in most cases it is free for students. I suggest you make an appointment and go there next. It is November already and this should have been resolved. Those roommates of yours should be sanctioned in some way, but at the very least, you need to be removed from this situation very soon!!!!

Keep fighting, but I hope you also keep believing in humanity. Most people are not this mean...you just got unlucky and in a horrible living situation through no fault of your own. In addition to changing your living situation, I hope you can find at least one supportive friend to help you through. Join a club or get involved in some way to find some friends. You shouldn't have to run away from school every week-end. I have an 18 year old freshman away at school. If you were my daughter, I'd be going nuts!!! If it will help, show your family my post. You need advocacy. Keep writing to us at least. We really care about you!!!!!!!
Posted 11/3/2011 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
You could also threaten to go legal, or go to the media. The threat of either can grab big institutions' attention.
Posted 11/3/2011 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hello!

I feel so sad when I read your post and do not know what to tell you. And if feel angry, very angry because of people like that, who do discriminate other people for not being like them or who they do not like. You can not help if you are in WC six times or more per day. Lost my words, when I think about what are you going through ... crap!!!!

Sorry.

You haven't done NOT A THING and you do NOT deserve such a horrible experiences in campus.

It is fine to say keep fight, but you are alone. Maybe to think about:
Any chance to get another room?
Another, maybe more fine roommates?
Does any one else have this DD there so you would have support?
What about your parents? Did they done anything?
Have you been considering to change your diet to have maybe less visits to bathroom? Liquid food, maybe?
Have you consider some ointment for your 'butt' so it would hurt less? Do not know, maybe natural like Calendula might be fine. Try to speak to your doc.
Do you have any friend out there that would help you?
Consider a lawyer, as mentioned previously! And other people, authorities in collage to tell them about your situation.
What do your so called ''roommates'' know about your disease? about Crohn's? Try to explain them your disease, only worst and worst words and most black scenarios. Maybe they will become slightly better.
Do not know - maybe some famous people who has this DD might be good option to put in words to your ''roommates'' and let them listen to you. Maybe I am way to unreal with this words and way to naive and it wont help you. Have read about member of Bee Gees having this DD.



YP9
Posted 11/3/2011 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
I think the University can't have it both ways. They have already acknowledged your illness to the extent that they will grant you a note-taker in class, and transport across campus if you are feeling ill. In other words, they have acknowledged that this illness affords a degree of physical incapacitation.

Given this acknowledgement, how can they possibly allow you to be driven out of your dorms, to a place off-campus where it will be even HARDER for you to get to and from classes when ill?

I am appalled at the university for allowing things to reach this point. This stress has to be affecting your health and your studies. This isn't right.

Ivy.
Posted 11/3/2011 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
Isn't there a floor resident, an older student who is supposed to handle issues like this?

If not, then I suggest you go to your college advisor or someone similar and insist on different housing, even if it's temporary until the DRC figures out how to place you. You might even be able to get the university to give you a single room so you don't have to share a bathroom with anyone.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Posted 11/3/2011 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
I agree that you are being mistreated, and your room mates sound awful. If I were you I would move on and not put up with the abuse any longer-you deserve much better! These gals will find out what it's like to have health problems sooner or later. I admire you for fighting to make your situation better and wish you luck-- please keep us updated.
Posted 11/3/2011 7:27 AM (GMT 0)
I agree 100% with tsitodawg - you need to move into a place where you have your own room and private bath, and can open the window or set the thermostat at whatever temperature you please. Yes, it will probably be more expensive than your current living arrangements, but there's a reason for that (ie Four girls sharing one room and one bath is going to be cheaper than a private room and private bath).

I know it might seem unfair that you should have to move. But as tsitodawg has pointed out, the real world is not always nice, or fair.

The advice that some others are giving you (complain, get legal, get a lawyer, go to the media) - sounds like a great way to start World War III. I see no way that strategy can have a happy ending. Your roommates will not start suddenly liking you if you threaten legal action (not to mention that they just might turn around and sue you). Rather than escalate the skirmish into full-scale war, might be a better strategy just to find better accommodations. Do that, and all the bad vibes will just go away, instantly.

I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. I know what it's like to live with unpredictable urgent diarrhea, and to be constantly worried about finding a toilet when it's desperately needed. And during my high school years, I was on the receiving end of bullying - "unpleasant" would be putting it lightly. Plus the emotional stress this whole affair is causing could well make your physical illness worse. But at least the solution in your case is straightforward. You need to get yourself into a better living arrangement, so that you can concentrate on your studies. An escalating roommate war has no upside.

By the way, not trying to change the topic, but I don't think you've mentioned whether or not you've taking anything for the diarrhea. Not that Imodium or Kaopectate would be a solution to your roommate troubles, but it might make things more convenient for you, especially since you need to spend several hours per day in class. I always carry some Imodium with me - as the saying goes, "never leave home without it."

