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Posted 6/3/2008 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
I got back from having the ultrasound done (also had some kind of... transvaginal ultrasound, too)... I think I only have one cyst right now, and it's on my right side. The ob/gyn said that it was a bit bigger than what is normal...

I'm not exactly sure if he managed to complete the pelvic exam... because rather early into it, I started groaning because it got very painful. He talked about wanting to do a laproscopy, but he wants me to talk to my GI doctor first...

More waiting... :(

And it's very nice of you guys offering your help and everything in regards to the stuff that's weighing me down, but I really don't think there is much you can do...

And maybe everything isn't as bad as I think it is... maybe it just all seems that way because I'm depressed. I just need to try to keep my mind occupied... and try to do the best I can with my problems...

It's good to be able to talk with you all, concerning my health... It's a shame you aren't all doctors. You'd make very good ones, I think... :)... Just listening and sharing your knowledge...

I was very curious about my blood work... the thing about my alkaline phosphate (I'm not sure if that's spelled correctly) being low... Because the doctor did say they were low... And I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not because I figured it's best when everything is normal, right? But I looked it up... and it looks like one of the medicines I'm on (Imuran/azathioprine) can cause low alkaline phosphate...

So, that's probably what it is. It makes me wonder, though... Would it still be possible that there could be something wrong with my bones? I know some of you take Imuran... Don't know how many of you take it and have problems with joints and such, though...

It probably really is only the prednisone causing my misery, but just thought I'd ask before I start wondering too much and it becomes something for me to worry about.
Posted 6/3/2008 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Celey,

(((BIG HUGS))) to you. I wish we all lived closer so we could Mommy you:) I know that Pred really upsets my joints (not as bad as yours), but with Crohns many of us also suffer with inflammatory or osteo-arthritis. Don't know if the Imuran can do that or not, I wasn't on it long enough to suffer with the joint problems, it just made me really nauseous. Many of us see a Rheumatologist for our joint problems, maybe you could get a referral to one and have them do a complete check on your joints and bones. Sure wish I had a magic answer for you, but unfortunately I don't. But I will for sure keep you in my prayers. I will tell you one thing, if a Rheumy does find damage the medications they use are helpful for Crohns too. i.e. Remicade and Humira. Hope you get feeling better soon.

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*
Posted 6/3/2008 7:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there Celey.... you're in my thoughts and prayers....big hug!!!
Mary
Posted 6/4/2008 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Celey the pred. made me tearful at times too so that is one of the sideeffects. Hope your doing better and I am glad your so possitive about things .I don't have an answer to the Imuran question but just wanted to let you know I'am thinking of you. lol gail
Posted 6/4/2008 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
HI there
I have been up and down on a rollar coaster ride with the pred and I am now weaning off not planning to go back on it .......have fibro as well and this is not a good mix for me anyways says my doc ..alternate way I guess
..........
I know for me it caused severe mood swings emotional upheavals and crying at the drop of a hat or snapping like a snapping turtle
I have anxiety and Panic as well so it sure fed into that and into my occasional bouts of depression

Anticipatory anxiety is real and so is Health Anxiety...
Many on the A/P forum will attest to that

Yes the pred is good for my CD but not for the Fibro
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place

I really do hope you get occupied to try and keep mind of of "the what ifs"
Not saying it is easy but it is reachable
Cognitive behavioural Therapy has really helped me deal with many of my problems

Take care

LYN
Posted 6/4/2008 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Celey,

This is Kitt and I have a hubby with Crohns. He has had it for 32 years so I know your disease process fairly well and I have Anxiety and Depression so perhaps I can help you.

I would love to see you post about your Health Anxiety on the Anxiety and Panic Forum as I think you would receive a lot of support from the members.

Please remember Peer Support groups are a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical support as well as to exchange information. Don't be afraid to post on the other forums if your issues are with anxiety or depression. You are very welcome there.

People with Health Anxiety fear that bodily symptoms may indicate a serious illness. Many individuals with Health Anxiety express doubt and disbelief in the doctors' diagnosis, When you have a chronic illness like Crohns it is very easy to start worrying about the "what ifs?"

