Dunno what to do so...

I'll start from the start.

Like I say it's not one thing now that's making me depressed, it's a combination of everything. I feel like I've been fighting solidly for 18 months and I just don't have any fight left in me.

I was living with a woman for 8 years, she had 4 kids, 2 disabled - I stopped working for 7 years to help her care for the disabled kids (not mine, I hasten to add) - we had a kid of our own but she lost interest in him after he was out of nappies.

She has this horrible secret about the kids not being her ex-husbands that I have to keep, and I still have to this day.

One day she decides to tell me it's not working and we're gonna split, but I'm taking Shawn (my son) as she can't cope with him. I agree to stay in the house until end of school term so he's not unsettled, but then she starts shacking up with my best mate, so I just can't stay there.

I move back in with my mum and dad, me sleeping on a couch until a house is sorted for me and Shawn.

I get a job, not a good one, long hours - 12.30-9.30 4 or 5 days a week, and sometimes 6-7 days in a row. My mum and dad looked after Shawn after school so I could work. My mum has suffered heart, blood and circulation problems since I was 12, and Shawn has signs of ADHD or ADD (it runs on my ex's side of the family) so he's a handful.

My ex left me with 11grand of debt so I'm in the midst of bankruptcy, plus my ex only contacts my son once a week on the phone for maybe a minute at most and plays mind games with me, always boasting about where she's going on holiday, and what her new man has bought her blah blah. She contributes nothing to his upkeep cos "she's poor"

I coped for a while and was lucky enough to meet a woman who took me for who I was and loved me as much as I loved her.

Stress and depression eventually got to me and I was signed off work, for 12 weeks now (after they accused me of making it up) and given citalopram 20mg to take. I was just about coping, but this week my girlfriend decided we shouldn't be together any more, on the eve of our first anniversary.

I've just about had enough. I have my son living with me now or I don't think I'd be here now. I just can't take any more problems all at once and I have problems opening up and talking to people. I'm fine writing this, but if I talk, I just act like I'm OK and everything's good.

My doctor has given me an appointment with a counsellor but it's not until September. Right now, I have problems getting up in the morning. I hardly get off my couch and I fall asleep in the day but can't sleep at night. I just don't know what to do now. People offer to talk to me but I can't - I worry more about landing my problems on them than dealing with them myself.

I just want to feel better but I can't or I don't think I deserve it.

Hello Inno,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. You have found a wonderful place where you will meet many  members that know what your going through and where your coming from.

I am so sorry about your failed relationships.  Your second one may have been just to soon after the first one.  We often reach out for comfort when we have been hurt and think we are doing the right thing.  You are not deserving of misery.  No one is my friend.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  I do not know but I am very happy you have come here so please feel comfortable talking to us.

First of all making an appointment to see a counselor was a wise idea.  You can develop a one on one relationship with this person and learn skills to help you cope and to get you out of the dark place you are in right now.

I am so happy you have your son.  Remember he needs you and he is the one person in the world that loves you unconditionally............what a wonderful feeling that is.

Your life has come apart at the seams and the flood of emotions are very difficult for you to deal with. There are many ways of dealing with the break up of a relationship  and the depression that comes along with it. One thing that is very important in these trying times is a good support network. You are talking to us and to your folks, you have your appointment and I hope you have a few close friends. 

Do not be afraid to talk as your feelings do need to come out.

One thing that you will have to realize is the fact that the healing process is a time consuming process.  You are just starting on this journey so be good to yourself and believe.................believe that there is good in this world and you are entitled to be happy.

Bless you and keep posting.
Kitt

I can relate to that, I know I don't like putting my problems on others either. That is what is so good about this forum. You can say whatever you need to and you know that other people here do understand because they have been there. They can see your problems more objectively than you can because we don't know eachother. It makes it a lot easier for me anyway. I have problems talking face to face except with my counselor and psychiatrist. But I know that is what they get paid for and they are really easy to talk to anyway. They have helped me so much. I don't know where I would be without them.

I hope that you continue to open up here, you will soon find that there are others in your position. You might want to read some other posts and see if anything relates. There are posts on depressed spouses and other topics that could become of interest to you.

Keep posting,

hugs, Karen

You don't sound like a wuss. There have been many other similar threads on here like yours. People losing their mates and grieving over it. It takes time to get over somebody that you love. So keep posting, we will try to help you through this.

I trhink that the most important thing is to start working on your self esteem.  And your depression.  Are you seeing anybody at this time for counseling?  It is so important to have that sounding board.  I hope that you chose to do so soon.  Also maybe you need some medications for depression.  That would help you a lot I think.  So think about seeing your doctor and discussing getting some therapy.  A little therapy never hurt anybody.

Good luck with this, Keep posting.

hugs, Karen...

That is right, I forgot. But September isn't that far off. So hang on and keep posting. Talk to your doctor about something else if it is making you short tempered. You deserve to be happy. And there are meds out there that can help. I take a medication called abilify. It is a mood stabilizer. That might work for you too. It surely does help me. and my moods use to be all over the place.

Best wishes to you on feeling better.

hugs, Karen...

I'm just at the point where I physically and mentally cannot be bothered with anything. I just want to find myself a little corner of the world and hide in it and hope everything works out. I really, really can't cope anymore and I can't talk to anyone in person. My mum and dad have their own issues I don't want to drag them down into my own personal hell and the only person I know well enough to open up to is the girl that ended our relationship last week. We're still friends but I hardly think now is the time to be dumping my problems on her.

I just want to go to sleep and either wake up and everything is sorted or just not wake up at all.

Hi Inno,  I am sorry you are going thru such a hard time.  One thing you mentioned in your post about your ex was that she left you with 11 grand in debt.  Are you talking about credit card debt? what ever the debt is. is your name on any of it?  If this is debt she incurred without your signature or being on credit cards or home ownership, if you are not on any of these things I would think the debt would only be hers.  At least that is the way it is in the US if you are not married to the person.  You did not mention if you married her but it sounds like you didn't.  I would check into all of this, maybe talk to a lawyer and find out if you are considered a responsible party to this debt.  It is worth a try and you may get yourself out of a bad situation. For your sake I hope that is true.  Just some suggestions - I hate to see you suffering so.  You sound like a really nice, caring person and I wish you the best.  Take care of yourself and your son.

Aurora