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Posted 2/27/2008 9:43 PM (GMT 0)
hey,

Im getting really low again.I im trying to do everytin the doctor advised me to do but my head is still wrecked.I kept workin as she told me to but i quit on monday and now im back to square one.I no if i work i wont feel as bad because i will be out of the house,but i cant face anyone any more.i hate putting a happy face on and tryin to b polite wen inside im screaming.My mother was realy annoyed that i quit my job and i can understnd in a way y she is because i will have no money and she will have to support me.I hate to see her upset thats y i cant open up to her about things.She also said i shud tell my doctor everything so she can maybe give me better tablets and make an appointment for councellor,but even if an appointment was made i dont tink i cud go and open up totally.I really dont no wat to do now i feel like there is nothing i can do.I cant burden my friends wit my problems because they all have there own,i cant talk to my family,my doctor or councellor.

WHAT CAN I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 2/27/2008 10:45 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Jenny,

It really sounds like you should look for another job.  If you can't then you should open up to your mom and your counselor.  Try talking here some, this could help you to open up.  It is important to be honest for anybody to help you.

Maybe the job you had became tiresome and a new one could bring some excitement to your life.  You need to do something, obviously you need an income. 

I wish you luck, please keep posting, we will help you to open up so that you can talk to the other people that you need to.  These things take time and they don't happen overnight.

Good luck with this,

Hugs,  Karen

Posted 2/27/2008 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
I dont feel like doing anything at the moment never mind looking for a job.My head is wrecked now karen.I cant say exactly wat im feeling now coz u not allowed.Im bottlin this all up and im just going to go mad one these days.
Posted 2/27/2008 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
I really recommend you talk to somebody, it isn't good to keep it all bottled up inside. You really need to talk to your counselor. You can say some things on here as long as you don't break any forum rules.

Please talk to somebody.
hugs, Karen
Posted 2/27/2008 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
i dont have a councellor,i have no1
Posted 2/28/2008 12:02 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there Jenny,

I understand that this is frustrating for you at the moment. I think you would benifit from getting a councillor. I wouldnt expect you to be able to open up straight away to a complete stranger but as you have more sessions with her/him you will find that (usually) you get to know them and you become more comfortable talking to them. Thats when you open up. The later you leave it though, the harder it will be. Sometimes, we have to grab the bull by the horns and just go for it. It is very difficult for a doctor to help you if you cant tell them everything which is why it is important to keep going to the sessions.

Looking for another job is important as well, not only financially but for your mental health as well. The longer you stay off work, the easier it is to lable yourself as "useless, a failure etc..." when its not really true. But, in my opinion, the most important thing is to get some councilling started.

For the immediate problem, I think it would be great if you could talk to someone to release some of the pressure you have from bottling this up. There are loads of helplines you can ring such as:

1-800-442-4673 - Hopeline

1-800-784-2433 - National Suicide Helpline

I am assuming that you are living in the States, but just in case you are a UK resident (Like me) you can always ring:

08457 90 90 90 - The Samaritans

Big British Hugs

Darren


Posted 2/28/2008 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
thx guys,
Posted 2/28/2008 12:24 AM (GMT 0)

Dont mention it, thats what we are here for! Please keep yourself safe and talk to someone.

Let us know how you get on

Darren

Posted 2/28/2008 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Jenny, first I want to tell you that you really arent alone. I know exactly what you are feeling. I dont have a job but I can relate about not being able to open up to people. Especially my mom. Its the hardest thing in the world for me to do. And I still dont talk to my mom about anything... what has helped me has been talking about things on here. I know it is very scary. But, I started opening up more on here, and everyone really cares. We dont judge each other. We are here to support and care about each other. And we care about you. I can tell you that bad things happen when you hold things in. It only gets worse. And I learned that the hard way. I am not able to go to the doctor. It sounds like mayb eyou are. (?) I think you should get a counselor.

To be honest, I would have done anything to be able to have a counselor. I was not able to open up to anyone, but it got worse and I got scared. Its so hard telling people about this kind of stuff, but you cant keep it inside. I learned the hard way and I would hate to see you go through what I did.

