Small trip with Crohn's

My wife saw I was going stir crazy cooped up in the house so we went on a little trip. I did OK . Back is mostly just very stiff right now. All was OK until we did some shoping at Cabelas. Its a new store down here and we had a good time. Well, I had to do the mens room thing before the ride home and the new toilets there are the self flushing type. With my back stiff, I have to lean to the side to do the paperwork. That lets enough light to the eye of the flushing device to make it flush. Well, the maker of this toilet must not have known how much water pressure there would be there or he would have dubbed the device , the combination toilet and fanny washer. Each time I tried to wipe I got a good splashing up my backside and the water was ,,,cooooooold. The clean up job became sort of a ballet,,da da da da da,, flush flush,,flush flush..You know the tune. I'm sure the other guys in the restroom were wondering what the heck was going on in that stall. I did manage to get dryed off , with lots and lots of TP. I am now thinking I need to carry a black hankie to cover the electric eye of any self flush toilet I have the luck to incounter in the future. Let this be a warning to you to beware of self flushers, less you get a free wazoo wash.....

Haha you didn't like your biday (sp?)? I know, truth be told, I hate those things at times too. Sometimes they come in handy, when you know alot of noise is going to occur, you can push the button and block out the noise some:) I have to tell you Sniper, your adventures, do make me laugh. I think you have the worst luck sometimes.

Sheesh, lucky we dont have those type of toilets in Australia - yet.
Cant say I would much like them either.
Jo

lol, i was i was just thinking of getting a biday (sp) for the reason that i'm getting caluses on my backside from wiping.

I can see how unheated bidets and poison ivy leaves could both be construed as rash ideas. I think that they could even be considered "fundamentally unsound"... Although it might be the sort of thing that would catch on as a TV show in Japan.

I think I know the answer to that, Sniper. From all that I see, as a nation the Japanese are like those Alpha Male types that you get in the armed forces, (dare I say it, the ones in special forces units in particular) - they have no Off switch. Add to that a culture where being willing to "go that extra mile" is considered the peak of social status, and you end up with a lunatic situation where otherwise sensible people will make fools of themselves to demonstrate how "good" they are...
Of course, in Japan, you would never just say "No, what kind of fool do you take me for ? !" because it would be not the done thing... even the rebels in Japan have a behavioural code ! And in the US, I daresay the rewards offered are great enough that people are willing to be that stupid just to get ahead of the rat race ?
Us Brits of course, being into service industries that don't actually physically DO anything, have an entertainment industry that does not spend money on doing these things, but rather just makes TV programmes using clips from these awful foreign shows - and so we secretly congratulate ourselves on not being foolish enough to go in for that trash. Thus demonstrating another sort of moral and contextual blindness.
Now, if only we could link up Healingwell with the laundry detergent manufacturers, I think we could have a win/win situation where funding would dramatically rise and shorts dramatically fall...
How d'ya feel about being a TV star in your dotage ?

"I have too much self respect to get rich"
Aah, so that's what is holding me back. And here was me thinking that pride and poverty were two different things...actually come to think of it, they probably aren't in the UK...genteel means gracefully poverty stricken, right ?
So I take it you have discovered Rodney and Del Boy in "Only Fools and Horses" ? Now there's a source of endorphins that owe nothing to a needle ! Or are you a Blackadder fan, like I believe some others here are ? (Go on, admit it - you are Baldric with a beard.... )

ya know, when i saw the title of this post, i thought maybe you'd tripped and hurt yourself again. but after reading it, i think i now know what happened. you see, we have a small statue of st francis (my wife loves birds) outside the front door. over the weekend, we had some melting and the large saucer pan that st francis is holding (which is usually full of grains in the summertime) was full of melted snow (that's water to those in warmer climes.............sniper? you with me?). well, as luck would have it, saturday it started getting colder and the wind was howling. when i went out sunday morning to get the paper, there was that sniper voodoo doll sitting frozen in st francis' pan. coincidence?................................maybe he 'tripped' and fell into the cold water 'pot'

vv

ps: i can't get over the fact that you of all people spelled bidet correctly......................

oh yeah, do you s'pose it is significant that st francis was wearing a cabela's tshirt? i don't think he'd wear a hunting vest.

sno, i was uncontrollably rof**** to your 'many moons' post. ok, every post.............

Post Edited (vietvet) : 1/26/2009 2:43:31 PM (GMT-7)

sniper refering to an above post... PLEASE tell us that your clothes you have now will last untill you "get skinny"! a naked dude working on sewers and taking short trips we do not need to see. ;0)

DITTO gachrons!

Self flushing toilets.....yet another good use for duck tape! Yeah, I'm from redneck country...what of it! If the duck tape don't work...I'm for getting the shotgun out of the truck. Hmmm, that'll teach 'em to give us crohnnies an inadequate toilet after the fact wouldn't it! They don't call us Bubba(s) for nothin'!

VV now your even lying about Voo Doo dolls in front of saints,, Best enjoy that cold climate while you can. All that shoveling is going to come in handy in Old Gooseberry's boiler room too. By the way, you forwarded me an e mail with every word in it misspelled and now you talk about bidet being spelled right. Truth is I could spell it bedit or biedt and its all the same . When it comes to Mr. Bean, the only way I like him is with a first name of Jim and served on the rocks. I use to spend a few nights with the old folks too,,Old Taylor, Old Panther, Old Crow. Now thats Southern Comfort.
Rando, not to worry, no flash in the pan here,, I have plenty of cloths to progress down into. All left over from the pred progression up. So far I've lost about 10 lbs. trouble is I lose 3 gain 2 lose 2 gain 1. Almost as bad as VV shoveling in a snow storm.
Ladies, next time VV opens his mouth about a VooDoo Doll ,,I have a great use for your duck tape...

Just a warning if you ever head up to Ohio, all of the "service stations" alond I-80 have the automatic flushers except for the first and last ones, they never bothered remodeling those ones. But I wouldn't reccomend trying to "make it" across the state just using the first and last, it's a looooong drive.

Sniper,

    Now the whole picture becomes clear! You were probably hanging out with Jim and the old folks when you encountered a bidet, and became confused. Any Crohnie knows a stream of cold water would be a welcome relief. Poor Mrs. Sniper Claus was most likely in reality sitting at home worried sick about you the whole time. They have a great bit on the proper use of the bidet on this site.

http://www.bidetoo.com/how-to-use-a-bidet/

 If you see it in print, it may help you remember when you are looking at one through the band of old Gents.

   Does Mrs. Sniper know that when you wear out, or out grow your clothes, you have a selection of loin cloths to replace them? I know we live in great climates and all, but cloths? Will you be starting a trend, or do they wear these on Bourbon Street now? Maybe not, any old folk on Bourbon Street could use a bidet, what ever their state of mind.

   This thread has gone straight down the toilet, like all the rest. This one did not have far to go, it all started there, in a drunken stupor  er dream. As for Old Gooseberry's place, after this thread, I may see you all there.