Pity Party

I've just had enough. The last couple of days my joint pain has been pretty bad. I'm so tired of being in constant pain even if it's low level pain. I'm tired of my GI telling me that I don't have a lot of options left. I'm tired of just sucking it up.

I saw my naturopath on Thursday and she wants me to eliminate a a few more foods for a month. I've been dairy free since the summer, and more or less gluten free, but I'm tired of just not being able to eat whatever I want. Somehow also cutting out sugar, and rice and eggs and being vigilantly gluten free has just sent me over the edge. I'm just tired of all the effort that now goes into making my meals. I know it will help me to listen to her and do this, but I'm exhausted and in pain, and I'm tired of spending the amount of energy I spend figuring out what I can eat, and how I can make sure I have food with me or where I can find food.

I just want an easy pain free life where I don't worry everytime more hair comes out when I brush my hair or I see a new spot of dry skin shows up, or every time my knee pain and fatigue gets worse that I'm developing the medicine induced lupus that I got last year.

How do you get past being tired and do what needs to be done?

 

I think the heart of the matter is that I'm scared that the cimzia isn't as effective as it could be, and is causing my joint pain. MTX is the only drug I haven't tried. So it's worrisome being at the proverbial end of the line. And it gets tiring being the human guinea pig. If medicines were working better for me, then I wouldn't be going to the lengths I'm going with my diet. And now I wonder if all the hard work I'm doing is really just going to counteract the cimzia.

Dawg, I have actually seen benefit by giving up dairy. I have intense joint pain 20 minutes after eating milk or yogurt. I've not seen as clear cut evidence with gluten, and so I figure even though I'm whiny about it it's worth another shot and we'll see what happens.

I do actually feel better when I take the time to prepare healthy things to eat for myself. It's tough sometimes being on your own, and having to do all the work yourself. And when I'm in constant pain, it just gets harder and harder to keep up with everything. I don't have time during the week to cook, so if I don't do it all on the weekend, then it's hard to eat well. And when it's a really busy week, it would just be nice to flop all weekend.

It's hard to say if my little meltdown is even really related to food. My joint pain just spiked the last few days, and it's something that just really freaks me out, and it really bothers me that I don't have a good solution for managing the pain. I really believe that my immune system is just constantly looking for something to attack, so if my gut settles down then it strikes my joints. I believe that diet can have an impact on calming my immune system. I don't know how much of an impact, but I think it can help.

Somewhere I just have to muster the courage to keep trying. Just like if the cimzia isn't really working, I'll have to muster the courage to try mtx, and not worry about what happens if I run out of options.

Thanks for listening. It helps immensely to vent and share my fears, and know that others experience similar things.