Hello,
I hope everyone is surviving the day!
I was wondering does anyone change mood swings so rapidly throughout the day. Yesterday in the matter of 4-6 hrs I felt happy-guilty-and sad. I went to the David Letterman show (which was AWESOME!) ( made me happy) but I was holding in my bowels for the taping (they don't allow you to use the bathrooms)=(... So, I get to a bathroom at McDonalds and i'm doing my thing. But, I hear some ignorant teenager complaining about me using the bathroom (number two). I mean I take long but I'm considerate I have a spray I take for the odors. But, these bathrooms are crappy anyway. Point is ...I was with my sister and I refuse to cry infront of her once again from this little girls hurtful comments, which remind me or my ignorant uncle's comments. Every week this man comes up with a new idea of why crohn's exists instead of educating himself. His most recent theory was that I'm too fat and my body is forcing me to get rid of it hence the frequencies, urgencies, and puking =/ Now, I always had a weight problem but honestly I think If I wasn't over the phone. I'd slap him in his face.. GARRRRRR....
So I wrote a poem. This is for all of us who go through the countless pills, numerous infusions, blood tests, testings in general, and those who have associated problems (anemia), for those who can't seem to ease the pain physically or emotionally. For those who try to make it through the day even if it's just to say you did it.
TO US I SAY, TO US!
Hear those snide remarks down the bathroom hall.
Flush flush accompanies their disgusted faces.
Look down just to see the white cotton of a pad turned brown.
Tears shed on to my thigh.
Ahhhhh it hits real hard. Ahhhhh it strikes again.
Someone takes a bat to my stomach, who hates me enough to punch me over and over again.
I grab the wall only to notice the bruises along my arm... Purple, blue, yellow, purple, blue, yellow create a road from where those tiny wholes guide them.
How Did this happen? Where was I ?
It didn't seem so bad until my heart got broken, stripped of my pride.
They judge me and I know I shouldn't care.
But, I hear them everywhere I go I feel them When they stare.
Down the stairs to the basement next to the cleaning crew.
I find myself here once again a lone with the silver chair.
The electric chair.
The necessity of it's cold touch just to know something is behind me catching it when it falls.
It's over now until we meet again cold friend.
Ahhhhh my chest, heart stay in. I need you now.
Please don't give in, I can't seem to breathe now.
Hands stop shaking let's work together now.
Legs start moving we need to go now.
Eyes stop crying they aren't betraying you, they're just tired for the meanwhile.
Why are they always tired mind? Why have they given up on me ?
Don't fear you'll find each other once
again and when that days comes those whispers will stop, the flushing will go away and the cold will turn to warmth.
Don't fear you'll find yourself once again.