Privacy at work

Since I was in the hospital for a couple of days in November with a flare, I've had to apply for FMLA, and talk to my boss about what's going on. He's been really understanding and it's been fine. I decided that it was time to tell more people and so have been telling some of my coworkers. I'm a private person and it's uncomfortable for me to talk about this, but I also find it helpful for friends and coworkers to know.

Yesterday at work, a manager came down to talk to another librarian. She asked how I was doing, and I said I eh, I was hanging in there. She proceeded to tell me I should talk to another person in the library (different department) that also has Crohn's, and she hoped I felt better soon and to just let us know what support I needed.

Normally that would be nice, but it was in front of this other librarian. So she asked if I was OK, and then said oh right you've been out sick a lot lately. I replied that I had been ill and was working on getting over it.

Later that same librarian came back and asked more questions about me being sick. I suspect in part if her and the manager didn't talk about it more when the left. But the questions were pushy, and when I gave my usual vague answers of I have a chronic illness, she actually pushed more. And then I got the "you don't look sick" and she proceeded to say how I seemed my same old cheerful self. I told her it might show on the days I was in pain. So I wound up telling her, and resented it, and especially resented the manager talking about this in front of another employee.

I've read so many of your stories about similar things, and felt fortunate that I hadn't had to deal with things like that, and felt sad that there were so many inconsiderate people out there. So now I've been initiated...pushy people asking about my illness, being told I don't look sick, being complimented for losing weight. Sigh..I'm going to have to learn how to come up with some zippy replies and actually say it!!

Most of the times, people are asking those sort of questions or making those sort of comments because of either curiousity or concern. Even the curious ones don't really know how to respond to all the information you are giving them. IMO, comments like "you look good" "you don't look sick" are their best efforts at compliments and/or trying to make you feel better, not meant in any derogatory or mean way.

That's how I usually take these comments and if people have other underlying or even sinister intentions, then that's their problem.

I have always told all my colleagues at work and some of my customers of the situstion arises in normal conversation and you do get the odd remark about how nice it is for me to eat what I want and not put on weight but people say them without thinking and don't really mean it. Try not to take things to heart as often things like that are said without really thinking. When I explain it I tell them how it effects me and what it does to me, like I can look really well on steroids but feel like hell and they soon understand.

The more people you tell and explain how it effects you the more they will understand and people tend to be curious and will ask questions, tbh that is best as you can tell them rather than them 'thinking' they know what it is just because they read something about it somewhere.

When I tell someone I have CD, they say (nearly all of them) of that's a horrible disease I'm so sorry you have it as everyone seem sto know someone who has CD or UC and often we will then talk about different treatments and I'll also say about the surgery I have had and that I have an ileostomy for 20 years. No one can see I have it and they are always surprised that I have it and work fulltime and this shows them even with chronic illness you an still be a competant employee. It is nice as my customers who know will tell me if I've lost weight and ask how I am and they are really concerned, which is kind of them as I am just an employee not a friend.

Once you tell one person, it does get easier as you tell more people.

Thanks everyone. You know that's good to remember that people are just curious, not necessarily insensitive.

I do feel better telling people....I just want it to be on my terms not someone else's. And it's actually been nice when I feel crappy to say so instead of sucking it up. It's just a lot of new territory for me. I find it hard to describe what Crohn's is like, and it's especially hard for me to talk about how I feel...both emotionally and physically. Thanks Mom! :-P

I feel like the universe is giving me a smack on the head to learn how to express how I feel. The naturopath I've been seeing makes me describe pain, or be very specific about symptoms. It's interesting how hard that can be for me. I also have a couple of friends that are super supportive and will some times ask how I feel and they want a real answer.

CD-89, I was a med tech for over 20 years as well. I now go to a hospital where I used to work and saw a former boss there. I am sure she looked me up on the computer. LOL..... I guess you run the risk of people looking at your lab work, which would bug me too. I am a private person. I don't know how I had colitis and didn't become emaciated as much as I had diarrhea. Not that you want to look sick and lose weight but at least if you don't look well, people realize you are truly sick. Either way, it's tough. I know the people where I work could care less about my health, especially my boss. They just want the work done. It's kind of sad for me but I am glad that not everyone has this environment. I've worked in better places where people cared.