Wishing you the best of luck,
Robert

Post Edited (ozonehole) : 11/3/2011 2:05:18 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/3/2011 8:31 AM (GMT 0)
((((((hugs))))) to you.

What they are doing IS bullying and the situation you are in is intolerable.

As some have suggested-moving out is an option but tbh I don't see why you should be made to do that especially if there are financial implications (increased rent costs etc) that you would need to fund yourself(if Student's disability where you are will cover the diference then all well and good)

Usually with bullying there is one that is the leader, usually the one who is pretty,funny,popular etc who others will follow like sheep, is it apparent which one of these girls is the 'leader' because more often than not if that person is removed from the equation things will tend to quieten down as the followers are too pathetic to stand up for what they know to be right.

I think I would be tempted to go the legal/media route and think it would be good to get the Crohn's asscociation on board with this.

These girls are insensitive morons and I hope that one day they have to suffer such an illness and only then will they fully understand what b*****s they have been.

Posted 11/3/2011 8:36 AM (GMT 0)
Oooh, good point, Vixen. That's the Queen Bees and Wannabees strategy, isn't it?
Posted 11/3/2011 10:23 AM (GMT 0)
Surely the housing office can help or isn't there some resource for disabled students that can help you??? I'm just feeling horrible for you, as I've been through my share of bullying in my life. You need to get out of that room/situation ASAP for your on mental & physical health.
Posted 11/3/2011 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with ozonehole that you are probably not going to get far dealing with those awful girls, but you might need legal help to be released from your dorm contract and placed in a private room. what is the disability dept currently doing?
Posted 11/3/2011 12:25 PM (GMT 0)
This is so awful shakehead . Are registered with the school's disability services? Tell them you need a private room with a private bathroom immediately. Also, if the residence people aren't helping, go to someone higher up--maybe a dean or the president himself? I think at least threatening legal action and/or media attention will help. Contact your local CCFA chapter and see if they can help. Do you live close enough to home to commute?
Posted 11/3/2011 12:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, thanks for all your support, I've read all of your comments and would like to answer some questions. The funny thing is the private room is actually a thousand dollars cheaper where I am now. The problem is it's in a building that's not for freshmen. So the housing office doesn't want to put me there. So that's what i'm fighting for right now and so is the drc b/c it shouldn't matter that i'm a freshman,i have a disability. Well their solution was to switch me to another building for freshmen with the same amount of girls, the problem is I can't afford that it's a thousamd dollars more than where i am now. I am paying for all this with scholarships and grants. I can't afford to buy a car and commuting by public transportation would be 2 buses and a train back and forth. So the best opt for me is living on campus. I am also fully aware my roommates aren't going to change. I am not waiting for them to change i am waiting to get switched out. There is a definitely a clear leader and the other two, do whatever she says. Which i had been so mad at b/c the girl that's with me in my room had sided with them after i had been so nice to her. The other two were friends before college so they had ousted both of us but they especially hated me. So when my roommate started to join in the hating me club. They then 'liked' her too. So i was left by myself. Which i really don't mind, i don't need people like that as friends. Another is I don't usually go 6 times a day but since i have been really stressed i have been going instead of my norm 3-4, i have been going 6. I also do not have diarrhea. I have formed bm's so immodium and stuff isn't working. I definitely understand that there are people that are rude and unaccepting of crohn's. When i first started getting symptoms of crohn's(abscesses, diarrhea,abdominal pain,etc) i was 16 and thought my 'friends' of 3 years would support me. So i would tell them about the ER and the pain i was going through. One day without even saying anything they stopped talking to me. They later told me i was being a hypochondriac. I am not in my own fantasy world thinking everyone is going to accept me and be nice to me as i am. I know my roommates aren't going to wake up one morning and decide to stop. I have straight a's in my classes and do all my work b/c i'm not going to let some stupid girls ruin my future. Oh and sorry for no paragraph breaks, this thing i'm typing on doesn't let me enter. Anyways, thanks for listening, it's nice to know someone is.
Posted 11/3/2011 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
I have straight a's in my classes and do all my work b/c i'm not going to let some stupid girls ruin my future.

Good on you for that.

The way I see it there's two ways you can deal with these waste-of-oxygen scumbags; a) switch off entirely or b) get even. I've noticed that bullies will often back down surprisingly fast when their former victims start to stand up against them, but it's still a strategy which could backfire, especially if you are outnumbered. Probably better to just switch off and not show any sign of an upset or angry response to their braindead trolling attempts.

And put your energies on getting out of that place ASAP.

