Sad today

Sniper, it is human to feel hurt. With everything you are going through and have experienced, I would be more concerned if you did not react the way you are. Pondering life's questions and hurdles is one way of progression within one's life. I am not sure if you are a religious person but I truly believe that God does not give us trials that we are not strong enough to handle. Despite us not always recognizing our inner strengths and courage, I believe that he knows all of our qualities and potential. When I am burdened with trials and life experiences that I can not understand and feel suffocated with pressure, I fall back on the knowledge that I must be extremely strong to be given this. I see others like your wife and her battle against cancer and even though I do not know her, I look up to her and the strength that she has.
There is a lesson in everything and it may be years before you can full comprehend everything you have learned and gained through the sorrow and hurt. I know that you recently lost a great friend and I can relate to that. When I was 17 years old, I lost my best friend in the world. He was taken while driving to his hunting spot hunting grouse. He was the one that I looked up to since elementary and I thought was undefeatable. His personality, atheltic abilities, and friendship he showed me made me try to be like him. He was my best friend and role model. Then one saturday morning, he was gone. The hurt was unlike anything that I could even describe and for a whole year I felt like I was living in a haze. I could not understand why someone who had so much to offer to the world and was so young had to be taken so early. We had so many plans for life and how our kids would be bestfriends too. Now all of that was gone and I could not pick up the phone and call him to hang out anymore. I felt dead inside. It was at this moment that I had a talk with my bishop(religious leader of my local area) about life and why we are here and where we are going. I am not going to preach to you and tell you everything that I believe but I will tell you that day changed my life forever. He shared with me that this life is but a moment in the whole eternity and was a chance for us to prepare ourselves with knowledge and faith inorder to return to our Heavenly Father. My friend had done what he needed to do here and he had work to do on the other side.I know with every fiber of my being that I will see him again. It was this day that I began to prepare myself spiritually to become a missionary for my faith.
I hope that I do not come off as preachy or offensive to those that do not believe in God. I just want you to know that things are hard now but they will be better in time. I too am saddened when I hear of the hurt that you and your amazing spouse are going through. Both of you show me courage that make me want to continue my own battle and humble me. I envy that you are able to so easily take a walk at night in the woods. (It is snowing here and about 15 degrees outside ) Please stay positive and continue to see the good in every situation. You have overcome a lot in your life and beat the odds more than once. You served our country honorably and are a hero. Please remember those trials that you have already overcome and use those memories as strength to battle your current trials. I am proud of you friend and look up to you in so many ways. Your quotes have brought smiles to my face more times than you will ever know. I am proud to know you and call you friend.

Post Edited (tsitodawg) : 12/18/2010 1:56:24 AM (GMT-7)

(((((((((((((((((((((((Sniper))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I was just thinking the same thing earlier today. I have no spouse, no children, very little support system, few friends due to the isolation of this darn disease (when in the past it was hard to go anywhere without knowing someone), not a whole lot of hope that life will get better.
I think part of it is the time of year, and they are feeding the cattle more about a half mile north of me so there is a strong smell of poop in the air..
But you are not alone in these feelings, but I hope this dark night of the soul passes for you.
Hugs,
Navy

me too I used to walk in the darkness sometimes, and share similar thoughts; I'm not in the autumn of my life (or supposed not to be) but I feel as I'd be; every new year I tend to think it's the last and sometimes I catch myself thinking I'd be happy with the evenience; I don't know if you are religious but I feel as I miss that, the faith is something confortable I never had and I tried to have but always I feel as I'm kidding with myself. I think the loneliness play a great role in our depression, am sure if I hade some good friends to share the worse times perhaps I'd feel better, but I ignored this fact for many years and now it's difficult if not impossible to take again some good habit. see your wife is suffering and you are suffering for her, you know I think everyday about the health of the few are supporting me and I'm so afraid they will turn sick a day, it's like they already are for me, not to mention the absolute certainty and terror I've just begun to die suffering. I live with the fear and can't sustain it anymore. I don't know what to say, I can't advice nothing but wanted to share my fears and sadness with you.

Biggest hugs ever to you Sniper & Cami!! I think I have to agree that some of the sadness is the time of the year. I started off this season feeling bright and cheery and full of Christmas spirit, then one unkind word from someone who is supposed to love you have made me anxious for Christmas to be over. I don't tell you that to make you feel bad for me, but to let you know you are not alone. None of us are, because there is one thing each of us can count on, and that is the friendships we have made here at Healingwell. May comfort and love be felt by all who visit our forums. I wish a peaceful day for you my friend(s). Hugs!

Sniper, I am so sorry it has been such a painful time for you. I lost my parents at a young age and my first husband. There were many dark days that I didn't think I could get through. I feel I've been graced with friends to get me through these times. For me, it's not good to get too isolated by myself or alone when times are tough. Too much time to think. I've had trouble with bad dreams too and found they got better on the right antidepressant. Sometimes I think I have PTSD from all the losses and problems I've had in my life. One thing I can say is that it has made me a kinder person who cares about others.
I hope you have a wonderful day today with your wife. Enjoy every second. Thoughts prayers and a big hug to you!!

Sending you hugs Sniper, and sorry that you are going through so much. This may sound like I am minimizing (and I really don't want to, because I can see the depths of your pain from what you wrote) but I really believe in the "ebb and flow" of life. There are sometimes long painful periods, but when you look back over your life it always ebbs and flows. Right now sound like a serious ebb, but I have faith it will pass for you - hang on tight until you can catch the next wave!
I have also benefited from your kind words on here and you have helped so many of us. Sending you wishes of hope and peace and for the "flow" of life to happen sooner than later!!

Oh Sniper, I have no words, just a great surge of deep feeling for you, me, Navy and everyone else
that has slipped into the darkness right now. We will pull through, even just for a little while> Why, because
there are some many that care for us!! ((((hugs))))

Sniper, When I joined this forum a few months ago, I was down and out. No kids, my husband recently passed away, and after 25 years of being misdiagnosed, I was told I had crohn's. I remember finding this forum and one of the first threads I found was yours. It was about the naming of reading materials with some good ole crohn's potty humor. I laughed and laughed and added a few of my own to yours, and have felt a part of this forum ever since. I know how you feel as I've travelled with you through those dark woods. But I know that you brought out some laughter in me. And so I put up a Christmas tree this year to remember all the great ones I had with my husband. And your laughter is stored up inside you and will come out again. To everything...there is a season. Thank you for my laughter and for helping me want to light my tree.

My pennie's worth.....thanks for being a friend on here and bringing your humor along helping me see a bit brighter side to things.

I understand losing the friend not making things any better.  It's been 5 years already since my friend, as much or more of a soul-mate as either of my wives (shhhh, don't tell them) and it still hurts at a time like this.  Buttttttt......the dealing does get easier as the time passes as much as I hate that cliche'.  Just know that I have already seen in you that you have the strength, fortitude and wisdom to pull out of the funk.

Any time, Sniper, any time. Here's an extra (((hug))) to go along w/the beautiful sunrise.

So sorry Sniper...I will be praying for you. I had to have my celexa upped in Nov because of "life". You are strong enough! Hold tight!

Hi Santa, I've been good all year.  Can I have a hot wheels, a xbox 360, oh and what I really really want is a new small intestine.  I will leave you extra cookies and tolerable drink of your choice for that!  LOL   Feell better dude!