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So sad and depressed AGAIN

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Posted 1/13/2008 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
i buy lavender at least once a month. I keep half the bag in my room, and the other half in my car. I smell it and it relaxes me some. I get it at the health food store. I also grow it in my garden along with other herbs that i can use for aromatherapy and cooking. I am looking for this book for making a pagan, medicinal garden. I'm hoping that will help me find recipies for herbal head ache treatment and anxiety relief. The rosemary is to pungent for me. I often cut up apples and put them in a pot with cinnimon and let it simmer. It relaxes me some. Don't try it with lavender flowers, it smells awful!
As for getting a pet, I have 2 dogs. I am also into horses and had my own horse, but I had to sell him a few years ago when my ex wasn't keeping up his end of the financial bargain. Just the smell alone is comforting to me. I can't go in a barn now with out crying. He and I met at his barn. He's a horse trainer, and grand prix rider. It's a bitter sweet place for me to be. Soon though.
Posted 1/13/2008 8:05 PM (GMT 0)

I have two dogs too.  A german shepard and an australian cattle dog/ pit bull mix.  They are both pretty good dogs.  The shepard is a little overbearing, and high strung.  She has to be in the center of attention all of the time.  She also has seperation anxiety and systemic yeast infections.  But I love her even when she is a brat.  My other dog is so sweet.  She likes to sing for my friend.  She howls and it is kind of spooky but also soothing at the same time.  I just love them both.

Isn't it wonderful to have fresh herbs.  I like growing culinary herbs too.  I grow a lot of different basils and I love lemon verbena.  I can't seem to find the plants any more for the verbena though.  I use to have a huge one that I would bring in every winter but it finally died.  I had taken cuttings off of it a lot, but lost them too.  I have an orchid getting ready to bloom, as you probably know that isn't easy.  I just hope that the blooms don't drop before they open.  Have you ever grown heliotrope?  I have one going inside that I will take out to the greenhouse in the spring.  The blossoms smell like baby powder.  I just love it.  Mine is purple but you can get them in blue and white.  This summer I want to start a bunch of sage, mine is shrinking outside, getting overtaken with weeds and other plants.  I have a huge catmint outside that is so pretty every summer.  I cook with it some but like it for potpouri too. 

I hope that you have a wonderful day,

hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/13/2008 9:55 PM (GMT 0)
oh i see lemon verbena when I go shopping for herbs in the spring for the garden. where do you live? perhaps I could find one and mail it to you?
My dogs are great, boxer is 8, she's a tart, and my jack russell is soon to be three. they bring me comfort and joy. when i cry my little one licks the tears away, and my boxer puts her head on me as if shes trying to hug me and say it's all going to be ok. They are so special to me.
Gardening can be very theraputic as well. I collect iris, and lillies. in the house i collect weird looking plants. I love orchids. i ha d nine gorgeous ones that my folks dog tore tto pieces when i took them outside to hose the dust off. I was not even gone 5 minutes and she had them in pieces! I felt my heart sink to the ground. Grrr!!! You have been most helpful to me, I thank you.
melissa
Posted 1/13/2008 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
gosh i hope everything will be fine after your dr visit.
you must be scared?! let us know what happens ok?
thanks for being so kind.
melissa
Posted 1/16/2008 9:17 AM (GMT 0)

misspstink said...
I woke up this morning with that feeling I get when I know it's going to be a difficult day.
I can't get my ex bf out of my mind. He was awful to me and I was awful to him in ways, but I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe I'm just lonely? I don't even know if I can start school in two weeks yet and that is just so stressful!!! My anxiety comes and goes like a storm and I refuse to take anything for it now. I have an appointment with the woman I see for meds on Thursday, and I think I need to tell her that the Cymbalta just is not working. I've been on it since Thanksgiving and I feel no better. I'm scared I'm slipping and I don't want to go back into the hospital. I feel so empty and alone. It's terrfiying.

