Am I Ruining My Future?

Within the past 4 years though, I have stopped doing my treatments. The number of times I did it a day decreased, then the number of times in a week, and now, months. It was never a concious effort, I never just sat and said "you kno i really just don't want to do my treatments today." It just happened. I was never sick, and so I never really thought about doing them; it kinda slipped my mind. I kno that some of you may think i'm crazy; that I'm stupid, and should be old enough to take care of this responsibly; and i wish i was. I wish i had some kind of motivation to taking better care of myself, but i can't seem to find any. Sure, whenever i get a bad cold, i do a couple here and there. As i said before, i've been healthy for quite a few yrs, but i've started getting sicker easier, catching almost everything that ever goes around, and still i can't get myself motivated.

My doctors worry about this, and no matter what they say, my treatment efficiency never goes up. I'm afraid that I think to highly abt my past and fairly present good health. I was once told "You may be fine now, but as with a lot of cases, your luck can change in the snap of a finger (exaggeration) and a fast downward spiral."

Am i ruining my future?

I know exactly how you feel Emily, I've never been in the hospital because of my CF and I hardly ever use my vest of do my treatments. Just like you I lack that self discipline to keep myself on track. Just think, the harder you work at keeping healthy, the more time you'll have to enjoy your health.

          ~Lance

You are so lucky to have people around you who care so much abt you taking care of yourself; don't get me wrong, my family loves me and cares about my wellbeing, but they are not the most motivating of people. You see I'm home alone all the time; because of too much sickness last yr, my parents decided that me schooling at home would be better. So now I am online homeschooling with 1 sister at school, another sister and brother in college, and two parents that work, see, always alone. And that just makes it even harder for me to become motivated to do my treatments and meds; there's no one to hassle me abt it. I do not have a boyfriend or significant other; and I'm not to worried abt that because I am only just turning 17. I did used to have one, and he was my best friend/cheerleader/boyfriend type of figure. For four yrs he was in my life, always there for me and begging me to take care of myself. With him there I always could; he was my window to the world outside when I was sick. Then last yr, I got really sick and missed abt a month of school (the reason known later as diagnosed with diabetes, which caused my sickness) and while I was gone, it was like he and all my other friends forgot I was alive. I never got a single call or e-mail or anything in the month I was sick. These people had been my world for 5 yrs, 10 some of them, and they were all suddenly gone. For a while, i know it sounds dramatic, but I almost didn't care what happened to me anymore. I went through some serious depression and did things that to this day I am not proud of and am just overcoming. In fact, I came to despise myself for the way I am, the way I was born, and I still feel that way for most of the time.

I think that is why I cannot motivate myself enough. That if I completely ignore my problem, it will go away; it never existed.

Hi,

I am kind of like you, I have been healthy for the past 14 years and been hospitalised 3 times. I NEVER do physio even though I have a flutter.....except maybe when I'm in hospital or sick at home. My doctor just insists tthat I just continue to take my meds and keep swimming, running and doing heaps of sport. I sometimes find it hard to find 'time' to do the flutter and stuff cos i'm supposed to do it every day but i don't. So i also find it hard to motivate myself because it's just soooo boring, breath out, breath out, blah blah blah. When I had to inhale Tobra I used to read a book and then the taste used to make me wanna throw up so I had a stash of tic tacs ready to pour into my mouth. I know that taking your meds is important to good health and all that but they need to understand that it can be boring and feels like it isn't doing anything. My mum is a doctor and so she lectures me even more! She also rings my doctor when the slightest thing is wrong, cos I've had osteomyletis and peri-arthritis in my ankle and I still have ankle problems after all the antibiotics to cure it! That's about all I can think about now!

pahiatua said...

Hi,

I am kind of like you, I have been healthy for the past 14 years and been hospitalised 3 times. I NEVER do physio even though I have a flutter.....except maybe when I'm in hospital or sick at home. My doctor just insists tthat I just continue to take my meds and keep swimming, running and doing heaps of sport. I sometimes find it hard to find 'time' to do the flutter and stuff cos i'm supposed to do it every day but i don't. So i also find it hard to motivate myself because it's just soooo boring, breath out, breath out, blah blah blah. When I had to inhale Tobra I used to read a book and then the taste used to make me wanna throw up so I had a stash of tic tacs ready to pour into my mouth. I know that taking your meds is important to good health and all that but they need to understand that it can be boring and feels like it isn't doing anything. My mum is a doctor and so she lectures me even more! She also rings my doctor when the slightest thing is wrong, cos I've had osteomyletis and peri-arthritis in my ankle and I still have ankle problems after all the antibiotics to cure it! That's about all I can think about now!

Haha, wow, you sound just like me, but a bit more active. I'm still not really doing my treatments, except now I'm actually getting sick! For the first time ever, my x-rays showed lung scarring (that wasn't there last year I might add) and signs of Bronchiectasis (also wasn't ever there). I think I pretty much screwed myself over. And about those inhale things like Tobi and the Saline solution stuff, Jolly Ranchers work waayyyy better than tic tacs!

I totally get what you mean about the treatments being boring and stuff. But, for the first time ever, I did my own appointment! Like, I asked my mom to stay in the waiting room or something, because I wanted to handle it on my own. A definite step up the maturity ladder in my opinion. But I have to get used to it, cuz I only get 2 more visits to the clinic I go to now, and have gone to for 15 years before I have to move to an adult hospital in January (sniff). So I have to get used to doing EVERYTHING on my own. I'm kind of excited.