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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 5/8/2013 11:49 PM (GMT 0)
I'm angry,.
Angry that things turned it the way they did.
I'm angry that I have to take so many medications, at age 26 I had to receive a permanent colostomy bag, that I was unable to care for the one child I have, for the several hospitalizations, for not working, for the inability to have sex without severe pain, for losing my bf of 8 years because I had to have a hysterectomy and couldn't give him the biological children he so desires, I am just angry.
I don't feel sorry for myself, I want to fight, there is the burning desire to make things right but can I handle the stress?
I'm fighting for my daughter in court to have her full time again, I'm breaking up with my bf, I am buying my first house but do not have any cash to do it with and things are uncomfortable living with your ex bf. I am trying to date but so terrified that sex will come up and I'll have to explain the colostomy bag.
Life is short and it is slipping by me.
What to do?
Where to start?
What should I do?
Help me out here my healing well friends, what would you do?
Posted 5/9/2013 12:34 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know what all I can say. I know for me, faith has helped me through a lot (not trying to push it, promise, just saying). (((hugs))) I hope things get better for you.
Posted 5/9/2013 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
Lasardo, i am angry sometimes, too, and i think that is totally normal for people with chronic illnesses. None of us knowingly did anything to deserve this yet we are still suck. The only thing that helps me is to think of everything that is good in my life and what im thankful for. Be happy you wake up each day because its not a guarantee.
Posted 5/9/2013 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
(((Hugs))). I realized yesterday that looking back over the past 5 years since my husband was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, the ONLY things that stand out in my head are the hospitalizations, the ER visits, the numerous health scares, the ongoing fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop etc. I made myself an appointment with a psychologist to get some therapy and also start some anti depressant medication, because I think I have post traumatic stress disorder that is health related.

I too feel like I've lost the last 5 years of my life; that all I have to show for it is enduring suffering. I spend so many of my days worrying about and planning for the next health catastrophe.

You have been through some really trying times, and it is very daunting and despairing to think that you will face this for all the rest of your days. Please consider anti depressant therapy to help you cope, if you aren't on one, and maybe consider switching to some other med if the one you are on is not helping enough.

The only advice I have is one that I am trying really hard to follow myself (with sporadic success). Take it one moment at a time, one day at a time. Make plans, but keep the focus on right now; stay in this moment, don't let your mind wander. I walk around with a rubber band around my wrist and snap it whenever I feel my mind walking into landlines of thought.

Also, get plenty of sleep - even if you need a Xanax to forget your worries to get to sleep, get plenty of rest. This will help your health both mind and body.

So do the best you can in each moment, and the rest is beyond your control, so try not to worry about it. Man proposes, God disposes - so accept and live in each moment, and do the best you can each moment. That's all any of us can do.

(((Hugs)))

PV
Posted 5/9/2013 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
Anger isn't always such a bad thing. Start worrying when you don't care about anything anymore, anger means you still have some fight left in you, and we need all the fight we have!
It seems daunting when you feel like you're starting out again, I lost all my friends long term boyfriend I lost university and jobs and had to face moving back in with my parents who then travelled across the world and I left everything and everyone I knew behind, it was scary and being sick when you feel so alone is scary. But you're not alone and starting again can be refreshing and liberating. You will soon find yourself enjoying the smaller things in life right now you dont need a partner to appreciate those things but when you do find someone, to appreciate those things with you, if they don't support you and make you feel good they don't deserve you. This disease does not define you as a person. It may be a huge part of you, but there a million things that makes us who we are and this is just one of them
Stay strong and keep fighting.
Posted 5/9/2013 11:04 AM (GMT 0)
I think I was the angriest I've been with this last flare. It is not because this is the sickest I've been, but maybe the opposite. I was doing great...exercising 3-4 times a week, working, seeing friends and enjoying my life. I felt like I got robbed when I went back into a flare and got sick all over again. I agree with novice...I use the anger to give me energy to get assertive with my doctors and demand care. I know flares are part of this evil disease, but I lose my patience sometimes. The mindfulness techniques of trying to stay in the moment and enjoy whatever you can, along with trying to distract yourself really helps. If you BF wasn't supportive, you are far better off without him! I hope you get to feeling better soon.
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