Alternate Universe You

You guys ever think about who you would be if you never got Crohn's?

It's been on my mind a lot the last few weeks. My disease presented at 16. That age, you really grow a lot as a person. And I'm pretty sure Crohn's altered that growth, like a fence post put too close to a tree. The tree engulfs the post just fine, but the tree isn't the same as it would have been. You can't really tell if it's worse or not, though, because you'll never know what the tree was supposed to be like.

I'm pretty sure alternate me has a better life in many ways, but I'm not so sure about the kind of person he is. I'm not sure he'd even be recognizably me inside. I like to think he's a jerk. Maybe then it'll have been worth it.

No, I never thought about this before. However, I got sick at 18 and then had a very rough set of years after- some from Crohn’s, but mostly from a pancreatic tumor, the surgery to remove it, and the subsequent horror show of infection I developed. Regardless, I think that any alt universe that has someone like me in it that doesn’t have CD isn’t really me. My personality and this disease are inextricably tied. I learned too much about myself, others, and the world in general because of my battle with chronic illness. If you offered me a cure today, I would take it in a heartbeat. If you offered me to have never had had this disease at all…I’m not sure I would say yes at all, let alone in a heartbeat.

Oh Bane, you were diagnosed very young! Your imagery of the fence post and the tree was well written. Is poetry or writing in your future?? I'm so sorry for all you have lost from this awful disease!

I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my 40's, so my personality was already formed. I can imagine how much harder it is to be diagnosed so young while you are forming your life. I do agree with Pb4 that I was a nice enough person before I got sick....I don't think my illness brought me more empathy or patience, or anything particularly good...I would much rather have not gotten sick;-) But my father often says that we have to play the hand we are dealt in life. I hope you will find many experiences that give you meaning, comfort and purpose.