Posted 5/5/2014 11:44 AM (GMT 0)
I have had crohns for 12 years, my children call me "bubble guts". I hate having this disease. I hate the noises my insides make when I am speaking to people. I hate the pain, not being able to work, running to the toilet umpteen times a day, the depression, the swelling, not knowing where the toilet is always, running out of toilet paper, the not knowing if I am going to run to the toilet when out for dinner, the inability of eating certain foods that are going to make everything worse, being scared of using a toilet outside of the home, the pain brought on by the drugs the doctors give me, being scared of travelling because of unknown areas, not knowing if my insurance protection payments are going to continue. Yes, I look healthy on the outside, but inside, my joints are aching, my muscles hurt, I am often asked "when is your baby due?". I don't have any energy, it takes me 2 hours to get out of bed (and yes, accidents occur), if I stay still for more than 20 minutes then I can't move. I won't win any marathons to get to the toilet because everything else hurts. I can't make love to my husband because of the pain, that kills me. I am so very, very sad. I cry alot. I just wish this horrible disease would go away. I hate it.