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Being a good Mom with Depression.

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Depression
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Posted 6/26/2008 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
I just wanted to talk a little about being a good mom while you are fighting depression. I am finding that my patience threshold is not very good and feel that I am not being the mom I need to be to my children. Please don't get me wrong. I have fought and fought for my children and I love them dearly. I would do anything for them. Lately though I feel as if my expectations may be too high and I am constantly punishing them. Not only because I am depressed but because I don't want them to suffer the same failures I did. I was hoping for some suggestions. Lately I have putting a lot of responsibility on my 14yr and 7yr old to watch the baby because I am not sleeping at night. I feel bad because they are losing a lot of time taking care of mommy and not enjoying their summer. Anyone have any suggestions for me? You know I remember my mom, and I don't ever remember her being sick, she always ALWAYS took care of me. She always put me first. But my son came up to me and said "mommy when will you not be sick anymore?" It really hurt my heart.
Posted 6/27/2008 4:18 AM (GMT 0)
I dealt with my mother's depression and for a child, it is very hard. You do lose a lot of your childhood, acting as an adult. I would suggest talking to your doctor or a therapist, you don't want to regret anything that you do by taking things out on your children or making them take on too much responsibility at such a young age.

If you need to vent, do that here, if your temper runs short, talk about it here. That is what we are here for.

keep posting,
hugs, Karen
Posted 6/27/2008 10:45 AM (GMT 0)
ts

I totally understand what you are saying. I hurt my kids alot because of my depression and still to this day regret alot of things.

My advice,is that if you feel guilty about something,then you need to change the situation.
If you haven't been to the doctor,then it is time to go right away.

We have to remember that our kids are young and need their childhood memories. So them enjoying the summer is very important.

Is there anyway that you can have someone come over for a couple of hours a day to watch the baby so you can sleep? That way your kids can have their time?
Posted 6/28/2008 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
I have a hard time being a good mother as well. My depression comes and goes less frequent as it used to but when it hits, it's bad. I feel the worst for my daughter who is the oldest. She's had it hard. I try to do something special for her when I'm doing better. The past couple of days have been hard for me so she's avoided me (I think). I can't really give advice, we just have to stick together.
Posted 6/29/2008 11:52 PM (GMT 0)

Hi moms

When I read your posts, i wanted to cry.

I am a 51 year old married woman, who has battled depression and anxiety off and on for more than 30 years.

My only daughter is 28, and moved to L.A. almost 10 years ago.

She is on 100mgs of Zoloft herself, is a ***, and is going thru some sirious issues of her own.  I had hoped

(although i'm not suppose to dump on her at all as a mother) that she would be there for me a lot more.  My own

mother and I (bless her heart, she's now 92) were always there for each other, she would call and i would drop

EVERYTHING to help her. Not so with my daughter. But in her defense, she has no one to support her, like I did. My hubby was always the major breadwinner. She can't just drop everything to come be with me.  If my husband and I were rich, perhaps I could help her (she's putting herself through school AND working)financially, and she would have the luxury of being able to spend some time with me, but she seemed in such a hurry to 'get away' from her family. 

  I was the exact opposite.I never wanted to get 'away' from my family. 

 I used to say that my mom raised me with 'guilt' - but i now know that it wasn't guilt at all. It was desperation.  She was so depressed, and scared,she would use 'guilt' I guess, but I felt so bad for her, I always was there for her, cos it KILLED me to see her having a panic attack alone, or to be crying on the phone.  Course, she had no husband either. She was all alone. 

  My own daughter seems to almost get mad at me, when I express a desparate need for her company.  And then I really freak out.

  She is very independant,  although we are very close,

my own mom and I spent so much time together, all my life. I loved her company and vice versa. I miss not having that same relationship with my own daughter.  Mom and I were two peas in a pod.  I know what my problem is.  I NEVER GREW OUT OF BEING MY MOMS DAUGHTER. 

   I try not to think about it.  She is a grown woman with her own life. 

It's just that the comfort of your mom or you kids are not like ANY other comforts, and when you don't have

access to either, it's very heartbreaking.   I've never been a strong person on my own, and being right in the midst

of menopause doesn't help either. I don't want to 'scare' all of my friends away by my needy whining, so I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow and have them refer me to a therapist.

((((((((((hugs to all of you and your daughters and kids)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Terri

Posted 6/30/2008 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
I think that just by being aware of the impact your actions have on your children is huge. It shows that you ARE a good mom in the sense that you do care about and understand their points of view. So, please, at least give yourself credit on that front. I second the opinion that you need to get to a doctor immediately if you haven't done so already. Then, the very next step is to go to a therapist you can work well with. If you don't know of any in your area, there is a directory on www.goodtherapy.org that is full of high quality individuals. I also like the idea of having someone come over to help out a few hours a day. If you are connected with a church or other community organization, this can be a great resource for babysitters. The best thing you can do for your kids is to take really good care of their mother. Once you are feeling better, you will be able to show them the love that you very obviously have for them. Best of luck to you!!
Posted 6/30/2008 6:52 AM (GMT 0)
I dealt with a depressed mother myself when I was younger. Bevause od how she dealt with it before she was diagnosed, I was forced to grow up really fast. I love my mama, always have, always will; however, there were days that I walked on eggshells to make sure that I didn't set off a depressed episode.
That said, when she was having good days, she was the best mom a person could ask for. Although I had to play mother for my younger siblings because my mom for a long time refused to admit anything was wrong, I could tell she was making a valiant effort to go it alone. Now that I've been diagnosed, she's been one of my rocks in all this, a person who knows what I'm going through because she's been there. I know I can call her at 4 in the morning if I'm having a really bad go of it.
All in all, I wouldn't worry to much. Alothough your patience may run short, you'd be surprised at how resilient children are and their penchant for beliving in the best. That aside, I would recommend two things: find someone, if only the forums, that you can vent to when you're losing patience or everything goes south in a handbasket; and find a way to give your older kids a chance to be kids, if only for a few hours a day. You might ask a nieghbor or family member you trust, you might take them to a park to run around. I only ask these of you in remembrance of what I went through amd because it would be good for you.
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