How to get help?

Hello! I'm new to this so I'm not exactly sure how this works but I need some advice. I'm only fourteen years old, young I know. Well, I think I need some help. I don't know for sure if I'm 'depressed', well, I'm almost certain I'm not. But I think there is something that should be done.        and I sort of have a very slight eating disorder (but the eating is hardly anything to worry about).

The only problem is that I can't say I'm depressed because it's not a constant thing. At night times though, and when I'm alone, I just get so...hopeless! I'm in the middle of this really stressful friendship situation which sounds harmless but it is causing me so much stupid pain. Maybe someone can relate to this: I feel stupid for wanting help because there are loads of people who have it so much worse. Some who read this are probably clinically depressed and might think I'm just faking! (You have my sympathy. My sister is clinically depressed and I imagine it is extremely tough). I'm really not trying to look for attention though (i've been told that I do that).

I just don't want to feel hopless at the time I do and I don't want to cut myself. I sometimes sit in my french class seeing my old best friends chatter and I'll cut myself with a pen cap, in the middle of class. It's just scaring me! I DON'T want to end up in a bad place, lower than how I am now. I've been lower than this and when I look back on it I'm amazed I lived! I don't want to be like that again.

The main concern though is that my sister in the past has told my mom I was depressed (which honeslty at the time I might have been). My mom asked me about it but ended saying, "I think you're not depressed. I think you're taking after your ssiter (who cuts by the way) and you're just a hormonal teenager." Yeah, so obviously after that I was scared to tell anyone about anything. I've been in counseling but I always felt that my counselor thought I was faking. Also, I cut myself for the first time BEFORE I found out about my sister.

Well, basically that's everything. I want help, and I want to be happy! I just need some way of asking. Or maybe someone knows a way that I could help myself? Thanks for listening.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/23/2008 10:02:57 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Unseen,

Froggy is right, you have come to a good place.  The people here are wonderful.  You will be glad that you came.

Here are a couple of numbers for you to call, you can get more help there:

1-800-dontcut

1-798-366-9066

1-800-442-4673    hopeline

I would suggest that you talk to somebody, be it one of these numbers, or a counselor at school.  You definately need to get some help with this.

In the meantime, keep posting because we are here for you.

hugs, Karen

I agree with Froggy. I am also 16 and I have been depressed for a while...not sure how long because it only got really bad about a year ago... But, I didnt start out doing anything. I was depressed little by little and it wasnt constant either. But, about a year ago it got really bad. I felt like everything was out of control. I was out of control. At the time, I knew I needed help, but like you, I felt like others were worse than I was. I was afraid to tell anyone because no one ever talks about it.

The people around me never talk about things like that and I was scared to speak for myself. I have trust issues and I am not "Close" to anyone. I dont cry in front of people and I dont hug people. I just stay as strong as possible "on the outside"...but on the inside I was craving to speak and get help. I starting taking it out on myself.

Eventually I had panic attacks, I knew it was time to speak. I HAD to. I wrote a letter to my school counselor and gave it to her. I have been seeing her once a week since August! She didnt help much because I didnt tell her everything, out of fear of her reaction...But, I started cutting also. Which was veyr bad. Like you, I NEVER wanted to do that. I went through alot alone. I almost ODed once but I stopped myself and thought of all the good things I have. That was almost a mistake that I couldnt have taken back. I have other things that have also happened, but my point is that you are not alone. And, its ok for you to ask for help, whether you arent depressed or you are. If you are cutting, you need help. My worst fear was getting worse, and I did, but not because I feared it, I let it happen. I didnt get help for it. That was a HUGE mistake.

BUT, I am doing much better now. I dont cut. I stopped cold turkey! I havent had a panic attack in a while and I feel better. I am not as depressed anymore either! I have talked to my friends about it. Some know more than others, but at least I spoke about it. I have also talked to my teachers. I feel better talking about it.

I am a survivor now. And you can be too. If you want to get better, speak up for yourself. Get help. Talk to someone. And dont be afraid of it. You are human and things happen. Dont worry about it. You are who you are and thats perfectly fine!

If you ever need to talk, I am here. You can talk on here or email me or anything. I am here for you and I care. Anytime. I hope you get help and feel better. Take care!

Froggy, about what you said above me, it's exactly how I feel. I want to feel better and sometimes i WANT to bawl my eyes out in front of people, but I just can't. I can't show my emotions and that's why I just don't know how to get help. I think on Monday I'm going to talk to my school counselor, who I have talked to before.

