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Posted 8/12/2008 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

I feel a bit bad posting this, as I know there are many others worse off than me on this forum right now. Im just sick and tired of this and need to vent a bit. For those that dont know my story, I had chronic depression for 12 years and was on medication for ten of those. I had a really really rough time coming off them, but I did it and then had two wonderful years depression and med free.

about a month ago I crashed again; it lasted for two weeks and it was bad. Im sure you all know the feeling of lying on your bed for days just counting down the minutes until its time to sleep again, but you cant sleep and dont eat and your mind gets worse and worse. I had to confide in a friend at the time and now so regret it. I hate that he saw that side of me and he knows the weakness that I have. I know I shouldnt feel like that as thats what friends are for but being the strong one is very important to me. So thats why I am posting here, just to let it out to people who really do understand but people I dont have to justify anything to. You guys are like a whole other family.

Has anyone else had a relapse after you thought it had all gone away? It is so incredibly frustrating...I thought I was done with the constant fighting and it always, always being in my mind. I absolutely refuse to go back on medication again but I started seeing a therapist, so hopefully that will helpl It might just take that horrible thing called time ha ha. It just really scares me that I might have to fight this for the rest of my life.

Anyway thanks for letting me vent. I hope everyone is doing well.

Kate

Posted 8/12/2008 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kate,

I know that it is hard when you think you are cured and then along comes Mr. Darkside. But do not dispair, it will go away. Just be happy that you feel good the majority of the time. Many things can set off a bout of depression. It could be something that happened in the past, it could be hormones. But none the less, it can happen. Luckily it didn't last that long. I know that two weeks seems like a long time, but I see that you bounced back.

I hope that it is a long time before this happens again, even never. But we are going to have bad days once in a while. Try not to dwell on it and remember you are feeling good most of the time.

See if there is a pattern in the way that this happens. And try to keep your chin up. Hopefully this wont happen that often. And remember that we are here for you always. So post away when you need. Hopefully we can cheer you up and help get you back to where you were. Happy.

Best wishes on having a wonderful day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 8/13/2008 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,

Thanks so much for your reply. Its weird posting this stuff as I am so used to giving other people advice! You sometimes forget that you need a bit of guidance too. I have taken my own advice and started to write a journal/diary of sorts... I think it might help see the patterns. Im pretty sure I know why it happened last time, so something good came out of it I think and I wont let it happen again. I need to start putting myself first.

It just SUCKS!!!!!!

Hope you are going well.
Kate
Posted 8/13/2008 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
Kate,
It's okay to be on the helped side. It doesn't mean that your weak, just that you know when you need some help. Which makes you stronger actually. And I too know what it's like to have a relapse. Mine has been a year or so relapse. not a short one and it's very hard when you thought that you conqured it. I hate it that your having to go through this but from your post to Karen it seems that you did learn something from it. So thats a plus to this. I hope you are feeling better today. Keep posting, you know we are here for you. Love to you!!
Rachel
Posted 8/13/2008 3:58 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Kate,

I have had depression for 26 years and have been on a med, during that time I had one relapse that put me off work for about 2 weeks but with medication adjustment and therapy I got back on track.

In November of 2005 I had a major meltdown and ended up taking early retirement as I was absolutely not able to function.  Since that time, I have been up and down and on many different meds looking for the right combo. 

I have also had a lot of life changes in my life that were stressful so I have to say some of the depression was triggered by that.

I hid my depression for years but in 2005 I gave up hiding and let people know the truth.................now they say things like it is probably change of life............giggle. I am a bit old for it to be that. smhair

Count on us to support you.  We are here for all.

Kitt

Posted 8/13/2008 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Rachel & Kitt, for your encouragement. What I love about this forum is how the words from people you have never met before can mean so much to you. Sometimes its all you need to put yourself back in the right direction.

I guess that has been my downfall in many ways... in not letting people know and not asking for help. I think it will take a while to get used to even one of my friends knowing about it.

As awful as it sounds, (it would be great if noone had to feel like this) but it helps knowing that you arent alone....and not crazy!

Take care,
Kate
Posted 8/13/2008 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kate,

You definately are not alone here, I am happy that you recieved acknowledgement on that. We are all in the same boat, just at different levels. Keep posting, we are here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
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