My husband has had chronic illness for most of our marriage (20 yrs). I'm not the most compassionate person and I know that when he is sick (which is often), I sometimes get agitated. Its not that I don't love him or care about
what he is going through. I do. When someone that you love gets sick, things become very centered around them to make them more comfortable, to get answers, to help them feel better. When you feel sick, you want to be comforted and taken care of. Thats a very natural response. As a spouse I'm good at short term undivided attention as a caregiver. But on an ongoing basis it gets very stressful. I become a single mother caring for kids, getting everyone where they need to go, going to work, taking care of the house, shopping, laundry, etc...and my spouse. I burn out quickly. And sometimes I feel really lost because its all about
the person who is sick, all the time. I'm trying to hold it all together by myself, and its frustrating when he comments that I don't seem to care that he is sick. I do care, but I can't stop everything every time he is sick. When you are a spouse your life changes pretty dramatically too. It sometimes takes a little time to work through those emotions and figure out how to make it work. I now get that he will never understand what I experience. His experience is horrible and as frustrated, or alone, or even sick as I might be at times it will never compare to what he has to endure. I understand that part of it.
Now having said that, I do sometimes need a kick in the pants to remind me to be the loving caregiver I would want to have if the situation were reversed. Many times I fail, but sometimes I do alright and fortunately he forgives me for my weaknesses. I will keep trying though. Because he is worth it.
Post Edited (lwaite) : 2/7/2012 12:03:38 AM (GMT-7)