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Back again after a long spell, but feeling depressed

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Posted 1/13/2008 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all at HW, I am back again. I went off on a holiday this past Christmas and met my mom with whom I have had a very difficult life. But that didn't turn out the way I expected, and I went mostly because I was told she is very sick. But when I realized that she is still that mean person, (and she used to be very spiteful to me her only daughter), I just told her what I had to say. Now, that I am back I have been feeling down. I don't know why? I have been experiencing panic and anxiety. Even when I was with her, as a teen, she would be abusive and verbally abusive. And she used to be very spiteful. If I don't do what she wants, she will do something to spite me. And it hurt me a lot. I have tried to get a new Dr. as I am on Effexor, and Clozenpam, which I have been taking to calm my nerves. All that excitement I had before going, is all gone. And it is like a balloon has been popped.
Posted 1/13/2008 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sad
I am so sorry that happened. It is so hard to deal with that I know.. I too had a bad Christmas due to my b/f's family. 3 people got into a vocal fight, and now they are saying they are not having Christmas together anymore.. I know how you feel about having your balloon pop,you look forward to the time,and then something happens and you feel like you have been wrung thru a washer.

I wonder if you are having delayed panic attacks... last winter we had a garage fire that destroyed both of our cars. I kept it together during the chaos. But then 1 week after getting a car,I was at work and then had the worst panic attack of my life. It lasted 3 straight days.

Try to take care of yourself,good luck.
Posted 1/13/2008 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Sad,
I'm so sorry your vacation didn't turn out the way you expected. Remember that you can't change the way people choose to behave, and that your mother's behaviour has nothing to do with you. It isn't your fault. I think we can tend to blame ourselves when people treat us badly, because we think we must have done something to deserve it, but this is not true. People can be mean and spiteful even when we are trying to be kind and loving towards them. Good for you for giving the vacation a try. Even though it didn't work the way you had hoped you were willing to try, and that shows that you are compassionate and forgiving. Shy might be right - if you found the vacation stressful you might be having a delayed reaction to the stress. You might have felt that you couldn't let it out while you were around your mother, but now that you're back it's all coming out. I'm sorry your mother treats you that way. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself some time to unwind from the stress. Sounds like you need a vacation from having been on that vacation!
Posted 1/13/2008 8:49 PM (GMT 0)
Shy, you may be right, I think I am having a delayed panic attack. And Joze, thanks for your advise. I really needed that. Its true what you say, that other's behaviour should not mean anything about me. And yes I did try to give it a try, despite what she has done in the past. Now I need to move on. I need to tell myself that, well, things don't turn out the way I expected, so move on. That is the difficult part. And to be kind to myself....... oh well, thats something I really need to do.
Posted 1/13/2008 9:50 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Sad,

I had to seperate myself from my mother when I was in my early 30's.  I did everything to try to please her and nothing worked.  She was still very spiteful and mean.  I took it for many years (and tears) until it started to affect my health physically as well as psycologically.  So know that you gave it that one last attempt and like you say, move on and put it behind you.  Knowing that you are a wonderful person, worthy of much love.  Just don't blame yourself for anything.  I always did, and it got me nowhere but very depressed.  It took me a while before I realized I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

I think once we get away from a situation it does take a while to sink in.  As was said now that you are feeling safe, the anxiety surfaced.  But don't dispare, just treat yourself good and you will be back to yourself in no time.

I hope that you have a wonderful evening.

hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/14/2008 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
You will be ok Sad,just take it one day at a time..and try to put her actions in the back of your mind for now.
She is not going to change if she hasn't already.
Posted 1/20/2008 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, Thank you all for the encouraging words and support. I do feel much better now, although I was at ends a few days ago.    Continue to take meds and hold my head up. Glad to know I am not alone in this problem although sometimes you feel all alone.
Posted 1/21/2008 1:20 AM (GMT 0)

Sad,

You are not alone in this situation.  I am almost 57 years old.  I had to make the decision to no longer communicate with my mother about six years ago.  My daughters are both grown and I have grandchildren.  One of my daughters saw my mother a few months ago and said she thought she was in bad health.  So, I called her and she came over and visited.  My health problems are much more serious than hers.  It didn't take long for her to start calling and driving me crazy again and for that mean person to come out again.  I called her night before last and told her we had to go back to no communication because I could not handle her insanity.

She was never a mother to me because she was always drunk.  She was never a grandmother to my daughters.  She even had a third chance with great-grandchildren and of course, she's blown that too.

I know some people think that just because she's your mother, you have to try to have a relationship with her, don't let that bother you.  There are some situations that those people have not had to live through, so do not let anyone put a guilt trip on you. 

Hugs!

Carla

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