Had some tragic news

Hang in there, Miranda! Are you allowed IRL visitors?

NCOT, so you also have low thyroid problems to deal with. Honestly, this is a hospital they should have your antidepressant. Jeesh, it reminds me of going to a Mexican food restaurant & being told, "sorry we don't do tacos here". Maybe that comment will give you a bit of a laugh.

I hope the potassium does help with your leg situation. Since you stay inside so much I am not surprised you are low on vitamin D. Here in the states they did a study on people that live up north where its so cold, many were low on vitamin D because they are not outside because of such cold temperatures. I have to have my sun, which my skin shows what being in the sun so much will do for a person, lol.

Hopefully today they will be able to tell you what their plan is for you. You have enough going on & surely do not need this sort of stuff going on.

So glad you have your phone to use. I can't do HW with my phone. I have tried & just not a smart thing for me. My luck I would ban half of the members because the tiny letters are hard to see. The admin is making updates & some have said the text is smaller on their phones & Ipads.

Keep us posted.

Oh dear god, you two are so right about HW being a nightmare to use on a phone. It's enough to make me wish I'd brought my laptop just for HW alone. Anyway onwards I plough, peering closely at the screen >.>

I spent the whole day not knowing if I was going to be transferred to Aylesbury or not. Long story short: I was. It's midnight and I'm in my new room. The single best thing about it, by several million miles, is that it has an en suite bathroom! Very bare bones but I couldn't care less about that: I have my own toilet and shower. That's all I require. I've already used the toilet of course: it was the first thing I did when alone.

Not at all sure about the new ward yet. It's far bigger and more modern but it also feels more impersonal and isolated. Sorta miss everyone walking past my door, even the crazies (one of whom I had a rather touching goodbye with) . Of course it's quite late and it may be more lively tomorrow.

Oh yeah, still haven't had any duloxetine. It's my only regular med I haven't had yet. A psychiatric hospital could get 6MP before it got duloxetine.

@UB - I deffo need slippers! What was going through my brain when I left them behind? I've at least been allowed to keep my shoes this time (but not mobile phone charger), but they're chunky winter things - not at all suitable.

@scifigal - Thank you. I love you guys as well (even though F27 has nailed it correctly >.>).You're like my online family now. PS: yes, I'm allowed irl visitors.

@straydog - I enjoyed the Mexican restaurant analogy :p As for vitamin D in Northern countries apparently almost everyone becomes vitamin D deficient over the winter, even healthy people. This far north the winter sun is too weak to produce vitamin D and even if it wasn't, most people are well covered up in the cold. I did take a vitamin D spray for a while: really ought to resume that when I'm out.

@F27 - Thank you as well

Okay guys, I'm gonna call it a night now. Will update you tomorrow :p

Thank goodness for decent bathrooms! I hope you were able to have a decent sleep.

I mainly use my phone for HW and yes it's very awkward and unpleasant.

Morning everyone.

At first I thought I was going to have another night of literally no sleep - I was awake for hours. But eventually got a few hours of broken, dream-filled sleep. Just been called for my meds - they had duloxetine! Amazing. The only one they didn't have was maxidex, the steroid eye drops. Needless to say the previous place didn't have them either, so I haven't had any for a few days. Eyes look all right but feeling a bit sore, so hope they get them in soon.

@straydog - It's lucky that with only one GI available he was a decent one. As for toilets, there were 2 for the entire ward when I was in hospital for Crohn's/surgery. It really isn't enough, but one thing I found is that elderly, bedbound patients don't use the toilet very often, so I largely got away with it. Would have been a nightmare if every patient was going as often as I was.

If you rotate the site horizontally then HW is a bit easier to read. You can also zoom in of course, but then you have to scroll to the right to read the whole line.

@Lab - Yes, HW is the ultimate reminder of why having a mobile version for websites is a very good idea.

@nssg - yes, I don't like phone typing either. It's so much slower than touch typing on a physical keyboard. That said I think I'm slowly getting used to it. Never even considered something like speech to text, or whatever it's called, but I wouldn't use it anyway, for the same reason I will never buy an Amazon Echo: I absolutely hate talking to machines.

I'm feeling tired and low, tbh. Really need a shower but I think I want toast more: in fact I need toast. I have a mission to hunt down toast. Speak later, folks.

Thinking of you Miranda, hang in there, and I hope you're feeling better! Glad your conditions have improved, and having your own bathroom is a huge win!

Maybe I'm crazy but I use my phone extensively on healingwell lol. It's difficult for sure, but doable and I'm stubborn. The site owner has been making some subtle changes lately (enhanced search page, blog page, video page to name a few) and actively updating the site for the first time in a long, long time. Hoping we might soon have a mobile-friendly healingwell... It'd be nice if healingwell was welcomed to 2017 *knock* it's no longer 2007 and a new, mobile-friendly design is desperately needed :-D

Hi folks.

For once, just for once, I'd like to bring genuinely happy news. Today is sadly not that day. I'm afraid I'm not happy here. While Oxford was not perfect, to put it mildly, it felt like far more of an actual community than here does. The staff aren't horrible but they seem largely indifferent to the patients. As for the patients, most of them seem to keep themselves to themselves. I don't like the TV room. Or the lounge. I wish I had taken a photo of the sitting room in Oxford, because it was a lovely room with large bay windows where staff and patients alike hung out.

