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Posted 1/7/2008 7:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hey,  This is my first time and actually very excited to find this site and maybe find someone that understands!  And we all know that finding someone to understand is difficult,  Here is a little about myself.   I live in a very rural part of the world, ya know like cattle and and hay feilds.  I work with kids, I love my job, kids are so innocent and honest ugh, they ,make me happy!  I am married, I have a 4 1/2 month old and  3 year old, girls and they are my life.  They are my biggest accomplishments and I would do anything for them. 

 Here is a little review of my life.  Parents divorced when I was 5, my stepmom was abusive, my sister was abused by my dad, my mom has undiagnosed mental disorder, I have been sexually abused several times by family, I could continue on and on but my point is it lead to severe depression, drugs, alcohol, sex.  Eventually the sex got me pregnant(who knew), and had an abortion when I was 17 ahich caused alot alot more depression, would never reccomend it, its awful and I have to klive with that for the rest of my life,  then I got pregnant again at 19 by my husband now, he married me, and its been very bumby but compared to my life before its normal but we fight quite a bit prob' due to my depression and I know he has some problems but I don't think he would ever seek help.  I mean we can get pretty hateful with our words and I have been physiaclly abusive.    SO about 2 years ago, I decided to start antidepressants and see a counselor  (wouldn't be the first time, I begged my mom when I was 15 to let me get pills and see a counselor, she did ofcourse)  Couldn;t afford a counselor this time around, so I have been on 100mg zoloft even through my pregnancy and breastfeeding, recently stopped breatfeeding and I have been a little hormonal!    I have always struggled with my weight and I have gained ALOT!!  I don't enjoy sex, I mean I am still depressed I know I need a counselor because in all honest I have alot to say!  Can't afford one and I don;t have time with work and kids and the nearest one's are 30mls away.  I am tired all the time, then I can't sleep, when I crash , I can't get up.  My whole body hurts, I just cry and throw fits.  I hate myself sometimes!  Just need advice and a little insight!!

  God bless!  Without him I would not have any sanity!

 

Posted 1/7/2008 9:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, and welcome to Healingwell,

Boy, you have had such a tough life! but let me tell you, by joining you have made one big step in getting help.

The people on this forum are so kind and understanding, we all come from different walks of life and different countries!!

Can you talk things through with your husband? Let him know how you feel. Do you have friends near by? They can be really good sounding boards. It sounds as if you both really need help of some sort. Having a baby does bring alot of strss at the best of times, ie. lack of sleep, in constant demand, especially if your breastfeeding.

I feel i havent really helped but i'm sure there will be others here that can give you good advise, sometimes coming on here and venting helps me.

Please keep in touch and i hope things work out for you, take care,

Gillian x
Posted 1/7/2008 12:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there
Welcome to the forum,I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for here.

Wow,you have been through so much in your life. And you have gotten stronger because of it I can tell..

I think it might be time to go back to the doctor and talk to him about the meds they have you on.

Meds take 4-6 weeks to take full effect. If after that time you do not feel like they are helping,or the weight gain is worse then it is normal to change meds.

It took my doctor 4 tries with different meds to get it right.

I understand the time situation with a family and a job. But,in order to get better you have got to deal with what caused the depression in the first place.
You might just have to make time to see a counselor..it would benefit you and your family.

Check to see if you have any state hospitals in your area. If so,most of them have financial programs that will help you with the services that hospital provides.
Or,see if one of the clinics have a payment plan. Sometimes we have to give up a little to gain alot.
Posted 1/7/2008 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hello there,

I think that you have been given some good advise from Gillian and Shy. You do need to see if there are any mental health places that will help you. Usually when you have kids and can't afford they will have a plan where you can get free help, or help with a small copay.

You have taken a big step by coming here and i can tell that you are on the road to recovery. And remember having a new baby can be hard. You are fortunate to be able to work with children too. They can really cheer a person up at times, can't they?

We are here for you, post anytime, there is usually somebody close by to reply. And we will give you the best advise that we can. We will listen to anything that you want to write about. This place is very therapeudic. Not only can you get feed back, but I believe just writing things down helps. Sometimes it gets hard, but keep trying. We are very open minded.

I hope that you have a wonderful day. Looking forward to hear more from you. You definately have been through a lot. It is time for you to heal and remember, just being able to talk about it is a big step.

hugs,

Karen
Posted 1/8/2008 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
Living in a rural area can make it difficult to find the support you need - small local clinics don't always have a psychiatrist on staff, and sometimes even general counselors can be hard to find in small towns. It sounds like it would be worthwhile to make an appointment and take the time to go to the nearest place that offers mental health services. You've got a lot on your plate with kids and work, and it sounds like you have been through a lot as well.
Welcome to the forum - the people here are great and very understanding. Hopefully being able to post here helps a bit, but I do hope you are able to go and see someone in person.
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