Often Health Anxiety is accompanied by Anticipatory Anxiety.
---- this type of anxiety occurs when you experience high levels of anxiety merely by thinking about a situation or event which you fear. This type of anxiety can often be the most draining as people can be caught in this state for weeks on end, worrying excessively about an event that is a long way in the future.

I would really like to see you consider getting into therapy to deal with your Anxiety and Depression.

One of the most successful therapies is Cognitive Therapy.
Cognitive Therapy is a very effective way of understanding how you think, and therefore feel. Cognitive Therapy helps us to explore our underlying belief patterns that result in negative, irrational and unhealthy thoughts. It then allows us to explore our thoughts and replace them with more useful ones in order to manage our emotions more effectively.

Basically, we can think of our mind as being a suitcase which over time has collected many beliefs, thoughts, memories and past experiences. Some of these thoughts and beliefs are helpful, and some of these thoughts and beliefs are not so helpful and are causing us much discomfort. Cognitive Therapy assists us to examine what we are carrying around in our suitcase, and then helps us to remove that which is causing us difficulties, and replace it with more useful thoughts and beliefs that help us to gain control over our emotions and behaviour.

Please remember, Celey, we are not professionals and cannot take the place of a good therapist. I truly belief you would benefit from one on one counseling. Please talk to your physician about finding a good therapist in your area. There is something comforting about knowing you have that one person who will help you through your issues and is there just for you.

We are your support group and we are here for you. We care and we understand, but most of all we want to see you feeling better.

I have persoanlly gone through therapy and it really made a difference in my life.

Gentle hugs to you my new friend.
Kitt
Posted 6/4/2008 12:53 PM (GMT 0)

Nanners said...
Hey Celey,

(((BIG HUGS))) to you. I wish we all lived closer so we could Mommy you:) I know that Pred really upsets my joints (not as bad as yours), but with Crohns many of us also suffer with inflammatory or osteo-arthritis. Don't know if the Imuran can do that or not, I wasn't on it long enough to suffer with the joint problems, it just made me really nauseous. Many of us see a Rheumatologist for our joint problems, maybe you could get a referral to one and have them do a complete check on your joints and bones. Sure wish I had a magic answer for you, but unfortunately I don't. But I will for sure keep you in my prayers. I will tell you one thing, if a Rheumy does find damage the medications they use are helpful for Crohns too. i.e. Remicade and Humira. Hope you get feeling better soon.

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*

Nanners, you are dead on with the Osteo arthritis part, but I am on Humira now and my joints are achy at times and as well as a bad knee problem.  Humira wont help this kind of arthritis, I read somewhere it is only to help Rhumatoid arthritis...too bad because I was really hope it would be a dual partnership.  My crohns is up and down, but have a shot this Friday. 

Celey...Hope you feel better soon, stress is hard on anyone's body, our is worse.  Hugs too.

Posted 6/4/2008 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Celey,
Just coming over from the IBS board to offer my support during this obviously rough time for you...I hope everyone's responses have been helping you to see that you are not alone and that just having someone to vent to, even online, can work wonders for a person. I hope we can continue to help.

I am a medical student, not yet a doctor, but did want to remind you that all of in the midst of all these tests it is easy to start attempting to tease apart what it all means - what does it mean if my alkaline phosphatase is too low, and should I worry about it? What is an ovarian cyst anyway and why do I have one and should I worry about it? Even though it's hard when all this Internet information is right at your fingertips, I'd like to encourage you to remember that your physicians went through more than 12 years of schooling specifically to learn about what is "normal" and "abnormal," how to piece together all of that information, etc. I remember before I went to med school I used to wonder the same things - what does this "abnormal" piece of information mean for my health, why do my docs seem concerned about one thing and not about another? Now that I'm learning how to put it all together in a coherent way, it is very clear to me that trying to interpret your own test results is a big no-no and usually just results in more headaches and anxiety for the patient!