Sometime It become difficult to live alone. Thinking about someone special which is lovable one for us is not a nonsense. I do so but The same become worse when that same one is not with us.

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 1/16/2008 12:23:46 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/16/2008 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
Miss P. I bet that jack russel is something else. I like boxers too. Thought if I ever get another dog, I would get a jack russel but I have heard they can be a hand full. My shepard is a handful too. Is this true? I know that they are super smart. Does yours jump around or is it mellow? male or female. Both of my dogs are spayed females. The shepard is very jealous of the other one, so I keep them seperate. The shepard is something else, very pushy. Do you watch the dog whisperer? I love his show. I have used some of his techniques and products, they really help. I just have to learn to treat my dogs like dogs, not humans. But they both act like humans.
LOL.

I can't say anything about football, my team is the Detroit Lions and they didn't fare too well this season. They usually don't. But I like baseball. Spring training pretty soon.

Have a great day you guys,

hugs,

Karen
Posted 1/16/2008 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle,

When I got Dharma(shepard) she was almost a year old, she was set in her ways.  I can take her around other dogs and she is good.  But around my little dog she is jealous.  She has seperation anxiety with me.  She has a fit when I leave her. 

I use to have four dogs.  2 shepards, my mix breed and a wild dog that just decided to move in with me all on her own.  Other people than me couldn't even get close to her.  She was really scared and had seizures.  She had to take phenobarbital for that.  The vet said she may have been hit in the head with something.  She was cool.  She looked like a blond wolf.  I named her "She".  I liked that name.  My other dog was "Rebel" and my little dog is named "Chance".

Dharma's brother went to the State Police Force.  I guess he was a big long haired shepard.  Dharma has thick fur but it isn't real long.  My other shepard was black.  He died in 2003 from a stoke.  I really missed him.  He was so cool and mellow.  Dharma is very hyper.

I hope that you have a wonderful day Michelle.I enjoy reading your posts.

hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/17/2008 9:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi
Maybe we are in the same situation. I can't forget my ex gf. When sorrow and loniness blow me up, I think up her. To put it
in another way, when she comes into my mind, unpleasant memories appear and I begin to feel down. Actually, you remind me of this cycle. But I recommend you to take a close look at your mental state. Herbs can't be missed if you require them. It is also likely that it is not your ex bf to blame for, but your brain runs innormally.
Hug for a friend in the same pit
Posted 1/17/2008 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
Michelle,

You sound like such a kind and caring person. I love people that love animals. Thank you for expressing your compassion about my loss. I have always had dogs, so there has been quite a few losses. I have a pet cemetary for them. I try not to be real sad (though I still cry when one dies, uncontrolably) but to remember all of the good times and feel fortunate for the oppertunity to have enjoyed such a wonderful pet.

I truly hope that you are having the most wonderful relaxing day. You sound so special. Keep posting.

Hugs,

Karen

PS Hi Asyouknow
Posted 1/17/2008 10:04 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Michelle,

Thank you for sharing your story about cookie.  But in all honesty, I do think she would want you to be happy with another pet of your choosing.  That is if you feel that you want one.  They can be a lot of responsibility but they are nice to have around.  I am so sorry that cookie got sick like that.  I bet that was so very hard for you to lose her.  I know that she watches over you from above.

Do you have any hobbies that you like to do?  I like to draw and paint.  Also go for walks.  Do you like to go for walks?  I do other things too but that is what I like the best.  As I remember, you said that you like to read.  What kind of books do you like?  I read mostly self help books.  But I like all kinds.

I hope that you have a wonderful relaxing evening, probably going to do the lavender thing with the bath I imagine.

Hugs to you Michelle,

Karen

Posted 1/18/2008 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle,

I hope that you are having a nice evening.  I haven't been doing much of nothing.  Just watching the tv for a while.  It is a nice evening outside, but is now starting to snow.  We are suppose to get some stormy weather.   Really cold, windy and a lot of snow.  I hope that is our last storm and then spring arrives.  Dream on, huh?  It would be nice to have an early spring this year. 