Thanks for the support. I'll keep everyone posted on how Monday goes.

Like Karen said, I wrote a letter to my counselor, I went and gave it to her and left. Then, I went back and we talked. She started the converstain just by asking questions. I was VERY scared then. And it is hard, but you have to realize that it WILL get better if you just do what you have to. Your counselor, or anyone, you talk to should be very confidential. And if you must, tell them you would appreciate it if they didnt tell anyone. Your counselor shouldnt tell anyone, the only way they will is if they feel like your life, or someone elses is in danger. I know that sounds "on the line"... I was afraid to tell my counselor I cut because in our first session she asked if I had ever self-harmed...I really hadnt... I had hit myself a few times (with a baseball bat) but it didnt hurt me... and I hadnt really thought of it being self-harm, so I told her "no"... She said, "Good, because you would need professional help if you did."

She wasnt being mean or anything about it, but I took it as that sort of. I thought she would freak out if I told her. So, I never did. I was afraid to tell her how bad everything REALLY was. She knew I was depressed, but not to what extent.

I will help you both get started. When you feel emotional, sit down and write down what you WISH you could tell someone. Dont erase it or throw it away. Give it to your counselor or a trusted adult. It helps. I promise. So far, everyone I have told has been very caring and understanding about it. I FEARED people freaking out, but they didnt. So, ITS OK. You CAN tell someone.

My teachers, I told them about my anxiety because it affects alot. I cant go on field trips. I cant do speeches. I dont do crowds. Anything like that, so I really had no choice but to explain to them why I cant do certain things. I just went to them individually and alone, I started by saying "The reason I cant do .... is because I have anxiety problems." Then, I explained. And they listened. Then they asked questions about it.

Its very scary having to talk to people, but when I did, I realized how much people care about me. I am alot closer to my teachers and a few friends and my counselor now. I never realize how many and how much people cared about me. But, they all understood and they all do everything they can to help me.

Froggy, I had the SAME problem. I was SO afraid I would just start crying. And I REFUSE to cry in front of people. I hate showing emotion because it makes me feel small. I like to appear strong because I feel strong on the outside no matter whats going on in the inside. I feared breaking down because I tend to talk to myself (in private) and I tell myself what I wish I could tell someone. This helps because I am not talking directly to someone, but I am saying everything I want to. When I do, I always cry. So, I had a huge problem with that.

I havent broke down in front of anyone yet. I have held things together, and you can too. If not, its ok. You are stronger just for wanting to talking about it. Remember that. It doesnt matter if you cry. You should. You have the right to and it doesnt change anything.

I want to tell you that you can do it. Dont think about it. Just do it. Just say whatever you want. If you cant start the conversation, write the letter. That person will then know what is going on and they will talk to YOU about it. Then, it will go from there. And be completely honest with that person and yourself. Be true to your feelings and thoughts. You will feel so much better after you tell someone, trust me, I have been there.

Also, I feel so much better now. And now I want to help others in the same situation, so I will do whatever it takes to help you be able to speak. I know exactly what it is like. I have better relationships now that I have told people. And I feel good about things. I talked to my counselor Friday and I told her we needed to talk this coming week. I am going to tell her everything that has happened the past 10 or 11 months... I was always so afraid to tell her... I kept her in the dark about things and I feel like she needs to know now. I am through it and I can do it. I am going to tell her now. I never did and I regret it. I wish I had been able to be open about things. It doesnt make you any less of a person. You are human and you have feelings and thoughts. Some things you cant control, and you cant go back. What has happened, has happened.

So, do what you can to tell someone. Write a letter. Its a good start. Its hard, but its huge and you will feel so much better. Be sure to be true to yourself and your feelings! You CAN DO THIS!!! You BOTH CAN DO THIS!!!! And I will be here anytime to help you.

Take Care!

Hi unseen you have made some great steps firstly in seeing a councillor and second in coming here both of which were hars ones to take .I kept mine hidden for so many years firstly because my parents were not the sort of parents who would give a darn so it remained hidden deep inside but it was destroying me bit by bit .
The career i chose didn`t work out failure in my took over .Then many years on things just began to surface and i didn`t know it all could of been treated that there was a name for it .
No matter how small and insignificant we think our problem is it`s still real we all started there .
The thing i`m trying to say you should be so proud of yourself that you have recognised that you are getting depressed at such an early age .it took me a long time and a lot of bad drs to get to treatment that i needed .
Just remember it`s a safe place in here and we are all going through some kind of battle and it doesn`t matter how small or how bigh that battle is it`s still effecting our quality of life and we all deserve a happy life.
Restless

HI Unseen,

I still can't get how you "have you done something bad" out of "has she been good".  It isn't good to assume that people are saying something that they haven't said.  So stop that, please.  Take everything at face value and don't interpret things in any way other than they are.  I am sure she didn't mean what you think that she did.