After a few hours of walking around like a zombie with nothing to do, and missing the Oxford place, I eventually got so upset I asked to be discharged. I wasn't interacting with anybody, I was thoroughly depressed and I couldn't see any good to being here. Well that got me a chat with a doctor, who persuaded me to stay. She seemed to take on board my concerns and said that she would ask a nurse to have a one to one chat with me and give me something to calm me down (I had requested it because I had been agitated for hours by that point). Well that was several hours ago - it's 10pm now - and neither of them happened.

Sigh. So anyway, it's been a long and boring day. The best bit was going into the activity room and working on a jigsaw puzzle. That's the nicest, most interesting, room here. So naturally it's hardly ever open. Like, it was open for one hour this evening and that was that. The rubbish TV room is open all the time, blaring its rubbish at top volume. Actually even in the activity room they were playing rubbish music far too loudly (for me at any rate).

I can't exaggerate just how boring it is here. It is really really really boring. Hospital is always deathly dull at times, I think that's an unavoidable part of instutionalised life in general. But having good people around you makes it bearable. When you don't even get the social benefits of being inside hospital, well then...

Anyway I'll stay for tomorrow but will probably ask to leave on Sunday or Monday if things haven't improved. I've been given a care plan to fill in, but it's a complete waste of time: it's just meaningless bureaucracy. Filling in forms is a way to pretend that something proactive is being done without actually providing anything of substance at all: like a counsellor to talk about my experiences for example.

Disappointed, as I haven't actually resolved anything and the same sh!t which put me in hospital in the first place is bound to resurface once I leave.

@gumby - Thanks! I'm glad it's Friday and you get a chance to relax. You can spend the whole weekend on the sofa while it's snowing outside and you get over your cold.

@iPoop - Let us hope so! While HW's ancient design is part of its charm, it would be nice to have a few 21st century features.

@Poppie - Thank you for that: it was interesting and I believe applicable to me and my mum. I'm interested in learning more, so yes please post another snippet.

Soy - no, I haven't asked about treatment plans yet - I've been too busy chasing up my current meds! But you're right: I need to find out what plans, if any, they have in mind. I thought my Crohn's hospital was bad for mucking me around and keeping me uninformed as an inpatient - now it seems like a beacon of transparency by comparison. I'll ask the ward doctor tomorrow; if they don't know I'll have to ask who is actually overseeing my case. There must be someone.

Wow....I am completely baffled by your experience there! What is the point of being in a psychiatric hospital if you are not getting any psychiatric meds or therapy? Do they have individual or group therapy at all? Or are you just locked up until you say you're not suicidal anymore? Maybe give it a couple of days to see if they can offer help or at least a plan for you to get decent therapy once you are discharged and can go home. I hope you can advocate for yourself with the ward doc tomorrow. I wish your were here, hanging out in my living room with the fireplace and a nice dog to pet. If only I can beam you over here.

My husband also has a bad cold. We made Indian food thinking the spices might help our colds somehow. It tasted great but we'll see how my GI system handles it. Good night for now, my friend.

Yes, part of the help comes from being in a social setting, with a feeling that there is help available and people watching over you. You deserve that.

Feel free to be honest about how you are feeling, even if means having a meltdown. Those places are always busy and it can be hard to get attention among lots of needy people.

It's too hard being on your own right now, and that's why you are there...

Wishing you well

Afternoon folks. Just had a small set-to with a couple of staff. They came into my room while I was in the bathroom. They asked me what I was doing and I said I was on the toilet. They insisted they needed to see me to make sure I was all right. Now there is only a flimsy curtain between the bathroom and bedroom and I was scared they might pull it open. So I I screeched I had Crohn's disease and to get out of here. They got out: nobody comes between a Crohnie and their toilet >_>

Anyway I'm feeling a bit more settled today: I can bear it here now. I'm learning what times the activity room is open and this morning finished off the Christmas jigsaw puzzle that nobody else could: I've never been praised for doing a jigsaw puzzle before <_<. Anyway I've started a new 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle cos why not. There was another Christmas one that I liked but it was too big for the board sadly.

Not seen a doctor yet. Was waiting to see one when I had my blood test but nobody has called me for a blood test so far. I might leave it for today. The activity room is opening shortly, plus there was talk about watching a movie (mind, knowing this place they'll probably pick something rubbish - but a rubbish film is still better than ITV).

Gumby - its looking more and more like they just ock you up until you say you're not suicidal anymore. But we'll see what happens on Monday, at the start of a new working week.

The Indian food, fireside and dog sound fantastic :p

Okay the room is open now. I'd better go. Thank you so much everyone.

Hi Miranda,
I hope by now you have seen a doctor. Is therapy even part of the hospitalization, or do you just sit around and wait for a doctor? It is amazing to me.

It does sound like you are doing a bit better despite the craziness of the hospital. I loved the "nobody comes between a Crohnie and their toilet" comment, and I plan to use it at Christmas!

My cold seems to have gone into bronchitis and I was up at 4AM pooping, which always drives me nuts. But I have no obligations at all today, so I think I'll just read a good book and lay low. I'll keep an eye out for your posts. I hope today is a better day.