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Posted 4/8/2008 7:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hey all, it's been a while since i last posted on this site. For that little bit, I actually felt a sense that it was finally over. I sense that i was free. But i was wrong. It never ends does it? Depression is so cruel! Right when you're at your highest point, it comes smashing down on you like a giant fifty foot wave. The people that i talk to at school... they all say that they care... but what i realized is that in reality they could care less. I mean in the end, they just don't want to have to deal with it. They just won't understand and they never will. You guys here are my only outlet right now. It's so hard to get to sleep, and it's so hard to get out of bed when i actually do somehow fall asleep. Everywhere i look... happy people... and then I start to think.. hey geez, i'll never be like that ever again! I've had this for three years, and it suprises me how much it still hurts. You would think that with time, things dull out, but i guess not with this. I just don't know what or who i am anymore. I've lost... i have lost
Posted 4/8/2008 9:44 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Froggy,

Depression is very cruel, you are right. But it is something that you can beat. You have not lost yet. The problem with people at school is that many are too young to understand depresstion since most of them will not have had any experience of it. When you leave school and get the opportunity to mix with people who are older and more mature, I think that you will make friends that understand you better and that they CAN be bothered. Please dont feel you have lost yet.

Darren

Posted 4/8/2008 12:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Froggy

Darren is right,people who do not have depression do not understand.

I know how you feel about looking at happy people and thinking you will never be like that..but,that is not true..once you get into therapy,and maybe meds,you will at some point start to feel better.

You need help to do it though as we all do.

Remember in order to treat depression we have to deal with why we even have it,then work hard to beat it.
It is not something that you can wave a magic wand and have it go away.


We are here for you whenever you need us..keep talking
Posted 4/8/2008 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Froggie,

 

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad.  And you are right,  depression is cruel and the most devastating illness in the world.

You are familiar with my battle with depression as you have at times lifted me up with your words.  I have fought this demon for over 20 years and I am still fighting it and I too know that it will reak havoc on me until the day I die.

 

I am dealing with issues of grief  at this time.  Do you possibly think that there is something you are grieving that might be adding to your depression?

 

I wish I could say that hang tough it will go away but the truth is that it will not if you have clinical depression,  you will have to fight every day.  There will be days when you just cant move out of bed or shower and I am sure you are like me that when I try to relax I feel like I should be doing something productive and if others knew what you were doing, they would think you are a worthless human being.  We shouldn't feel that way but we will.  I want so much to get up and handle a day like so many others.

 

My friends on here are my saving grace and they will be for you as well, we are family to each other and truly care, sometimes the encouraging words from them are the key to understanding that I have people who truly care for me.

 

I think that there are many of us at this time of the year are struggling with the ability to enjoy the beautiful weather and sunshiney days.

 

We are here.

Posted 4/8/2008 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi froggie,

If it is any consolation you have the empathy of not only myself... but anyone who truly understands depression. I stopped seeking advice from my family a long while back. They really couldn't relate. My father would treat it as something I could just shake off or self inflicted(which just made it worse). What has helped me (and my friends) is to change the scenery. Immerse yourself in something you love. Anytime I'm going through an extra tough spell.. I will walk a nature trail or something. Most importantly is to talk to someone who can help you (be it a Dr or Psychiatrist). It's tough when you feel isolated. You are not alone though. Hang in there.
Posted 4/9/2008 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you to everyone. I honestly wouldn't know what i'd do without you guys. Sometimes i think back, and i wonder where i would be if i had never found this site. I love all of you so much. You guys always have ways of making me feel like i'm actually someone. Darren, Shy, Faithfully, and eightbeatsnine, I thank you guys from the very bottom of my heart. I just wish i could find people like you where i live. Haha we need to make clones of you guys, so you can make a whole bunch more people feel better.

I'm afraid i'm not feeling much better, but your words have given me a new spark of hope. People go to psychiatrists, but i'm hesitant to go to one. Especially the ones at school. I've definitely lost my trust in them from a previous situation. I don't want to make my mom fork up more money for me. (Medications are so expensive) I know it must sound stupid. It's my mental state that is the real priority, but i think that even if i did go to a psychiatrist, i probably wouldn't "open up". They just seem so intimidating. I've seen in the movies.. you know the person is confessing their problems while they patiently sit there not saying anything except "and how do you feel about that?" haha that's probably not in the least bit true, but like somebody who has a phobia of clowns, or spiders, i think i might have some weird form of phobia of psychiatrists!

Faithfully: I'm glad that i'm able to left you up in times of need and i really do appreciate you doing the same for me. I really hope you get through your issues of grief that you'r ein at the moment.

Thanks again to everyone else who has always been here for people like me! :) I really do admire the dedication you put into this forum. I don't know how you do it, but keep doing it! :)

Froggy
Posted 4/9/2008 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Froggy,

You are so sweet. Do you know how good it feels to read what you wrote? It makes my day. And everyone elses, I am sure. Thank you for such beautiful words.

Yeah, you are just seeing what is on the movies. Actually a psychiatrist doesn't really talk all that long after the initial visit. They usually write prescriptions. At least that has how it has been for me. The psycologist (therapist and counselor) are the ones that ask all of the questions. And sometimes they let you talk. I have had many and there are good and bad, but mostly good ones. I think that you would actually enjoy counseling. Everything is kept private, so you don't have to worry about anybody knowing what you say. And if you can find a program, maybe you could get free counseling and meds if you need them.

So if you are curious or if you think that it would help, look into the options that you have and give it a try. Some times you only have to go once a month and a lot of times they give you samples so you don't have to get a prescription filled.

I wish you luck sweetie,
Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/9/2008 10:35 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you so much for your kind words froggy! Its always nice when people appreciate what you do... never had someone want to make a clone of me before though! Cant imagine the chaos the world would be in if there were clones of me!

As for phychiatrists... they mainly deal in medications since they are clincially trained (I.e. they are MEDICAL doctors). If you see a psychologist, who is more likely to do things with your frame of mind, they too are doctors but they are DOCTORATE doctors. (I.e. they have no medical training) I think a psychologist would do you more good at the moment. I dont know about what they cost though since I live in the UK.

Darren

Posted 4/9/2008 9:06 PM (GMT 0)
Oi.. phycologists, phyciatrists, councellors! It's all so confusing! thanks for explaining what the differences are. I'll think about going to a phycologist because i'm starting to think that something in my life has been making this all so much worse. But when i start to think about it, there really isn't anything that could be.... or is there and i just don't know it? hmm...

I'm not feeling any better from when i first made this post, but atleast i'm able to function a bit better. Numb is a good word to explain what i feel like right now.. anyway, thanks again for all of your advice! Many hugs to all. :)
Posted 4/10/2008 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome froggy,please keep us updated and I hope you make it to the doctor.
Posted 4/14/2008 12:00 PM (GMT 0)
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