Significant Other/Spouse Seeking Comfort

My boyfriend and I started dating about 2 months before he was diagnosed with Crohn's. He's been dealing with a flare-up for almost a year and a half now, and both humira and 6mp have been ineffective. Yesterday, we went to the surgeon and he's now getting scheduled to have a small bowel resection (about 8 inches) within a few weeks.

I thought that the surgery would be good news, but for the past few days I have been extremely emotional and clingy. I'm scared about the surgery, but more than that, I just feel scared for him and us. I can't stand to see him in pain, and I miss the relationship we've had during his better times: I miss having an intimate relationship, doing fun things together, and being able to touch him without seeing him grimace in pain. How do other caretakers manage their relationships and care for themselves through this time?

I just had my first resection two weeks ago. I thought it would be terrible, but it wasn't. Turns out I'm actually feeling better in that area! It doesn't 'cure' anything, and it's not easy, but he might end up feeling a lot better soon :)

Personally I hate when people bug me about food, especially when we go out somewhere. 'Why aren't you ordering more, why didn't you eat, why are you so picky' blah blah blah. Rub his lower back, hang out and watch TV, don't shy away from bathroom humor "this too shall pass" heheheh.

I've always been the caregiver, it's very hard for me to allow someone to take care of me instead. I feel bad about it. If your BF feels the same it might look like withdrawing, but he's just trying not to lay his problems on you. Be there, be willing to just listen, and most of all just remember he's not a 'sick person', he's a person that just happens to get sick sometimes is all. It makes a big difference.

Thanks for hanging in there for him, and feel free to come here for support any time!

That sounds hard but I felt better after my other resections...although not my last. Still, usually it's to rid the intestine of tissue so diseased and damaged that your boyfriend would definitely be better off with it gone. Usually it has a about a 3-month heal time for the abdomen muscles.

My husband and I still try to play cards every other night or so even though I can't shuffle anymore. There's a lot of fun things you can do when you're doing simple life stuff. Try to schedule meals at the end of the evening on a "date" night. Concentrate on the other stuff besides meals. It is possible.

Best wishes