dating with Crohn's

Diseases do make us think we are unlovable, but we are lovable!

I met my husband in the PRIME of my thyroid condition. I had gained massive weight, somehow he still found me attractive and I just kept getting more and more symptoms over the months/years and sicker. But he ended up marrying me. Now it's mostly under control (thank goodness, but you never know when I can swing hyper or hypo again and have to work on it again). I had like 1/3 of my hair fall out and all sorts of things like asthma, anxiety and you name it. I guess I knew he was the one when he's seen me at my worst.

My aunt has Crohn's pretty bad and has for years and she is married and he's still very much in love w/her. My mom has all sorts of things and my step dad looked past it all and they've been together for a long time. I have an old friend who had a bit of cerebral palsy on one side, that didn't stop her from dating and getting out there!

I think women are much more understanding about these things then men are, JMHO.  Be upfront with her.  If she isn't ok with it, then you will know not to waste your time.  And don't feel down on yourself if you meet a couple that don't work out, some people just don't have the strength, courage, or patience to be with someone who is sick.

Chico41 I wishyou the best of luck in your new life. Don't get too freaked out because it will add to your stress and we all know what effect stress can have on us!! There are lots of great people out there and the ones that cannot accept you for what you are are better off kicked to the curb. I have been dating a wonderful guy for about 8 years now. I had symptoms of IBS(which I now know was mild crohns) the entire time and I remember the first time we went on vacation together I was so afraid because I had not told him about my 'issues'. Like for the first hour in the morning the bathroom must be mine!! :) Well I talked to him and it was so a non issue. We all have our quirks and issues and I believe you can find someone just like that. He has stuck by me through a lot.

I think people take their cues from you for the most part. If you are very down about your illness, and can't think of yourself outside the label of crohn's, then, I think, neither will the people you date. On the other hand, if you tell them that you have Crohn's, it's just something you deal with, and that you have other interests outside of it, and you are upbeat and positive, that they will be ok with it, and slowly over time, get used to the problems that come with Crohn's.

So, keep it light, and hopefully people will respond to that. I wish you good luck and good hunting! And I do think you should expect some people to run a mile, but I think those are not going to be the norm.

PV

When I met my husband, he had (and will always have) Ankylosing Spondylitis. He was a physical wreck. His posture is terrible - can't stand up straight because of the disease. His arthritis flares constantly and he's about due for his third hip replacement. I didn't have to think twice about moving forward with our relationship because I loved him despite his disease. When I was diagnosed with Crohn's last year, my biggest fear was that he'd no longer be attracted to me. Turns out he still loves me despite my disease and isn't bothered by the fact that I have extremely embarrassing moments in public or that I sometimes spend entire days on the pot. We make a good pair, let me tell ya.

Like Nanners said, there will be someone out there for you. And like PV said, keep it light.  I believe there are support groups that meet locally - consider going. You never know....you may meet a wonderful woman who can relate completely. You'll find the right person. I wish you luck!!

Just know that everyone you date will have something wrong with them too. They might not come out and tell you and hell they might not even know they have it themselves, but everyone has something :)

**Disclaimer...don't ask on the first date what is wrong with them(never works for me) lol.

I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary with a men I met in my late 30s. I had one surgery in each of the three years we dated (seton, back, gallbladder). On our first date, he made me dinner. I let him "accidentally" see all the pills I take with meals. He was cool with it and even asked me good questions.

A person who knows what you have will react well if you take it in stride I found. I think looking for someone who accepts you for who you are is easier when you get older....I know dating got a lot easier when I was older and more accepting of my life with CD.