I have never read any of the Harry Potter books, but my grandson has read them all I think.  He is quite the reader, like his grandfather.  They read books so fast.  I don't read that many novels and such, just the self help books.  I do like to read though.  My eyesight isn't all that good.  It keeps getting progressively worse.  I don't know what is going on, I think maybe it is my age.  I will be 50 this year.  Wow to see that written down sure is a kick in the butt.  I do feel that you get wiser with age.  There has to be something good about it,right?

Well Michelle,I hope that you have a nice relaxing night.

Until next time,

hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/18/2008 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle,

I am glad that you are going to the doctor tomorrow.  Take your time and make sure to tell him everything about what your bunny did so that he checks to make sure that everything is okay.  I am sure that it is just from the bunny pressing on it and making it sore.  Sometimes things take a while to heal.  Just make sure you are thorough.  If you have a few things that you want to talk to the doctor about, make a list so that you don't forget anything.  That is what I do.  I am glad that you have your interpreter there to help you. 

Don't be nervous.  Try not to be anxious.  My friend is scared of going to the doctor too.  She is always afraid of cancer and stuff like that.  But it is something that you would want to catch early if it were the case.  Which I am sure it isn't.  I told her to just relax and do deep breathing.  I do that so my blood pressure wont be high.  It helps.

I read slowly too.  I have a tendancy to be looking at the words but my mind is somewhere else.  So I have to be very careful.  I got a college dictionary free from the library.  I use it all of the time.  I have to look up words so I will understand everything.  Otherwise I have read it for nothing.  I have a little trouble concentrating.  But I take medications for that and it helps. 

You are writing good.  I have no trouble understanding you.  You express yourself well. 

My grandson is quite the reader.  I can't believe  how fast he reads.  I am certainly not nearly as fast.  He always has his nose in a book.  That is good.  I am proud of him.  If he is not reading he is on the computer.  If he isn't doing that he is playing video games.  But they do get outside to play.  Kids need fresh air too.

You relax about going to the doctor.  Let me know how it goes.  I am sure it will be fine.  I will be waiting to find out how it went.  Try not to be nervous, remember the breathing, that will help you.  Just take a deep breath. then in through the nose and out through the mouth a few times.  Then breathe in and out through your nose slowly and you will start to feel relaxed.

You have a nice relaxing night.

hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/18/2008 8:57 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Michelle,

I hope that everything goes well at the doctor today.  I am thinking about you.  I hope that you are not too nervous.  I know it is scarey, I hate going and really hate the dentist too.  But I know that you will do fine.  Remember your interpreter is there for you  too.

I have fibromyalgia, so I have to see the doctor quite a bit, plus a psychiatrist and psycologist.  So I am dreading appointments all of the time.  My psychs live an hour away.  This winter I have missed a lot of appointments.  One time I had to have them mail my prescriptions.  I feel bad about it, but the roads were always bad when it was time to go.  We get a lot of snow.  I live in Michigan.  It isn't bad but damp or humid a lot and that makes my fibromyalgia flare up.  There is a fibro forum that I read.  It is pretty interesting.  I like the depression forum a lot too.  I have met some really special people here, including you.  You are very special and I hope that you know that.

Let me know how your appointment went today.  And I am on and off a lot right now, so if you ever just need to talk, I am here. 

Hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/19/2008 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle,

I am glad that your doctor appointment is over finally. I have to get a mammogram too. I keep putting it off, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I need to get it over with. I get one every year. I am suppose to any way. I had microcalcification in 2000. They did what was called a fine needle biopsy and ruled out cancer. They had to cut into me though to remove it. But I haven't had any trouble since then. The wierd thing is I couln't feel anything there, it was so small. I guess it would have gotten bigger or something later on.

