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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 12/18/2011 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
I'm tired of friends and family telling me what I should and should not do. What medicines I should and shouldn't take, what home remedies I should try, etc. But I've gotten used to it. I usually just nod and agree with whatever they're saying because I know they're just trying to help. But, my dad is aggresive and loud and tries to tell me what I should do. Mind you I am 19 years old so I go to the GI by myself, I speak to my pharmacist for the Humira Injections, so I make my own decisions.My dad tells me I need to stop taking that poison( all my medicine) and go natural. He says taking medcine is the easy way of getting out of the situation(Crohn's). Then there is the blaming aspect, which I've written about before. He says it's my fault I got Crohn's and when I tell him not to talk to me about Crohn's and my medicine anymore. He says well, now this has become taboo, I can't talk about serious topics that need to be spoken about. I have tried to explain it to him and that it's my body and the medicine helps me stay in remission, I've tried to explain everything but he keeps saying the same things, everything I say goes in through one ear out the other. Oh well, I may have to invest in a good pair of ear plugs. rolleyes That's it for my vent. Thanks for listening
Posted 12/18/2011 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
I remember your previous post about how he said it was all your fault. His "poison" and "go natural" comments sound like my father! However, I am 20 years older than you and have years of experience tuning him out. I actually pretend to listen because in the end I have to listen to him LESS than if I tell him how his crazy remedy is not going to help me.

Not that you'd want him to go to the doctor with you - but is he the kind of person who would listen to/believe your doctor? Or would he just try to tell the doctor that he's pushing all of that "poison" on you? Maybe someone's opinion with more "experience" and education would hold more weight for him? Oh well - you have nothing to prove. I just wondered if that would help him to chill out a bit. It wouldn't work for my dad - he's as paranoid as they come when it comes to the medical field.

I'm sorry that your dad is being so pushy. 1) It's probably part of his personality and 2)He's spent most of his life thinking he knows what is best for you. Now you have something to deal with that he isn't fully informed on and he's still taking the "dad knows best" role instead of letting you lead. I'm sure he means well. Try to hang in there and yes - I think ear plugs sound GREAT!
Posted 12/18/2011 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
oh Lovely,
That sounds so terribly frustrating to say the least! Even harder when it is coming from a parent. I have a family member who thinks I just need to naturally balance my degestive system - so when I visit she puts things in foods without telling me in order to be "helpful" - like a bunch of ground flax in my pancakes on christmas day last year which had my guts going after! I have also been told to "try the raw food diet" by others - imagine how quickly that would land me in ER!!
Sending you lots of love and support - remember that your other Crohnies completely understand and that eventually our relationships with our parents shift - hopefully he will either stop one day (unlikely) or you will need to keep setting your boundaries and tell him it is not okay for you for him to keep talking like that - or, with a lot of practice, tune him out!
I used to get into quite the frustrating conversations with my father for years (not over crohns but over every other thing in life - he always would need to lecture and be "right") until I learned to just let him go ahead and say his peace and then I would just laugh at him in my head and even make a few comments back to him in my head. Suddenly his rants were shorter because no one can keep arguing with someone who doesn't argue back. I wouldn't "agree" with him, I just wouldn't really respond or say "oh, that is interesting" and then do what I wanted anyway - worth a shot!
If all else fails, we should get a group of 12 crohnies together and do a "crohns education intervention" on your dad smilewinkgrin

hugs!
Posted 12/18/2011 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
You are not alone! I think we all have to listen to that crap from friends and family. If they do not have the disease themselves, then they are never going to really understand what we have to deal with daily or what it REALLY takes to control this disease. Hugs!
Posted 12/18/2011 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
Many of us have gone through and go through this....luckily for me I don't get harped on by my friends and family and when any of them shared their opinions with me, they were gentle about it making sure not to come off condescending but instead making some suggestions. For me it was clear they were asking and suggesting out of love and concern. Some people get resentful when their loved one is sick and/or frustrated and that can make for a lousy attitude towards the ill person.
Posted 12/18/2011 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry you're dealing with this. I am in the same boat. I don't tell many people because I don't want to hear it but the few people who know give me enough crap for a lifetime. I always have them telling me I need to read self-help books on how to manage anxiety and stress, I need to change my diet... The worst was when I gained a lot of weight from prednisone and they were giving me fitness advice. People are so inconsiderate and they have no clue what we go through. Sometimes you have to be a bit curt with them, say, thanks for the opinion, don't you think I've tried that? They may get a bit insulted but at least maybe they will stop making suggestions about things they know nothing about.

I hope you can move out soon. I don't tell my parents about my illness because I don't want them making it the central focus of their lives. Plus they will use my illness as an excuse for everything. It sounds like you need to get out on your own and cut dad off if he is going to act pigheaded. No respect, no relationship.
Posted 12/18/2011 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Heck, I finally split from my family back in 1992 because of something like this. Besides being an untrustworthy, shifty person, my step father always thought he knew better than everyone..
To this day, I generally keep silent about my CD unless the person NEEDS to know. Or if they are nearby when there is a problem ( and become NEED TO KNOW). That includes most of my family. The only ones I think NEED to know about it are my Manager & supervisor at work: my doctors, and my Pharmacists. Also my Mom & my Aunt know. No one else. Aside from the people here, that is :).
Saves a lot of grief.

Matthew
Posted 12/18/2011 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
Yea, it's bad enough to have crohn's and then to have to put up with a know-it-all is too much. I bet the motivation behind your father's behavior is fear and anxiety for you. That explains his behavior, it doesn't excuse it. People do what they need to do to function and get well. What works for them. When you get this sick, you don't know what you'll do to get well. Heck, people eat worms for crying out loud. It's easy for someone to say when they are healthy and have not walked in your shoes. It's sad but you can't expect to change other people's thoughts and behaviors. I hope it gets better for you and I am sorry you had to go through this.
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