Feeling sad today

FORGET about WHAT YOUR FRIEND SAID!!!!!  I hate to say this but to me she sounded a little rude!  It sounds to me like you were proud of your home and the life you created with your family.  In the end that is all that really matters.     Bye the way, trust me you are not the only one letting a few things go around the house.   Life happens especially when you have medical bills piling up and kids in college. Like you I have a nice house but I even have rooms that have absolutely no furniture in it!!   I just use them to play with my grandbaby.   LOL    It sounds to me like you know EXACTLY where your priorities are!   Lisa

I struggle with it every day, but I have just tried to let it go. We had a super shabby house that totally needed a redo, but couldn't afford it or get the energy to make it happen. We were "lucky" and our house got struck by lightning, so we had to do a gut remodel. That was in 2009. Our house looks much better now! But there are still things that we haven't been able to afford. I don't blame my illness for this, just our inability to generate enough income to provide the luxuries we think we want.

Look, who knows what your friend was thinking? My advice is to ignore everything she said. She probably has a bunch of insecurities about herself that came out as criticisms of your house. Is your house working for you and your husband? Are there things you want to change? Make a list, prioritize, and save your money to make them happen, one by one.

I'm glad you're feeling better, Crohn's wise, and I know you'll get past this.

Somedude said...
I don't get it, your friends gives an opinion and you think she's a jerk?

I don't mind if people come in too my house and give opinions about this and that. One of my friends told me he didn't like the wall color in the kitchen, heck I agree with him.

Another told me, he'd prefer the fridge to open the other way. W.T.F., who cares, but ok.

I guess, it's also an age difference and the fact that I'm a male?....I'm 32, if a friend comes and tells me my carpet looks like crap, I'll take it into considereation lol

You've completely missed the point...

... which is gumby is too ill and tired to do the things the b****y friend was suggesting. It's not equal banter between guys taking the piss out of one another, it's an insensitive 'friend' making passive-aggressive coments to a friend who already feels low and insecure.

I can tell you if I was on the receiving end of those comments, that 'friend' would not be coming to my house again. I have a hard enough time dealing with Crohn's, and have literally no patience left over for dealing with people's psychological issues.

@gumby - Believe me, it sounds like you're doing fine. There are so, so many more important things in life than having beautiful decor. I really do think women get hung up to the point of having a new kitchen, etc. etc. to the point they make both themselves and their husbands miserable - I've seen this in action. It seems to me like these women are displacing a general dissatisfaction or unhappiness with a belief that having a new kitchen, wallpaper, etc. will make them happier. They don't seem to realise that these things would make them happier for about a week, before their nagging sense of dissatisfaction came back and they wanted something else.

I don't know your friend to say that she definitely falls into that category, but I wouldn't be surprised. You are already doing the right thing in life by not getting into debt (bad idea), concentrating on your children's education etc. Sod the house. As long as it's not about to fall down and it's clean enough, that's all that matters. Not your friend's genteel snobbery.

*hug* Hope you feel better now.

WingZero said...
Your house isn't as important as your health. And besides, I'm sure your house is NOT bad anyway. Some people feel like you have to have the kinds of houses like on TV or in magazines... you shouldn't let your friends high expectations get you down, especially when you are not feeling well. Focus on getting better... it sounds like you are taking care of the stuff that is truly important right now. Nothing else matters.

exactly, who cares what your friend said. You should go...oh ok cool.....then whatever lol

Decades ago, long before I was diagnosed, my husband and I rented a little apartment for a six-month stint at school. One of his college friends came by to visit--and actually exclaimed, about the apartment that we'd come to love, that he was sure we "could do better than THIS!" We laughed it off. But I notice that, 40 years later, I still remember his rude comment, and my opinion of him has been permanently affected by his snobbery.

So I give you permission to be as annoyed as you want to be about your friend's offensive comments. Your friend is the problem, not you.

Gumby, I know exactly how you feel. Due to my CD and hubby's med issues our house needs alot of work too. The outside should have been painted last year, carpets need replaced, kitchen needs redone, etc. Do what you can and as long as it's livable --- screw everyone else's opinions. Some people just need to relearn their manners.

Funny, but to me it sounds like you value health and family over material things.  I like you more for that!  I have a brother that makes those same sort of comments when he visits - you know I can get you better knobs for those cupboards, oh your cupboards are not the same type of wood that we liked, etc.  I have a friend who does this too.  I think they are both insecure and using me as a way to vent.  Sooo....I let them vent once in a while but I limit my time with them.  I also use the phrase "that's nice" in response to everything they say (a fake southern drawl makes it sound more effective .  Eventually, they get tired of telling me things I am brushing off

I am happy that my dumpy little house is not as pristine as theirs....I have love and friendships.  The fancy cupboards can come another day....or never.

Honestly that is so rude of your friend, especially if they know that you have a disease that has made you ill and unable to do everything you want to do, and have a family to take care of! All that matters is that you do what you can and try to keep things clean. If someone is "suggesting" that your house would be better with this improvement and that, knowing your condition, I would definitely not be inviting them over again. Sounds like they're trying to make themselves feel good or better about their own selves by putting you down in a suttle way.