Well now you have to practice relaxing again and so will I until our mammograms are over. I will call on Monday and set up an appointment. The sooner the better.

I hope that you have a good night. Be safe and warm. It is really cold here too.

Hugs,

Karen
Posted 1/19/2008 4:57 AM (GMT 0)
Michelle,
What form of sign do you use? (If it is okay to ask) I'm curious because I'm studying ASL at university.
Posted 1/19/2008 4:01 PM (GMT 0)

Getting by

yeah my Jack is quite a handful sometimes. He's a handful most of the time. Especially now that we don't spend a lot of time outdoors and well my depression hit me hard. He's so cute! Although he tries to bully the boxer but the other night he got hurt kind of bad, but ok now. The boxer is as gentle as can be. I'll always have one.

I do watch the dog whisperer. in fact i was just talking about it with a friend last night telling her to check it out.

I'd say if you have time for a jack get one. they are extremem loyal and loveable. Mine hugs and kisses. Licks my tears when i cry...his name is Zippy. I didn't name him, I got him at 9 months. It suits him too.

Hey is there anyway I can email you privatly. I am going somewhere today to look at herbs and seeds. If I find lemon verbena i can send it to you, and yet i love heliotrope. the purple one.

Posted 1/19/2008 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle and Ms P.,

I hope that you both are having a wonderful day.  The sun is out here today but it is so cold.

The football team for Michigan is the Lions, they didn't do very good this year, they haven't in years.  They always start out okay and go downhill from there.

We have a pretty good hockey team, the Red Wings.  And our baseball team is pretty good, the Tigers.  But as for football, well, what can I say except that sometimes they stink.  I will be watching the Chargers too.  I guess that they play New England.

I haven't put my email address into my profile.  I have problems with the one that I entered when I signed up, so I have to enter a different one.  I will try.  We are not allowed to post them so it would have to be through the profile.  I am not really good at computers yet, but I will figure it out. 

Thanks for thinking of me with the verbena, there is one place around here that gets it that I can try.  It will be the plants not seed.

I was so tickled this morning, my orchid bloom opened up.  I will take a picture of it today.  I was afraid that maybe it was too cold and it might fall off before it opened but it didn't.  My heliotrope is doing good.  I keep all my plants in my workshop where I paint and do other art type things.  I don't keep it really warm in there because I can't afford to.  But it seems to be warm enough.  I have hibiscus getting ready to bloom they make big red flowers. 

I hope that the both of you have the most wonderful relaxing day.  I think of you guys often. 

I did have a rosemary plant but I lost it.  I will save it for spices though.  I like it in roast and chicken, but you can't put very much, it is so strong.

Thinking of you both,

Luv and Hugs,

Karen

Posted 1/19/2008 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle,

A bike ride sounds nice, I hope that you have a good time. Thanks for writing, I had a good day today. I hope you enjoyed your day too. It was really cold here today so I didn't go out much, only when I had to. It only got up to about 8 degrees.

Do you ride your bike far? I use to have one. But it was hard for me to ride, my legs would always give out. I don't think that I had it in the right gears.

I hope that you have a nice relaxing evening. Take care, write back when you can.

Luv and hugs,

Karen
Posted 1/20/2008 3:52 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there Michelle,

I am so happy that you got to go out and ride your bike today.  I am glad that you got your tire fixed.  You are right, probably others had the same idea as you and went for rides too.  It must be so much fun to go to the park and all.

It started really snowing hard.  I just let my dog outside and when she come in she looked like a white german shepard instead of black and tan.  She just loves the snow.  She likes when you throw it on her.  She has a basket ball outside that she broke imediately after I gave it to her.  She has a way that she can throw it to you so you will throw it for her to chase.  She gets mad if you don't play with her.  She is like a little kid sometimes.  She is funny.  Her basketball is out of air because she bit a hole in it when I gave it to her.

I hope that you have a wonderful night.

Luv and hugs,

Karen

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