Ok, now I'm scared...

and it's making me sick and making me get migraines (or making them worse, however you want to look at it)...

while I have this going on...



I also have found out that I WILL be working that job that I'm having serious problems with (because of migraines, hearing, and bad memory... and the whole childcare issue) until they find a replacement (which they have been looking for quite some time before me... so I don't think they will for a while) before I can transfer to the other 'department'...
I also am hearing inklings that I will lose my part time job, because I have this one, even though I am taking care of everything still... and I might end up with neither...

I have a feeling that I will lose the job because of mistakes I will make and things I'll forget in between them finding someone and me transferring to a job I'm SURE I can do...

I'm scared about the whole brain MRI... and that noone else seems to know what I'm talking about in the other post (on here or other sites. Or in real life)...

I need this (or a) job... I am getting anxious about everything... and everything just seems to be getting worse.

I have six serious reasons (my wife and my kids) to keep on going... which is usually more than enough for me to trudge through anything... but right now I just don't feel up to doing anything... not going to work... not having my labwork (re)done. not doing the MRI, or the followup doctors appointment...

I just want to lay somewhere and cry... and, even though I think she would understand (to a degree)... I don't want to tell my wife all this... I feel so worthless. I feel my life is just here to make everyone else's mistakes seem smaller... so they can say "well at least I haven't screwed up everything as bad as him!"... "I would have done something to protect my family financially before I found out about a problem with MY brain".

... all these awful thoughts are entering my mind about myself... and nothing good... I havent been this... depressed for years. probably more than 10...

... I just feel I should give up....

Post Edited (Defrostmode) : 4/8/2008 8:44:09 AM (GMT-6)

Defrostmode,

I went to migraines and read your post. I still think that you should try to take this one day at a time. The added stress could make the situation worse for you, there is no good that can come out of worrying.

Try to relax and wait for your tests to come. Then take it from there.

Again I am sorry for what all you are dealing with at this time and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen

I'm trying not to read too much into it all, now... thought I'd relax for the evening.

I watched "Phenomenon" for some reason... and, believe it or not, it made me feel a little better!

... I am still nervous (to say the LEAST) about the job though... I can almost guarantee that I will lose the job before they find a replacement. and thats not even being negative.

on a different note: what (general) part of Colorado are you from, froggy? I'm mostly curious, partially because it seems in the part of Colorado I'm in migraines seem to be pretty darn common... some of us just get more than others.

so... Even though my ear is rumbling and I have a 'slight' migraine (if any migraine can be called slight) and I had my MRI today so I will find out Monday if they learned anything from that... I'm hoping they do find a reason... but one that can be fixed (or 'covered up') or at least not kill me...

But, I've got good news today...

They found a replacement for the old job before I even had to work even 1 more day there! I go in tomorrow to sign the transfer paperwork to go to the other department! I am so excited and it will work so much better for me!

I thought I'd tell you all as it has relieved SO MUCH stress off of me!

HI Defrostmode,

I am so happy that the job worked out for you. I know that is what you were hoping for. Hopefully your mri will be fine also. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Try to relax until the results come back.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs, Karen