Sometimes we all have days like you had, when everything seems to be negative.  But that just comes with life.  You have to look for positive and not the negative.  Try to find something positive in every day.  If you really look, you will find it.

I hope that you can see your counselor tomorrow.  I think it will do you a lot of good to talk things out with an objective person.  It helps us all. 

Why do your friends not want to be friends anymore?  Did they say that to you, did they say why?  You can always make new friends.  They will come and go throughout your life time. 

So keep your chin up and remember that we are always here for you.

hugs, Karen

Hi again. In reference to what getting by said:
The physical therapist really was refering to my sister's cutting. She couldn't say it out loud because people were around but she was asking in a concerned voice. Then later I asked my sister to be sure and she said that the physical therapist was asking about the cutting. Just wanted to clarify things.

As for the friend situation, UGH! Basically, I had three best friends for 2 years. One of the girls was just AMAZING! she cut herself too and for the first time in my left I could say EXACTLY how i felt and she would understand, and I was SO happy. She helped my through my eating disorder phase. But in August, she told me I was looking for attention and that hit me like a knife in the chest. I still haven't gotten over it. But anyway, in December she told me I was being a jerk to her and I was. But i didn't realize it because I was really unhappy. (is it possible to be depressed for 3 months and then just suddenly get better? because that's how it was.) So i said HORRIBLE things to her that I didn't even realize i was doing. Well, i just didn't CARE because all i wanted to do was die. So, for 3 months we didn't talk. In fact, we hated eachother. But in March, I apologized because I finally had realized what i did. So, she said she wanted to help me get better because she wanted me to be happy. But now, she hasnt helped me even though i've asked her twice for help.

I feel like she has forgotten about me completely. she never talks to me even though she sees me in school. She ignores my emails and such. She only talks to me if I start a conversation and even then theyre hardly conversations. I care about her SO MUCH and it hurts SO BADLY that i caused her pain, and that I am the reason we aren't friends. I could have prevented everything but I didn't. So, I'm hurting really badly and i blame it on myself. It's hard to live with myself knowing I destroyed everything I had with my best friends.

wow, so that's it. I could talk forever about this. But once I get infront of a counselor, i won't be able to speak. I'm going to try though, i really am. I've been here before and I blew it. But i'm not doing that this time.

Thanks for listening!

Hi again.

Today i finally talked with the counselor and it went pretty well. I could tell she was taking me more seriously then she used to now that i opened up about a few things. I actually left feeling good. i thought i would feel like crap because i assumed i wouldn't tell her anything, but i did! so i feel much better!

BUT, then afterwards i had to ask the one friend who cut herself something about this club that we're in together. so i asked her and bla bla bla. so then i wanted to ask her if she wanted to be my friend. and she said she DID but that she didn't really want to hear my problems. (she said it nicer than that though). and she said i was the reason why she cut herself (she also said it nicer than that too). But still. So i started tearing up in the middle of the hallway and she knew it but she didnt say anything specifically nice or anything that made me feel better. And i didn't want to cry in school so i just said nevermind and turned around because looking at her was making me cry. So then i went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. and then the next class i pulled my knees to my chest and cried. haha, it was really pathetic but i didn't care. i'm better now though. But i'm VERY....bothered...by the fact that she would say I was the reason she cut. that seems a little bit mean, considering she hurt me just as much. but oh well.

Tomorrow night i'm going to a baseball game with the club that we're both in, so we'll both be there. i wonder how that will go. I hope i don't cry. Really, that would be horrible. The only good thing is that the counselor is the president of the club. =] lol.

Ok, take care everyone!

Hi Unseen,

Please don't let this person convince you that it is your fault that she harms herself.  Because it is not.  Nobody can put that on anybody other than themselves.  That is a choice that you make on your own.  So please don't feel bad about that.  You can feel sad for her, but not for the reason of her actions. 

I am sorry that she said what she did and that it made you feel so bad.  I hope that you are feeling better now.  Keep posting, and keep trying.  You are a lot stronger than you think that you are.

hugs, Karen