I guess my fiance has had enough!

Oh, I am so, so, sorry. That's just horrible, Cupcakes :-(.

Sending you a huge hug.

Ivy.

Wow that's harsh. Please don't think it is your fault. Let the feelings out for your own health's sake. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what illness you may have.
Best wishes.

Aw cupcake. You know what, i've read your posts for a few months and you really have some courage, and whether or not you work things out with him, your life can only go uphill from here. If you truly love him, i'm sorry, --but from reading a past post about you being in the hospital and him not being too supportive didnt sound so well to me. Look at it this way, he's not worth a point a view if the only thing he sees is himself in this relationship. You've accomplished alot since going through what you've had to go through, and a man should be able to see how strong you are throughout all of the sorrow that comes along with this illness. He has his own insecurities and those will keep him at a distance from forming closer relationships with anyone else, because hes not willing to accept things for what they are and make the best of them.

Please don't blame yourself. With or without a guy in your life, you're making progress.

Hi there!

Aww jeez. That does NOT help, for sure. I had a guy end our relationship because of the illness. I am glad that he did it though (well, now I am; I sure wasn't right after the breakup). I know words can't really make it better, but please feel free to vent. I will gladly listen! :)

So, so, so sorry cupcakes :(( !!!! This whole situation deffinately wont help your flare! Please don't get too down to the point you completely relapse  

   'Normal people' sometimes think they can handle being supportive and a friend to someone with a chronic illness but they find out real quick the word 'crohnic' isn't just there for funsies! They are normal people and sometimes we forget how this disease matures us faster and differently than most others. Same can apply in your situation. The disease affects everyone and not just the person who has it. Now, after saying all that, I don't think that excuses him from dropping this HUGE ball on you, out of no where!

     You will find a man who loves you for YOU & who accepts your disease if it's meant to be! I hope your family is there for you & friends. If not, the HW family is always here   *HUGS!*

I am so sorry for what you are going through. You need your family's support, please tell them. They may flip out, but not at you. They only want what is best for you and I am sure they love you and would want to support you through this.

As for you taking the blame for this, no way!!! Your Fiance may have other things going on in his life that are just overwhelming him. If he can't take it, this is on him, not you. I was engaged for about 7 months when my fiance broke off our engagement. (I didn't know I had Crohn's at the time, so that wasn't a factor) He was just overwhelmed with everything going on. With a few weeks away, he realized that us breaking up wasn't the problem, he needed to deal with his stress management and cope with everything. We talked things over and got back together after a month apart. We will have our 27th wedding anniversary this year. He has never had another doubt. I have asked him. But if things don't work out that way, then he can't handle the stress that life will be handing him. Because lets face it, everyone has to deal with stress, be it medical, family, job..... My husband and I learned how to lean on each other, but if he can't do that, then you need someone you can lean on because life is hard sometimes.

I hope it all works out for the best for you, but please let your family know. You need them to lean on.

Thank you all for the support. Today is a new day and has had less tears!

I know that in the long run this is probably for the best but right now the thought of being without him for the rest of my life on top of trying to figure out moving ect is just more than I can seem to handle. I told my best friend and that did help. I will tell my family soon, I just worry about my mom because she worries so much about me! I lost my job in September because of my dumb colon and now this. It is going to break her heart!

I do feel better today and hopefully each day from here is better!

Well, I guess it's good to find this out now, then years in to the marriage. Some people just can't handle a chronic illness it seems. Which doesn't really make them good for marriage, considering in sickness and in health. My husband wasn't always good about it in the beginning. He once told me to just "Go to the doctor and get it fixed". Oh yeah sure! It took him a few years before he realized how sick I really was, and if they love you enough they will stick with you in anything. AND that is what YOU deserve in a spouse. Nothing less. A partner in life, no matter how bad it gets. I know it's hard right now, and it hurts. But try to remember that it isn't your fault, it's his short comings not yours!

I do have to agree with everyone else that it's best that it happened now and not when you are married and have kids.  I understand what you are going through (though, not quite as badly); I was seriously dating a guy and when found out I was getting an ostomy he told me he could no longer be with me!  Ridiculous!

It is absolutely not your fault and you are not to blame.  He's the one at fault.  Clearly, he is a coward; you're the brave one!  You didn't choose to have this disease and you can't choose to opt out if you want (we all would!).  But he obviously had the choice and chose the lesser course...he truly is a coward.  He WILL eventually see his mistake and see everything he lost in you.

But I think the BIG question here is, is there some *** whooping needed here?  NEVER MESS WITH CROHNIES!  Just say the word and we'll all be there and give him a piece of our mind!  Then we can have a HW party at the local restaraunt! :0)

But seriously, big hugs to you and let us know if you need anything!

cupcakespinkgal,
I'm so sorry. To say this SUCKS isn't enough but don't give up hope. I really believe that attitude plays a big part in how you get through this and I'm not implying that it will be easy at all. An example - my brother had an almost fatal stroke at the age of 24 and was paralyzed, two brain surgeries, radio therapy, years of physio etc. He was on the cusp of a successful career and had had the same girlfriend for a couple of years at that point.
Soon after he got sick, his girlfriend broke up with him because she "couldn't handle it" (fair enough really, I hated her but she was young and it was hard. At that point he couldn't walk or even move the left side of his body and she was not about to be stuck with that for the rest of her life). Anyway, my brother had a LOT of support from friends and family and he was determined to get back on track and he kept repeating that it was "her loss" (he was trying to convince himself and everyone around him clearly).
He went on antidepressants, sought out therapy with someone who specialized in medical trauma, and went through years of recovery.
He ended up being able to walk again, though he does not have any feeling in his left side. He also takes seizure medication (on top of everything he also has mild UC!) Otherwise, he is "well".
Anyway, he went back to work full time, did an MBA on the side from a top school, got a great job, is now very successful in his career, and met someone who he married two years ago.
I've told his story before on this site because I know what it's like, and I've seen someone struggle through a serious medical crisis and come out great.
I think you should tell your mom. Don't protect her - that's not your job. It's her job to take care of you and she will probably be devastated when she finds out because I'm sure she'd love to help you right now. You have a lot on your plate, so accept the support around you.
You will get through this and find someone better (I can't imagine being married to someone who I knew in my heart didn't want to be with me because of a medical condition. There are many out there who won't feel the same.)
Good Luck!

No, you will never be alone on here. I learned that years ago, best support anywhere!

Matthew

Hi,

For every door that closes another one opens.  I wish you every success with your new job.  I'm sure you will meet someone that will make you happy and give you the support you need, probably when you aren't looking!

Focus on your health, new job and everything else will fall into place.

Julia