I will try to keep my rant to a minimum, but I am overwhelmed.
Yesterday it took 2 hours to get to orientation.
I was about
15 minutes late, but it was ok. Orientation lasted 8 hours, then it took 1 1/2 hours to get home. I slept for 8 hours, got up and left 30 minutes earlier, and today my drive there was only an hour. Today lasted until 4, and my drive only took 45 minutes to get home. Tomorrow I have to drive (15 miles further and on a different, busier route) and will train for 8 hours, then fight traffic getting home. Thursday and Friday will be the same. Things are fine once I'm wherever I am for orientation/training. Some things are actually interesting and engaging. I look forward to actually doing my job and interacting with patients and doing xrays again.
My anxiety driving is very high. I have taken klonipin each time I've driven so I haven't had a panic attack, but thinking about
my schedule makes me want to cry.
On top of that, I started my period Sunday night. I hadn't had one in 3 months, so this one has been rough. Keep in mind I'm on aspirin so they are worse than before I had the clots happen. I have NEVER felt this much cramping in my life associated with my period. It actually woke me up Sunday night from sleeping. Today it hurt to sit and relax muscles just to pee. (sorry if this is TMI) Hopefully tomorrow will be better, because I can't stand much more.
I'm just about
at my limit. My mind is overwhelmed with new information, emotionally I'm spent from driving, and physically I'm tired.
I pulled out my scrubs, and none of them fit. I've gained 10 pounds since working. (Oh, and I feel fat too-another emotion that's stressing me)
Once I make it through the next 3 days, things will get easier.
Thanks for listening, and thanks for asking about
me. I'm trying to be positive, thinking I can do it, I can do it, things will get easier, I'll get used to commuting. Please say a prayer I can do it!
I think I can....I think I can...I think I can...