Counseling Anyone?

In the past three days I have been talking with my friends and one said I am angry at this DD, one said I worry too much about things I have no control over, and one made me promise to get into counseling. It is hard living with a chronic illness and add debt, full time job, two small kids, husband in school full time, and a home to take care of, what do they expect. I would love to de-stress, but how? Maybe that's why she wants me to see a counselor. I have noticed I seem to be getting angry and I worry so much I can't sleep. Will a counselor really be able to help me? She said they will give me tools. I see it as more bills. I went to counseling three years ago and all she did was say, a huh, a huh, sounds like you're doing the right thing. Why should I pay for that? I did make an appt for next Tues. I have a lot of stress, but with medical bills continuing to roll in and daily life to take care of this feels like one more thing to do. I know that sounds aweful, but I go to the dr ALL the time. What do you all think? Success stories? I think it will be good to try because I do not want to be angry. I have done so well, but now it seems like I am a hypocondriac until I try and move and I am paralyzed with arthritis pain, and I am in the bathroom 15 times a day with D, and the nausea is so bad I can't eat or move. Any thoughts????

Thanks,

Kgirlie

My wife has rheumatoid arthritis pretty bad, a mild case of ulcerative colitis, asthma, anxiety/depression and a few others. She has been going to counselors for years and it has helped. They are like any other professional though, there are good ones and there are bad ones. You need to find one that "fits" your needs. There are counselors that specialize in chronic illnesses. Make sure that the one you are going to has the background to really help you. In addition there are counselors that not only have the chronic illness experience, but there are also those that can help from a specific religious point of view. Your doctor or pastor may be able to suggest someone who might best fit your needs. Just like you wouldn't go to a podiatrist if you needed glasses, make sure you find a counselor that is right for your specific needs.

I usually try and go with my wife as the stresses she faces, as well as my own, all interplay together and can make life difficult for us as a couple. Counseling is a pretty good option, and can really give you the tools you need to help you cope. It really sounds like you have your hands more than full. We both work full time, we have a very energetic 3 year old, a house to maintain, bills to pay as well as ailing family members. My wife is also taking a lot of courses to keep up on her certifications, and that takes a lot of time. Without the counseling I don't think my wife could cope with all that. So, don't neglect your husband in this, he may be able to attend a few sessions with you and be able to learn get some tools to help you, or help himself and the rest of the family. I know my wifes counselor has taught me more than a few things to help my wife out. Often I can see when she is getting into a situation with depression or anxiety over her diseases before she does, that can allow me to help her get things under control before they start to get beyond her breaking point.

Anger is justified, but with a little help you can get things down to a point where they are easily dealt with. If your friends have noticed, take heed as it is often easier for someone slightly removed from the situation to have a better overall perspective. You obviously have some friends that really care about you and want what is best for you.

I'm biased since I'm getting my doctorate in clinical health psychologist, and work with people with chronic illness :) Yes, it can help. I've seen many people with chronic GI problems over the past 2 years, and most get something out of it. There are a lot of factors that make it successful or not, but the 2 main ones are 1) the therapeutic relationship and 2) the client's motivation. So, if you don't like the therapist you find don't feel obligated to stay with them. Many like for you to try out a few before you settle on 1 to work with and won't be offended at all. The other thing is there are many styles of counseling. I personally use cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is designed to be more brief (usually 3-4 months or so) versus long term. My goal is to help the people I see become their own therapists and learn skills to cope so they don't have to rely on me. When looking for someone, you want to ask their level of experience with chronic illness. Make them be specific (not yeah I've worked with that before). Ask if they have any IBD or GI experience (there are some out there though they are not the norm). Ask what mode of therapy they use (CBT, interpersonal, psychoanalysis, etc.) Many will probably say they use an eclectic approach, which is a blend of different styles. Ask which one they prefer out of their "toolbox". I feel it's really important to get more info up front so you can make a good decision. Kind of like the same you'd do with your doctor :)

If you have more questions, feel free to email me.

I probably wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for me seeking professional counseloring. Not only for helping with my disease issues, but
for my personal family/friend/work issues too. Like anything, its important to find the one that is going to be right for you. I went
through a couple before finding my current one. But I love her to death and couldn't imagine being sane without her!!

Thanks for your kind words. I have an appt for Tuesday and I am going to try and go twice a month. Then I shouldn't stress too much about the money. I am excited, but a new dr is scary. It will be good though because I am gearing up to go back to work in three weeks and then I won't have my potty right by me. I am filing under ADA so I can get frequent bathroom breaks. I am a teacher, so it is sometimes hard to sneak away. I teach special education so I have an aide with me most of the day. I think counseling will be good for me and my family. I know I am a little on the cranky side. I will let everyone know how it goes. Betagirl- thanks for the advice on what to ask. I don't know why I think I have to be loyal to someone I don't know. I have learned, the hard way, that I need someone who is familiar with chronic illnesses.

Thanks,

kgirlie