So apparently I used my disease..

Sorry I haven't been around lately. My life is still completely upside down. I won't go into everything again. The short story, husband of 20 years moves us out of state, 6 months later cheats on me with employee, tells me he no longer loves me, kicks our son and myself out. We moved back to where we were living before.

Since then I've gotten a job, as a phone banker. It's stressful, back to getting yelled at on phones daily. But even worse when you are already pushed the limit emotionally. I have not done well with the separation. He has blamed me for everything, and continues to blame me. He's played mind games, manipulation, and just been out and out cruel and evil. He kept telling me to wait 6 months so he can see how he feels after some "cooling off time". It's already been 3 months however. Still says ZERO feelings for me.

Two weeks ago he said he was miserable for 2 years, never told me that. Blamed me. So that week I went to work sick thinking of any little fault I had that could have made him so unhappy. If only I wasn't sick, if only I didn't have to take so many steroids. Maybe then he would still love me. Pathetic I know.

So I talked to him Sunday (called about a plumbing issue I was having). That's when he decided to put another nail in the coffin saying that I USED my Crohn's over the years. That I wasn't that sick, probably feeling fine a lot of the time. So that way I didn't have to go places or do things. I couldn't believe my ears. I've done nothing but FIGHT this disease. I'd starve so I could go places with him, take 8 imodium in a day to do things with him. It was just the lowest. I had no idea he could be so cruel. My son (19) called him tonight to tell him off and he said he shouldn't have said that, but still felt that I did use it.

My depression is at a all new low. But because of training on my new job I can't take a weekday off until mid-June to see a doctor. I have an appointment set up for June 30th to see a psychiatrist. I badly need help. I work all day, I've broken down and cried a few times at work. I get in my car to go home and cry, I get home and spend my whole evenings crying. Tonight was the first night I looked up how to take your life painlessly. I just want out of the pain. I've been to the ER, they didn't help me.

He has left me in a horrible position. I haven't worked long enough for disability. I know I'm not going to be able to keep working for long. As soon as the next flare hits I'm screwed. I'll lose my insurance and then what? I can't believe he's done this to me. But like he said he was there for 20 years of it, he's done his time. I feel so worthless.

Jen, I read your post & will tell you to please, please stop blaming yourself. In all honesty, he took the chicken way out by using your health as a culprit. It was easier for him to use that as an excuse than man up to you & be honest about why he left. Please remember when people split up someone is always the bad guy & he is the one, not you.

I know you can't see a dr until June, however, you may want to consider getting in with a psychologist that has evening appointments, many do. Having someone now that can help you now is important. I had a great lady psychologist that I saw for quite a long time. They cannot prescribe medication.

He wanted 6 months to cool off so he can play the single game. Who benefits from that? In that 6 months are you suppose to sit on the side lines while he goes & plays & him continue to blame you, I don't think so.

I too have crohns & very much understand what it can do to us. Please, starting today work on taking care of you & your son. How old is your son? It is not going to be easy but you must start taking care of you & your son.

My son went through a divorce 2 yrs ago after being married almost 21 yrs & like you he was devastated. He was blindsided when she said I am not happy, I am moving out & want a divorce. He had no idea she was unhappy, he was too busy working because she decided to be a stay at home mom. They had a 10 yr old together & I saw what those 2 guys went through. It took time for him to move on. He threw himself into his work & making a new life for himself & his son.

Please, please consider getting someone to talk to now. Take care.

Your husband sounds like an emotionally and mentally abusive arsehole who's using you, not the other way round.

Please, cut him out of your life. Don't speak to him anymore; you don't need his help with anything. I'd rather live with faulty plumbing than turn to a scumbag like that for help. If your son wants to keep in touch with his dad, then he can, but you are not obliged to. And it will be less one problem/burden for you to shoulder.

Hold in there. Nothing lasts forever, including thoughts of suicide. Try to look for another job. Try to concentrate on today and next week, not months or years ahead. Worrying about insurance is completely understandable, but there is nothing you can do about it at the moment - that's a future worry, which may or may not come to pass. Try to confine your worries to the here and now.

Consider posting on the Depression board. Every week there is a new topic about a relationship breakup; it is striking how often the person who initiates the breakup uses their depression as an excuse. It is also striking how many of them keep the non-depressed person dangling on hold, while they spout cliches about "needing space" and maybe in 6 months they'll be ready to try again, but they can't make any promises mind - oh, and don't contact them either, because that's "pressure" which they can't cope with. Anyway, the folks on the Depression board will understand what you're going through and hopefully agree with me and everyone else in this thread.

Jenn, all I can say is I'm so sorry. He is a jerk and doesn't deserve you. People who don't have this disease can never fully understand the daily struggle. Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself. Even if it seems just a long hot bath and alone time. You deserve it.

Just want to say he's a complete jerk, and I will come kick his butt. You deserve SO much better than a complete loser who isn't man enough to own up to his own problems. Instead, he has to bully others to try to make them feel as rotten about themselves as he feels about himself.

I am sorry. There's not much I can say that hasn't been said, but I agree with the others, the depression board is pretty fantastic. Also, you may be able to get a psychiatrist to see you on the weekend/evening, all you can do is call around and see. I know it's really hard to have such a drastic change in your life, but NCOT is right, you need to cut him out. I am sure all this was building up for a very long time, and the more you contact him, the more he's going to resent you. Not saying you should try to keep him happy by staying away, but it is bad for your confidence/emotions to keep attempting to speak with him and hoping he's going to change how he feels. The reality is, you've likely grown apart and he wants something else. You would feel better if you didn't want him to want you - but we always want that when we aren't ready for a relationship to end... I give you a lot of credit for going out and getting a job, being a strong woman, and pulling yourself together. This opens doors, If he's not supportive of you, and he's been angry all this time, imagine if you had someone in your life who was everything he's not? You could be a lot happier. He will probably end up unhappy and playing this manipulating blame game with someone else.