If your doc tells you about an abnormal test result but doesn't do anything about it, it's not that he's blowing it off - it's more likely he just wants to gather more information and determine how that piece fits into the big jigsaw puzzle of dealing with a chronic illness. Bloodwork abnormalities especially have to be viewed in their right context or will get blown out of proportion. So I would encourage you to simply let your physicians try to interpret and deal with all of those results (that's what you pay 'em the big bucks for, right? :-) ) and in the meantime, try to escape the clutches of those figure-out-your-own-test-results websites and focus on doing what feels good for your body!

Hang in there and keep us posted :)
Posted 6/4/2008 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
It really makes me feel good inside... all of you posting your support, kind words, and advice...

You're absolutely right, Sarita... I should leave it up to the doctors, unburden my mind with such things since, as you said, I'm the patient... and the doctors have gone through so many years of schooling. I guess it's just... disheartening... being unsure about what's going on inside your body. A lot of times, I wish I could just take a look inside myself and see what's going on. I get scared, sometimes, when I have really bad pains in my tummy... just because I can't see what's going on... what's causing it.

The joint pain I've been having... I don't know why it's not as scary as when I'm having tummy pain, but it's still kind of scary, too... especially if I've been standing for a long time like when I'm in the shower (that prednisone must really be doing a number on me side effect-wise... my ankles get to hurting so bad. I'm considering purchasing some kind of seat or something for me to sit down on while I take a shower)... This morning, it felt like someone took a hammer to my knees and smashed them... I could hardly walk... The pain subsided after an hour or so, but man... :(... Wish I could know why this is happening, you know? I mean... What is the prednisone doing that's making me hurt like this but apparently hasn't done any noticeable damage to anything?

I probably really do need to see a therapist... there's an on-campus counselor here. I had been going to see her regularly, but I've stopped lately because I haven't felt well enough to walk to where she's located. She could probably help me with finding a good therapist, too.

I've had counseling before... I didn't take to it very well when I was younger. Hated being prescribed anti-depressants... hated the idea of having my mind altered by some kind of pill. Didn't like the idea of being labelled... I believe I had a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (had a lot of the symptoms... really bad nightmares being one of them)... but I don't have the symptoms of that, anymore. I had gone through a really bad period of depression when I was in middle school and ninth grade...

But I had conquered it myself... without medicine and pretty much without help.

:(... I can't believe I'm going through the same thing again... the depression and anxiety. Starting to lose confidence in myself... I feel.... all mixed up... I know I know how to beat this, but it's like I'm stuck. I don't feel like myself... this is different from what I experienced in middle school...

I've always been such a... peaceful person. I mean... when I was depressed back then, I spent a lot of time crying and feeling torn up inside, but I was never really angry. Just sad. But right now, there is anger, too. A lot of anger and frustration to go with the sadness. It makes me feel so horrible because anger is just one of those emotions that feels so... violent. I'm worried I'm going to say something mean or spiteful to my friend or roommates... A few times, I've come pretty close, but I've managed to be aware of myself enough to stop from saying bad things...

Feel like I'm losing my grip on that, though. I'm definitely more accepting of receiving help, now... I know I need it. Maybe even after I can get tapered off the prednisone (think it's probably the main reason I've felt so out of whack)... because there's a lot of issues that have happened in my life that I've never really worked out. Things that I've just kind of buried and tried to forget about... but crawl up when I'm feeling vulnerable....
Posted 6/4/2008 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Celey I felt a little like you do on the pred. when it came to emotions ans saying stuff as I tapered things got better. If things get too rough on it talk it over with your GI . You sound very knowing of what is going on with you and that is a postive thing. How is school going? lol gail
Posted 6/4/2008 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
Celey, I don't know if this will help, but I had a hard childhood too and thought I was ok, but started having trouble dealing with it once I reached my late teens and early twenties. I read some books to try to understand what was happening to me, and found out that it is very, very common for people who've experienced childhood trauma to start having emotional difficulties once they started to grow up. It's as though the brain is suddenly capable of processing those earlier events from an adult perspective, and you have to work out a new way of living with the trauma. Also, it can be very difficult to be living in a dorm situation, as you're doing there, and realising that you've had a very different set of life experiences to everyone else's. You can start grieving for the life you never had.