Im going to tell you what has helped me. The people here! I started talking more on here. Just think about it, we dont know you. Its not like we are going to tell people or anything like that. We are behind you all the way and only want to help. I kept talking on here and now I am pretty much able to say anything I need to on here! Its a huge achievement for me. I finally told a friend and some teachers and I still cant talk about the worse stuff, but I am able to talk more openly. I am still working on it. Its really hard I know, and it takes time, but you have to try your best and just rememeber that people care about you! Its ok to feel the way you do. We understand that. And its ok.

I know how wrecked your head feels. I get that same way. But I want you to promise me something, promise me that you wont do anything and that you will continue to fight it. Promise me that if you feel scared, you will get help. I have been there and I know how it is. I know you said you could post it so I have an idea about what you are feeling. I understand. I know how important it is to fight it. You can get through this and we are here to help you, ALWAYS! You always have us. Dont forget that. You can let out your emotion and feelings and we are still going to be here no matter what.

I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We care about you deeply and hate to see you going through such a rough time. I totally understand, and it isnt fun... I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope you can start to feel some relief. Maybe you will decide to talk to your doctor. Its a scary thing, talking to people, but people care, and they will help you. We will help you! Please, take care of yourself.
Posted 2/28/2008 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry you are going through this right now Jenny. Don't trust your feelings with regard to there being no one to help though. None of us can know how you are feeling right now, but many of us have been in similar situations, and the one thing that is generally safe to say is that when we find our way out of the dark, we realize that there were always people there to help... we just had a harder time seeing them.

I cannot say how it works in other countries, but in the U.S. there are many options. Some may require some level of disclosure to your mom though. You don't have to tell her everything you're feeling, but it sounds like she's really concerned for you, and if you share that you are really feeling down, she may be able to offer you some support. Your friends also may surprise you. If you're ever desperate enough that you are considering doing something drastic, call the emergency number immediately (911, or whatever the equivalent is where you live.) In the mean time, there are community health centers all over where you can get free and/or low-cost counseling if money is a concern.

As for troubling your friends... there is a song by a group called 10,000 Maniacs that speaks to how I feel when it comes to my friends and their concerns. It's a beautiful song, and it's called "Trouble Me." I hate adding to the length of a post, but I think the words are poignant enough to warrant it.

Trouble Me, by 10,000 Maniacs

Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and your worries.
Trouble me on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden
when my back is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.

Speak to me, don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm isswelling;
there's no telling where it starts or how it ends.
Speak to me, why are you building this thick brick wall to defendme
when your silence is my greatest fear?
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden
when my back is sturdy and strong?
Speak to me.

Let me have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning.
Please don't hide them just because of tears.
Let me send you off to sleep with a
"There, there, now stop your turning and tossing."
Let me know where the hurt is and how to heal.

Spare me? Don't spare me anything troubling.
Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm.
Lastly, let me know what I can mend.
There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see.
Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me

You are not alone my dear. There are millions of us out here who would prefer people just like yourself trouble us, rather than leave us to pick up the pieces after they've gone.
Posted 2/28/2008 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
Listen to the words Jenny, we are here to help. You can talk about some of the things that bother you. You can start out just talking about why you felt the need to quit your job and gradually get into deeper things. You can tell your mom just a little or your doctor. Just let them know that you are hurting. Eventually the medicine will start to help more. What was it that your doctor wanted you to try to do that would help you? Did he suggest counseling?

We are here for you, remember that.
hugs,
Karen
Posted 2/28/2008 1:26 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Jenny
Hello this is Kitt and I have depression and it has been a part of my life for 28 years now.  I have survived even when there were times the pain was unbearable I always believed it would get better.

I have the feeling your thinking we are all saying talk, talk, talk, how is that going to help? Talking  about how you  feel greatly reduces your feelings of isolation and distress.

Some of your issues may never be completely resolved by counselling, but a good counsellor should be able to help you  deal with them constructively at present, and to teach you  better coping skills and better methods of dealing with problems which arise in the future.

If it is not a counselor, then try your Mom, give her a chance.  Or perhaps you have a relative that you can talk to.  Nothing is ever so bad that you cannot tell someone.  People are very compassionate and we have all lived through some bad times.

Would it work for you to write down what kind of job you might be interested in trying, maybe part time or even just volunteering as that way you can stop if it is not a good fit for you.