I gotta go now (colonoscopy :-/), but good luck. I thought uni people were meant to be mature than the cretins you come across at school, but in this case obviously not. There are nicer people than that out there, however; the trick is finding them and leaving the sheep-like idiots behind you to get on with being sheep and not daring to have a single original thought of their own.
Posted 11/3/2011 2:55 PM (GMT 0)
Oh my gosh. What a bunch of biatches! I'm so sorry you're going through this. You seem like a strong woman. You have the right perspective and it's amazing you are trying to get yourself help and get out of there instead of sinking in to a pile on the floor and just crying. They are immature and someday life will throw them a few curve balls and they will have to grow up. Until then, all you can do is stick up for yourself and do whatever it takes to remove yourself from such a horrible environment. If you think you are brave enough to verbally speak up for yourself - do so! If they make noises or comments about how the bathroom "stinks" just tell them, "It's a bathroom! What do you expect people to do in there?" Anything else they say, I would just out right tell them to grow up. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Nothing. Keep going kiddo! It's people like you who accomplish so much in life. I hope they learn their lesson, but it won't really matter - you're going to leave them in the dust!

Keep us posted and I will pray for you that they get you into private housing ASAP!

Stef
Posted 11/3/2011 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Ignore them. Their opinions are obviously not worth a darn thing. Keep working on getting out, keep at your schoolwork, and forget they exist.
Posted 11/3/2011 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi dear,

Sorry to hear that you have been through all this but these are people. I'm not a US resident but I definitely agree with all other posters. Hope you could get the new accommodation. It seems that your are a sensitive person and this can get easily on you. You did not choose this disease and it's not your fault. But always remember whenever people become mean to you that this is God's test in life and this should make you stronger.

I have straight a's in my classes and do all my work b/c i'm not going to let some stupid girls ruin my future.

I'm going to copy this as NCOT did. That is the issue, they are "jealous" of you and that's why they are annoying you. They are still teenagers and older people do that also. They cannot excel like you , that is why, they keep bullying at you. It's human nature, dear.

I had a friend, and sorry to call her a friend, we worked together and I helped and supported her a lot, she used whenever I was sick or absent to raise this issue in front of my boss and keep implying that I am sick. At that time, I became very shocked, depressed but decided not to let this affect my performance at work. And I kept thinking in a positive way and evaluating myself. I told myself: There must be something good in me that makes her that "jealous" of me as she is older and has more degrees than I do (she got a PhD) but I could excel in things she couldn't. She even sometimes tried as hard as possible to spoil a good situation and reminded me of my disease to the extent that I had to burst out in tears in front of other colleagues and students and it was so humiliating. So, I decided that I would work harder as you said "straight a's" and I won't ever speak about my illness to anybody except my boss because of high absenteeism. You know what, months later, she got a kidney disease and she came an apologized to me and told me that now she could identify with my pain. Be strong, study hard and hopefully, they can find you a private room and a private bathroom. It's the least you deserve.

Take care!
Posted 11/4/2011 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
Well their solution was to switch me to another building for freshmen with the same amount of girls, the problem is I can't afford that it's a thousamd dollars more than where i am now.

 

It is the school's responsibility to place you somewhere that you are safe and free from bullying. If they can't do that in a place at the same cost to you, that's too bad for them. It's not your fault they have a different pricing schedule. You should not be forced to stay in a hostile environment because you can't afford an increase in your housing. When you talk to people involved in helping to place you somewhere else. make sure to use the words BULLYING and HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT. If they refuse to move you only because you are a freshman or can't afford an increase in your housing, then threaten to contact the CCFA, an attorney and/or the media. After all the news coverage that last years' events at Rutger's caused, this should be a top priority at your college and don't feel bad or shy about reminding them of that!

I hope you can get moved to a single room soon.

Posted 11/4/2011 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
Okay, I have considerable experience within the university system (I was extremely involved on campus during my undergrad years), and have some knowledge of housing.

It seems as though you're already in contact with the DRC (which I'm guessing is the disability resource center). You need to go beyond that. Is your residence director aware of what's going on? Is the residence director of the dorm you're hoping to move into aware? You want everyone who could potentially be involved to know. You need to provide them with medical documentation for your disease (get something from your doctor), and make sure everything is on record at your campus health center.

You need to keep records of incidences that are occurring in your room. Date it, include names, etc. Keep it in a private computer doc, and keep a separate copy on a flash drive. Anything in the past that you can remember, be as accurate as possible.

Next, you need to go higher up. Involve your Residence Association, or Dorm Management, or whatever you might call it. Essentially, you need to talk with whoever is in charge of housing. Email him or her regularly, and continue to request more assistance, more information, etc. Next, you need to get in contact with the head of Student Affairs (President or Vice President typically). Explain your situation, and tell them that you need their help. If they can't, have them tell you who can.

Contact whoever you can, email, call, whatever. Bug people. Also, get as much medical documentation as you can.
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