Add to that the pred, and the pain, and the illness itself, and you're bound to be finding things hard. Please don't feel that you're a bad person for feeling angry. It is a *normal* human response to any stress or grief. I'll agree that it feels unpleasant and bewildering but it is not your fault that you are feeling this way, and it does not, *not*, mean that you are a bad person.

You said that you were finding it hard to get across campus to your counsellor. Does the CCFA have a phone number you can ring? They might be able to counsel you over the phone, or recommend someone who can come to you, or work out a way to help you get to your counsellor's office.

Hang in there, Celey.

I.
Posted 6/4/2008 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
Just started my summer class... Introduction to Chemistry. I think I'm going to enjoy it, and I didn't miss too much yesterday... *Had to miss class because of that appointment I had yesterday with the ultrasound and everything... I tried to get it scheduled for some time where I wouldn't miss class, but they didn't have anything open...* Had a quiz today... and I did better on it than a lot of the students that had been there, apparently... //@.@\\'...

So... Yay me... :)
Posted 6/4/2008 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Yay Celey! :-)
Posted 6/4/2008 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi My teen took chemistry this year and didn't like it too much. The biology she found more interesting. Hey that is great you did good on the quiz. Are you just taking the one subject for summer class? lol gail
Posted 6/4/2008 11:38 PM (GMT 0)

Celey

Congratulations.............way to go on your first test.  I am proud of you.  You are ging to make it.  Tons of hugs and support.

In friendship
Kitt

Posted 6/4/2008 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, Ivy... I find myself thinking like that, sometimes. The whole 'grieving for the life I never had'... I've gotten jealous, on occasion, but I generally keep it to myself. I know I'm not a bad person... I really feel that I am a very good person...

But I still don't like feeling angry... I feel like... time spent getting frustrated and angry... is wasted time.

I have a prepaid phone... I'd probably spend a lot of minutes getting counseled over the phone, and I need those minutes to make doctor calls and social worker calls and sibling calls and friend calls and whatever else might come up...

I've been getting up and going to class in the morning (only been a couple of days... Classes started June 2nd)... really haven't felt like doing that, but I worked hard to pay for that class (also had some help from a scholarship)... and I really want to do well... so, I've mustered up the energy (had some sharp pains during class today, but I managed to keep from crying out and it wasn't too long before class let out)

Anyway... shouldn't be too much harder to get from my class to the counselor's office...

And yeah, Ga... I'm only taking that one class. It's kind of a two-part class. There's the lecture part... then there's the lab part.

I would like to take more classes, but with the way I'm feeling it probably isn't a good idea. Anyway, I couldn't afford it.
Posted 6/5/2008 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Good on you for even trying, Celey. I'm impressed.
Posted 6/5/2008 12:39 AM (GMT 0)
Don't be too impressed... I'm a... stubborn nerd? When I first started having problems with Crohn's disease, I was in high school. I lived close to the school, so I had to walk to it each day. I just tried to think of it as good exercise (because ordinarily I didn't get any exercise...)

Never liked the idea of missing school (it being my senior year, too... I really wanted to graduate), so I went even when I was in pain. Sometimes, I'd make it the whole day, and no one would be the wiser...

Other times, well... it'd just be very obvious that I wasn't feeling well. I had very nice and caring teachers in my high school... Couple of them would take me home. I've always felt very grateful towards the teachers that I've had... Pretty much the only adults that had ever shown me any respect. I guess I made myself feel guilty if I missed their classes...

Here... There are several incentives for me to go to class. I think the biggest incentive is the fact that I worked hard to pay for the class... and also, I have scholarship money helping me, too. Scholarship money doesn't just grow on trees... I want to continue being deserving of that scholarship... and show that I'm putting the money to good use.

Introduction to Chemistry is an important class... I'm going to take General Chemistry I in the fall. I want to major in Biochemistry... and the reason I want to major in Biochemistry is so that I can make life easier for people who suffer like us. If not a cure or better treatment for Crohn's...

At least a better-tasting alternative chocolate.

I have many reasons for wanting to feel well again... and college is definitely one of the reasons. I don't want this stupid disease to make me miss out. I've been waiting for this my whole life... really. I've dreamt of going to college ever since I was in elementary school...
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