Also exercise, join a YMCA and you will meet friends to just visit with, you do not have to tell them your problems but you will feel better getting out of the house.

When I feel low I practice making sure I smile at others and say hello, and I find I feel better for making them feel good.

Being depressed causes us to narrow our view of the world around us to such an extent that reality becomes distorted. Let us help you out of this place your in.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and please keep walking toward it.
Hugs

Kitt

Posted 2/28/2008 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
yea the doctor said i shud go to councelling but i cant.i went years ago and i felt weird.my mom knows im feeling bad but she doesnt no y.i no talkin can elp but how do i bring it up wit my friends.they will start to treat me differently.you see i did confide in my best friend wen i was in schoool,i thought i cud trust her but she ended up tellin loads of people and i havent talked to her since.thats y i find it hard to trust ppl i guess.im sorry u have been suffering with depression for so many years skitt but will i b living with this for the rest of my life too.i couldnt handle it.i wont.that probably sounds really mean of me too say that but it really scares me.im 20 years old and i feel so worthless.i am meant to be out enjoyin myself and instead i just sit alone.i feel like such idiot 4 sayin all his now.but its how i feel....



thanks
Posted 2/28/2008 2:22 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Jenny,

It really can get better.  You may just of had a counselor that you weren't comfortable with.  There are many good counselors out there.  Maybe you should give it another try. 

I am so sorry that your best friend did that to you.  She really wasn't being a very good friend.  We will not judge you here for anything.  Everybody is human, we all have our share of problems.  I have to take all kinds of madications for depression.  That is why I think that you should give your meds a chance to work.  I take three different kinds and they work for me, but it took some time to find the right ones.  But you can be happy.  Trust me.

Don't feel like an idiot Jenny, you aren't an idiot.  I know how you feel, I spent two years in bed, didn't want to see anybody or even talk on the phone.  I wouldn't even answer it.  I missed out on so much, I listened to life go by through the window.  In the meantime I aged two years.  But I found help, and you can too.

hugs, Karen

Posted 2/28/2008 3:14 AM (GMT 0)
Are you being treated medically for depression? I mean, a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications? I ask because for me found an actual chemical imbalance was causing a lot of my depression; it wasn't all situational. Thus it took a lot more than talking alone. It's better to talk to professionals rather than friends, as you have already discovered. They are obligated by law to keep what you say confidential! It does take a while to get comfortable enough to really talk to them -- but remember you didn't talk deep stuff w/your friends when you first met them, either. Trust does take time. Hang in there,
Posted 2/28/2008 12:05 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Jenny,

Please dont feel like an idiot saying those things... this is the sort of thing that goes towards helping people release some of the pressure inside. Im sorry you had such a bad experience the last time you shared your thoughts with someone... I am thinking that if you were in school, you were quite young. Sometimes when we are that young, it is difficult for someone to completely understand what you are telling them and that may be why she told other people (Because she didnt fully understand). I can relate to you in terms of age as I am 23 and have experience both personally and within my family. Please do not feel you are alone. Please try another councillor... sometimes when we get a councillor, we dont quite gel with them as well as we should and this is normal. My advice would be to try someone else. Also, as Lynnwood has said, talk to your doctor about medications. As I understand you are on medication at the moment (although Im not sure what), it may be that you just need the dosage changed or perhaps a new medication is needed.

Darren

Posted 2/28/2008 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
Jenny

I think you are putting too much into going to a doctor. It will not be a therapy session,all you need to do is tell them your physical and mental symptons and they then will figure out if you need meds or not.

When and if you decide to go into counseling, it won't be as bad as you think...they don't expect you to tell them everything on the first visit. In fact, the first visit they do alot of the talking and asking you questions. They know that you can't just sit down and tell your whole life story within 5 minutes of entering their office.

You have got to take the first step in getting better,and that is going for help. Once you have taken that step you will be amazed how much better you feel.

We will all be here for you,but you have to remember that this is online,we would all love to take you by the hand and show you the way,but all we can do is show you encouragement through words.

Stay strong, take a deep breath and make that call.
Posted 2/28/2008 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
thank you for all your supportive words.i no what i have to do now.thx
Posted 2/28/2008 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
Keep us updated on how you are doing Jenny we are all concerned for you.
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